This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-04-12 18:31:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Canticle
How blissfully tulips are glistening
each tilted face an upturned cup
of purple red or yellow gold, each
blossom’s ears bare to sun, listening
As flickering spring songs are sung
o’er din of birds’ announce
the day’s begun - the day’s begun!
At noon they breathe out deeply
praising, sighing, and then sleepily
nodding as evening prayers arise
from petals closing over tulip eyes
As flickering spring songs are sung
o’er din of birds’ announce
the day is done - the day is done!
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Copyright © April 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-07 16:04:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84848
Oh my goodnes, Joanne,
I missed this one completely.
The others I read and was waiting till I had time to comment,
but this hym of praise I somehow missed!
There couldn't be a more perfect title!
"How blissfully tulips are glistening---striking assonance/consonance
each tilted face an upturned cup---lilting rhyme and perfect personification!
of purple red or yellow gold, each
blossom’s ears bare to sun, listening"---they even have ears to listen to your rhymes!
"As flickering spring songs are sung---and what a lovely chorus it is, with rhyme and alliteration that sings.
o’er din of birds’ announce
the day’s begun - the day’s begun!"--- the rhyme and repetition accent perfectly
"At noon they breathe out deeply
praising, sighing, and then sleepily---more lilting rhyme and melody, I can hear the rhythm
nodding as evening prayers arise
from petals closing over tulip eyes"---the image is so clear in my mind and still more fresh rhyme
"As flickering spring songs are sung
o’er din of birds’ announce
the day is done - the day is done!"---and ending with more repetition in the chorus.
I sure hope this one gets music with it, because it deserves to sing ists praises toward the sky.
This is a joyful psalm!
Thanks for blessing the link with this one.
Brava to you!
In His grace,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-06 22:29:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10714
Dear Joanne,
This poem touched me, as I just sent my stepmom a bouquet of tulips for Mother's day. The way that you describe them just makes them look alive to me, with all of their glorious color. I like this line very very much:
At noon they breathe out deeply
praising, sighing, and then sleepily
nodding as evening prayers arise
from petals closing over tulip eyes
That is a beautiful image. Another lovely nature poem Joanne. Thanks for sharing.
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-05-05 14:36:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43750
Hi Joanne;
I just stumbled upon "Canticle". It is another perfect example of how you seize nature and seemingly shake it until it offers you words to please us all.
A day in the life of a tulip bed is something usually mundane for this reader. Yet, now I am regretting that I didn't plant more bulbs last fall.
The song is clearly heard whether morning, noon or night.
I love the line "nodding as evening prayers arise from petals closing over tulip eyes"...especially given that I am not religious...however you somehow touch my spirituality with your writing.
I may become like a swallow of Capistrano...but returning more frequently, to your Mission that provides comfort through the image provoking words of nature. The reason?...to again suggest everytime I read one of your gems of nature, to get your collection together to share with a greater audience who will certainly appreciate them as much as me.
Another excellent poem.
Take care
Mick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-25 23:24:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.73333
Hi Joanne,
This is just a wonderful hymn! I can’t imagine what tunes accompanied this piece. The orchestra of nature is silently whispering in my ears when I tried to reread and reread this. Chanting me… cradling me…relaxing me in a worry-free world. I like how you set the choruses:
“As flickering spring songs are sung
o’er din of birds’ announce
the day’s begun - the day’s begun!”
and alternately:
“As flickering spring songs are sung
o’er din of birds’ announce
the day is done - the day is done!”
--- This really sounds like a chorus! Declaring the beauty of “spring” in joyous ensemble. The coming of “spring” is truly a contagious and influential inspiration to all. Poets or even none poets can create instant masterpiece of music, poetry, paintings because of the undeniable attractiveness of this season. But the best of all, I like how these sweet little birds can say “thank yous” through their sweet innocent chirping! Spring always give “life” to everyone!
