This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-08 14:51:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In This Light I Am Blue

                           If only you'd known I was a -  felt this unbelievably blue,              You would never have taken from me your caring eye              Lest one day I swallow the pink pills (see them there)              Or wear a vest of plastics and walk into Jupiter and              Detonate the both of us into solar system-ic dust              You should never let a blue-girl walk the streets at night              You could hire a guardian – see, I've got more than moons! –               Or would you call a shrink, a mediator, perhaps buy a chain?              Would you lock me up inside your rings with strings,              Like - OK, like I’ve - done here?              No, you wouldn’t. At least –               Well, if you’d known I was this beautiful –               Would you have bought – borrowed, more likely – flowers?              Well, you tell me.              How would you paint this, this - ?              Would there be any color - O pain! - at all?              Circling your sun, with the top down –               Waiting. Me and my moons, in the Camaro              Haloed for eternity, waiting for you.

Copyright © April 2004 Thomas Edward Wright

Additional Notes:
http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/1998/35/images/a/formats/640_wallpaper.jpg


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-04-22 19:27:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Hi T (as in Tom), I got the picture, thanks for the site. It is Uranus! Lest one day you walk into Jupiter! How about the picture of it? Hehe! "Detonate the both of us into solar system-ic dust" Oh, you will be drifted into Black Hole and never come back again! But that is ok because it is both of you. How dangerously sweet! I just love your Physics and Astronomy here! Jordan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-16 21:34:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86047
Methinks a hyperbolic personification of the subject and his lover, most beautiful in its images. I picture the rings and many moons of Saturn among other solar and galactic bodies. Yet, I feel the personal emotions concealed deep within this "conversation" between the first person and his "listener" in this poem. Despair seems evident in the beginning, then an attempt to recognize and defeat this possible self-destructive attitude - but I think, failing. Therefore, waiting glorified in an eternal "dream" for that lover. I hope I have interpreted this correctly, but I'm being honest with what I garnered after reading several times. The imagery is superb, as is other useful tools like alliteration, assonance, etc. I like the form - the longer beginning stanzas to define where we are going, then the briefer closing 3 stanzas to carry the reader quickly into that emotional closing. A challenging, yet rewarding read. I didn't go to the link, for I'm a little leery of the www and its possible viruses, etc. I am not really computer literate. ;>) Thanks for posting, Thomas. Wayne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-04-09 22:43:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Tom: Hey, what's that you say? Ouranos (Uranous) Sky God, speaking as the feminine gender? True enough, Ouranos was passionate - eager for love - but as I recall it (I wasn't there, but heard a rumor) Ouranos had the hots for our beloved Gaea (Earth). And when, er, they coupled - there was quite an unstoppable issue from Gaia's womb. But that is someone else's version - here, we have yours - charming, a bit oddball and slightly scary - the way I'd interpret Uranus's effects, if I were knowledgable about that sort of thing. The poem really caught me off balance (or orbiting nearly horizontal with respect to the ecliptic plane). Certainly, Uranus does have a flimsy ring system and 21 moons or so. I wonder who she is addressing? I think of Kronos, but that'd be her son, er, his son, really. But perhaps Uranus is all about gender-bending, and poetry is about having fun - and I am having fun. It does seem like she is talking to somewhat colorless old Saturn, by comparsion, setting aside the Greek myths for awhile. And I've probably got that jumbled. Uranus would be the one to wear a plastics vest and do other assorted self-destructive things. Uh, but I'm stumped! Who took his eye off 'her'? Well, you tell me. How would you paint this, this - ? Would there be any color - O pain! - at all? Circling your sun, with the top down – Waiting. Me and my moons, in the Camaro --love this! Haloed for eternity, waiting for you. I looked up the esoteric meanings for "Camaro" and came up with 'loose bowels' - 'warm friend' and 'shrimp', variously. Then again, Saturn would never 'borrow' flowers, as Mercury would likely do. Saturn is a bit of a tight wad, but believes in "proper" behavior, whilst Mercury has, eh, slippery fingers. I can't think of who would be un-boring enough for your "blue girl." Fantastic that you have given a Hubble URL, BTW. You're a pretty cosmic guy, and you carry this off well. Did you know that Capricorns are known for extremely droll sense of humor? Enviously, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-04-09 14:46:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.33333
