This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-04-08 19:16:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Rising to the Occasion
When amber rays lave the grasses
And a mass of clouds allays
The spectral flavor of light waves,
A unifying spirit in nature
Seems to sing aloud.
At the river, passion silts down
Course and nearby, leafspeech
Begins from budding gorse. Shadows
Lush with omen dip and sway before
The wind bustles them away.
A seraph-haunted scene as reed
Music serenades along river. A
Coign of vantage delivers a span
Of nature surprised into fragrant
Fluorescence with the essence of man
Stirring then soaring
In radiant effulgence. |
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Copyright © April 2004 Mell W. Morris
Additional Notes:
To honor Seamus Heaney.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-19 23:26:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Hi Mell,
This is a wonderful and amazing honor and dedication! Seamus Heaney will surely be proud of this. This is rich of everything...from the ingredients of poetic lyrics, wealth of images and natured-inspired sensations, yes, you have completed this reader’s satisfaction.
As always, your approach in presenting your piece is gradual. Slowly but surely entertaining! Full of surprises! And you never disappoint to amuse your readers.
“When amber rays lave the grasses
And a mass of clouds allays
The spectral flavor of light waves,
A unifying spirit in nature
Seems to sing aloud.”
--- I am enticed by this first stanza. Really! It attracted me to continuously finish reading the whole poem...and I never regret it! I found a wealth of inspirations especially to the life-giver nature. I especially enjoyed the words “lave”, “amber”, “allays” and a lot more. These are new words worth knowing! You have used this rareness into something magnificent! Plus, the magical sound of this words/lines is truly playful and inspirational. Almost summoning!
“At the river, passion silts down
Course and nearby, leafspeech
Begins from budding gorse. Shadows
Lush with omen dip and sway before
The wind bustles them away.”
--- The “journey” of your words is everlasting! It reaches the farthest soul in a very mysterious way. I like the compound word “leafspeech”, this is new at the same time effective!
“A seraph-haunted scene as reed
Music serenades along river. A
Coign of vantage delivers a span
Of nature surprised into fragrant
Fluorescence with the essence of man”
--- Wow, the alliteration is pleasurable especially the clever words between “fluorescence” and “essence”. I specifically enjoyed the line “Music serenades along river”. It courts my lonely heart!
“Stirring then soaring
In radiant effulgence.”
--- Ahhh..perfect ending! 100% award wiining! I like how you isolate these last two lines to climax the piece with great impact. This is an honest and lovely poem, full of beautiful words and imagination! Carefree with its voice!
Again, you never disappoint your audience! This one deserves an applause! This is rich in inspiration and appreciation of life! You have taught us to be contented and appreciative! Another standout! Thank you for posting this for our enjoyment! Keep them pouring!
As always,
Erzahl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-04-15 20:12:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Mell,
I am a little overwhelmed and at a loss to know where to begin sharing my thoughts of this gorgeous piece. I have been a fan of your writing for some time and feel inadequate to do this work justice.
Each line is rich with a symphony of sights and sounds. The rhyme and rhythm is delightful and gently guides the reader through this lovely scene. Your word choices are exquisite and leave this reader awed.
Thank you so much for posting.
Blessings,
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-04-11 17:28:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mell:
On this Easter Sunday, this poem is like a basket of wildflowers, with a book of
Seamus Heaney's poems, and some fine merlot. It has something for the soul and the
senses. Add to that my delight that you are in fine form here - surely a reason
for jubilation alone. What a glorious tribute from one of TPL's finest writers!
Your musical variations on the note of 'a' are spectacular and soul-filling. In my mind's eye,
I watch as "amber rays lave" the grasses, and "a mass of clouds allays" the "spectral flavor" --
ahh, how engulfing theses sounds and images are. I felt that the "mass" of clouds was perhaps
celebrating a kind of "mass" not confined to one tradition, but given song by the One. But the
lines which simply took my breath from me are
"A unifying spirit in nature
Seems to sing aloud."
If in two lines, a summation could be given for my own approach to nature, to mystical union
for which I long with all of my being, you've written it. This is poetry become music, become
an element indefinable. It is possible, you show here, to listen to the spirit "sing aloud"
in nature, which is really the unheard music of the heavens. St Hildegarde, as did others
in her time, saw nature (the created world) as a hymn of praise to God. She felt the invisible,
unheard music of the heavens paralleled the physical and emotional make-up of human beings,
who in turn may create their own music. I believe your poetry is a sublime musical art,
for by its sound and rhythm, you create a song for the soul.
At the river, passion silts down
Course and nearby, leafspeech ---oh, exquisite word!
Begins from budding gorse. Shadows
Lush with omen dip and sway before ---brilliant personification here makes me feel giddy
The wind bustles them away.
(This celebration of elements - water, wood, wind and the fire of spirit/light is nearly
as ecstatic for me as the one I experienced yesterday.)
A seraph-haunted scene as reed --lovely, lovely
Music serenades along river. A
Coign of vantage delivers a span
Of nature surprised into fragrant
Fluorescence with the essence of man
Surely the angels sing when poetry such as this is read aloud.