Is this a continuation of your so-equaled beauty “Spring Quartet”? I think so, the inspiration still continuous! Sorry, I was not able to comment on your poems last month. But I rooted for your “Spring Quartet” and “Daughter Of The Sea” but still glad that “By The Pond” wins. Congrats Joanne! If I could not give equal justice to my comment to your poems, I would rather pass it. I was busy last month with work and was not able to comment a lot instead of some short poems like haikus. (Now, I’m making it up to you…ha…ha…ha…) :)
“How blissfully tulips are glistening
each tilted face an upturned cup
of purple red or yellow gold, each
blossom’s ears bare to sun, listening”
--- Birds and tulips…what a delightful subjects for spring! They are ever compatible! Your animation, metaphors and presentations for tulips and its characteristics are truly awesome! I could not add for more! Now, I could not have this as my haiku subject, I’ve run out of ideas…you perfectly got it all! Just lovely Joanne, lovely! :)
“At noon they breathe out deeply
praising, sighing, and then sleepily
nodding as evening prayers arise
from petals closing over tulip eyes”
“sleepily nodding as evening prayers arise” --- this is really elevating! Again, I am super amaze by your lyrical prowess! Thus, practice makes perfect? You are my idol, when it comes to title naming (“Canticle” – again, simple but striking) and inspiring and deep lyrical writing. I always think of you when I attempt this! Your works are my inspirations! Thank you for sharing your talent freely!
I like how I felt after reading this piece! It instantly told me how I acquaint with nature. This is how all your poetry always works with your audience Joanne. A lasting bonding with nature is constantly experienced…a grateful appreciation with our Creator. You are a “genius” in touching one’s soul! Again, you have touched my “moment”.
I’m currently listening to a Christian music by Jaci Velasquez, “I’m Alive”:
“I’m alive
I’m alive
I feel Your arms around me
Your eyes of love surround me
I’m alive
To shine in pure perfection
And wake up every morning
In Your light
I’m so glad
I’m alive”
Hearing this music while reading your beautiful work is just perfect! Kudos and thank you!
As always,
Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-20 23:13:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42222
I just hung up the phone (so to speak) with JJH about her use and abuse of the "ing" thing, and I click over to Upperdoll's number, and it's like deja vu all over again. 90% of poetry is half musical.
She should stop by here and see how it's done.
I should shut my mouth and go plant rocks. I have no idea what I'm talking about.
tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-04-15 02:21:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Joanne--Love the title (I mean the sound of the word "Canticle"), I've added it to my word list.
The great combination of personifications ("...each tilted face an upturned cup..."/"...each
blossom's ers bare to sun..."/"...they breathe out..."/"...nodding..."/"...petals closing over
tulip eyes...")and end rhymes (glistening/listening; sung/begun; deeply/sleepily; arise/eyes)
create vivid imagery and excellent rhythmic tone.
The repeat of the first two lines in stanzas #2 and #4 are not only supreb examples of fresh personification, but when inter-mingled with stanzas #1 and #3, serves as a celebration of the
interim between the two twilights (morning and evening).
This stupendous written (nonliteral language) piece should be put to music ASAP-if not sooner-smile!!
Thanks for allowing us at TPL to share in this special effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-04-14 22:44:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Joanne,
This is an amazing, inspiring poem! Each word is perfectly chosen and a delight. I especially love blissfully/glistening/blossom's/listening. The "s" and "l" sounds remind me of soft, spring breezes moving through tall grass.
I think my favorite line is "from petals closing over tulip eyes" - it is truly inspired. You have such a gift for taking a moment in time and painting it into a permanent portrait for us to enjoy.
Thank you so much for posting.
Blessings,
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-04-12 22:32:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
When I was a Girl Scout, after each meeting we used to sing an ode to the day being done. As I read this the same nuances and cadence arose in my memory senses. So I guess all in all, from the lovely tulips, to the birds song, yes, the couse lends a lyrical quality to charming music and memory.
It's really a pleasant read, done in the wonderful Joanne flare, in chorus with the universe, as such it's soothing, and very charming, and has a wondersul cadence that blends wonderfully to music that has that inate ability to calm, warm, and make one realize, look up to see the beauty the surrounds us, extends, no doubt, to the whole of our universe.