Damn! If I had known you were that beautiful I would have borrowed flowers and made daisy chains to decorate your moons.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-08 23:04:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Tom--ok I downloaded the "wallpaper"--and am 'dug in' for the critique. You are a man of many voices, I must say--not just one slant at life do you see. This poem is painfully interesting. I could be wrong, but I'm saying the girl has died--perhaps accidental or not-so overdose, because she tells you she's Circling your sun, with the top down--waiting...in the Camaro, haloed for eternity, waiting for you. This person really loves/loved you, and perhaps you were her Guardian but as so often happens with those we Guard, they take more and more of us until we can't guard that much. She is talking as though she is drugged, (or just a teenager--laugh here) or even speaking to you in broken sentences from 'the other side.' Now, Tom, if I have this all wrong--don't re-write it, for heaven's sake. I'm just telling you my thoughts and wouldn't be even commenting if I weren't wonderfully intrigued. When I 'read' somebody, I sort of know what to expect, but you wear so many hats that it's a grab-bag--or should I say, surprise. If only you'd known I was a - was a...what? She finally amends her first thought with "felt this unbelievably blue." Her sentences come out 'real', but we sense something is not quite right with her at this moment. Lest one day I swallow the pink pills (see them there) I like the use of the color pink to contrast with your blue title--it even connotes that this problem doesn't belong to the pink gender or the blue gender but to troubled people in general. Anyway, color is always good (IMO). When you say (see them here)--that hits me POW--we see them, we begin to suspect that perhaps...just perhaps. Otherwise, why would they be mentioned? Or wear a vest of plastics and walk into Jupiter and Detonate the both of us into solar system-ic dust ah, the other modern choice of suicide--why the hyphen after system--is she unsure about the word and adds the 'ic' as an afterthought or a guess---maybe it's the hiccups. Drinking will give you hiccups! The second S. begins to blame you, the Guardian, again but we suspect that beneath the blame is a very low self esteem that can't look itself in the eye. YOu hear a lot of that these days--some people are always the victim--it's always someone else's fault. But this verse gives us a clear insight to the problem and where the poet is taking us with the problem. No, you wouldn’t. At least – Well, if you’d known I was this beautiful – Would you have bought – borrowed, more likely – flowers? This is my favorite verse. It is so honest--we don't expect to hear her saying it about herself. And--well, what kind of difference could it have made? Does she think you'd have paid her more attention had you known beforehand she was "this beautiful." Why would you have "borrowed" and not "bought" her flowers. Then she's asking how you would "paint this"--and the O pain! mid-thought is cutting. What would think about adding the blue to this verse to tie back to your title and your theme? The last verse is either saying she is dead, esp. with the haloed effect--or else she will constantly circle you, with the top down, enjoying your brilliance (approval? admiration?). The last verse is perfect (as far as I understand it). I think she's overdosed--what do you think? My best, Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheryl a kelley On Date: 2004-04-08 17:15:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Thomas, There's much I like about this. I like the concept describing a planet in the solar system the way we would describe a jilted semi-dangerous, and kind of proud of it - stalker Love the line "If you'd known I was this beautiful" probably more than I should. The reader gets also, the sense you get of a person (the author) at least slightly obsessed asking the object of his obsession, "how would you paint this ? would there be any color - o pain - at all?' so the idea works, but At the end it leaves me wanting a little more - the personification is clear in lines like, "would you call a shrink". I'd like to see the personification aspect as fully developed as the planetary aspect. The pink pills line works beautifully for both aspects. An ambitious concept that is really working... is wonderful ...has the potential to be fabulous. Cheryl
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