Stirring then soaring
In radiant effulgence.
You've honored Seamus Heaney, and delighted my heart. If I said this poem stirs my heart, makes
it soar, fills it with splendor, I'd not be overstating my response. My gratitude for another
of your sublime creations, Mell.
Exquisitely rendered! Sustained applause, and a quiet bow before mastery of form. Nothing but
a laurel wreath will do - so one's extended to you now.
All my best, always
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-04-11 00:32:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Mell--Combinations of internal/slant/end rhymes (rays/lave/allays/waves; grasses/mass; clouds/aloud
Course/gorse; sway/away; river/delivers; span/man; fluorescence/essence/effulgence) mingled with
nonliteral fresh descriptors create vivid imagery of natures gifts (on display) and produce nice
rhythmic tones.
These dynamics are prevalent in stanza #1/2 and continued through the first two lines of stanza #3.
Excellent twist/turn-ending with enjambment in stanza #4 ("A coign of vantage-great phrase-delivers
a span of nature surprised into fragrant fluorescence-"f" allit-..."): a peaceful/secluded water
accessed area disrupted by the presence of humans, causing a flurry of activities in the wilds,
which only serves to enhance the already picturesque visuals.
Until your mention (in your profile/additional notes), I was not familiar with S. Heaney-this is a
heartfelt tribute to a masterful Irish poet. Moreover, it is a supreb welcome back post. Thanks for
the new "e" word and "great phrase". TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-10 16:05:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Mell,
I found you at the bottom of my list and will comment before you slip away again!
You are surely aware that this poem really speaks to me as I tend to write a lot about
nature...however, this surpasses anything I have written. Your imagery is priceless and
the occasional internal rhyming delicious....'amber rays lave the grasses'...womderful!
...'spectral flavor of light waves, a unifying spirit in nature' amazing. 'At the river,
passion silts down (I love this) course and nearby, leafspeech (I think you are the only
poet that has ever written 'leafspeech') begins from budding gorse'..me who writes endlessly
about nature had to look up 'gorse'! Good grief I should have known that. 'Shadows lush
with omen (so great) dip and sway before the wind bustles them away'..'wind bustles' is
a perfect descriptor...'A seraph-haunted scene as reed music serenades along river'...most
likely I would have said 'the river'...would that have been wrong? 'A coign (dictionary
again) of vantage delivers a span of nature surprised into fragrant fluorescence of man'
stunning line. Then, of course, you give us a perfect ending to this magical scene with
...stirring then soaring..in radiant effulgence. Without a doubt you certainly did honor
S. Heaney in a magnificent way. It would be almost impossible for me to pick a favorite
poem from your talented pen but this one is at the top! Glad you are back!
BLessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-10 00:08:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mell---you and Seamus; Seamus and you. Why don't you suggest we 'study/discuss' him next time.
I have printed some of his pieces from the internet, but right now am concentrating on L. Gluck.
The first verse here reminds me nostalgically of "amber waves of grain". Your ever-present inner-
rhymes lull me--I 'wave' in the first verse and rock with the water in the second.
"At the river, passion silts down course"---I have never heard this term used before--down stream, but
down course is fresh and makes me reach a little. (it's a good thing.) Love the dip and sway. Second
verse makes me remember standing beside a large river (like our Snake, for instance) and there is so
much power in the water and the wind and all the forces of nature that it's thrilling and frightening
at the same time. I get this again, vicariously, through your second S.
"as reed music (xlnt) serenades along river. I feel you have eliminated "little" words on purpose here,
to get the essence of the raw surroundings. It's very effective. For example "along the river" is
more me--and "along river" is more you. Leaving the "the" out paints a little of the toughness of the
outdoors--and I know it is very tough.
"A Coign of vantage"--? Well, there's a term you don't hear every day but says succinctly what you want
to say--"delivers a span of nature--wow, just chalk-full of surprising new insights and expressions for
this reader to lap up. "fragrant flueorescence with the essence"--just plain good poetry, and more
good descriptions. You want your readers to be standing there with you and you have succeeded. Stirring,
soaring--radiant effulgence.
You always leave me wanting more, Mell. This has been great fun (& I always learn something!)
Thanks---My Best, Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-09 11:31:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38889
Hi Mell-
I ran off to re-read some Heaney then came back to your homage.
Heaney speaks of the land and his culture-in-the-land-home.
Your patronage has shed a fine light on this Nobel laureate.
A coign of vantage we would be well-advised to find, to sit, to ponder.
I go.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-08 19:33:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
An excellent tribute it is to a worthy recipient. You have succeeded with a host of poetic tools such as assonance, alliteration, rhyme of many types, and an excellent cadence for the scenery you portray. You even use personification as "the reeds" serenade us. I see you got the spelling corrected. I thought I'd seen this before, but don't know why my critique was wiped away so quickly. Oh well, here we are again, Mell. Best regards. wl
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