I'm commenting because it has great appeal, and is written once again by TPL's vercion of a resident poetress.
Best, always, God Bless and love you, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-12 22:30:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne! you're tickled about spring, aren't you! My heavens, I check The Link 20 times a day
and The Canticle has been on there and has almost gone off my screen. I don't like how that happens.
I think everybody should have a chance to critique the new poems, no matter how popular they are.
Mell's is right behind yours, about 3rd from the bottom, so hurry hurry!
I had to look up Canticle, although I remember it from attending the Episcopal Church, I believe--
: SONG; specifically : one of several liturgical songs (as the Magnificat) taken from the Bible
Anyway, there I have it--and a song it is. I am so conditioned. I see your name and I know I'm gonna
love it, and you have definitely made this a song with your "chorus being repeated with just a change
in the time of day. The 's's' sing, esp. in S 1, but the p's get their air-time too, with tulips/
upturned/cup/purple/praising/(s)leepily/prayers/petals
each tilted face an upturned cup
such a definite picture here--I could draw these flowers from this line alone.
of purple red or yellow gold, each
your colors are really the boldest--no pastels of summer in this line! Just the bold shout of spring.
And your blossoms have ears! Well how cute and artistic is THAT?!
o’er din of birds’
ah, we have a counter-melody going here in both "choruses".
The day's begun--the day's begun! Such excitement in song and so true of the birdsongs--they just
go wild in celebration for the morning. You have captured that here.
from petals closing over tulip eyes
Sounds to me like the tulips have no choice, once the petals close over their eyes--like: bedtime tulips!
As flickering spring songs are sung
Then your chorus again--you know, flickering is a great descriptive here--is this an "action adjective"?
I know this poem "readied me up" for spring and ushered me into the mood of it with a flourish of
color and song. I've been waiting for your April offerings to begin and am so glad I caught this
one. I'm curious how you came up with your title. If you get time or feel inclined, let me know, ok?
Thanks for Joy today! Marcia
PS--& excuse--I just noticed your clever rhyme scheme--I think the ear takes it for granted, but there
it is in all its wonderful Craft:
glistening/listening....sung/begun.....deeply/sleepily......arise/eyes....&.....sung/done. Well done!MM
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-12 21:06:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Hi Joanne
Canticle...and what a perfect ode it is to spring! Beautiful words and lovely images.
How blissfully tulips are glistening.....lovely sound blissfully/glistening
each tilted face an upturned cup...I love this image...I wish mine were doing this!
of purple red or yellow gold, each...just to be different you might try 'magenta'or 'chamois'
only a thought.
blossom's ears bare o sun, listening....blossoms's ears...perfect!
as flickering spring songs are sung...love flickering! Our spring is just a flicker for sure
o'er din of birds' announce....I like the use of 'o'er' and 'din' in poetry...classy
the day's begun-the day's begun...good repetition in this and last line in S4
at noon they breathe out deeply...I can visualize their deep breath
praising, sighing, and then sleepily nodding as evening prayers arise
from petals closing over tulip eyes...these are my favorite lines...soft..delicate..sweet thought
as flickering spring songs are sung
o'er din of birds' announce
the day is done-the day is done
I must say I think this is one of the best nature poems you have written...but then I think
that of all of them...deary me I could never choose. But tonight this one is the best! And on
my list it goes!
BLessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-04-12 19:49:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne:
Thrilled as always to find a poem by you...right at the top of my list.
Oddly, I have had tulips in my mind for weeks as I guess it's that time
of year.
"Canticle" is the best title for your encomium to nature/spirituality
as it always has religious underpinnings for me and this love paean
to tulips is almost olde English in flavor and seems to follow the
canonical hours of days.
"How blissfully tulips are glistening
each tilted face an upturned cup
of purple red or yellow gold, each
blossom's ears bare to sun, listening..."
There is almost too much in Stanza 1 to wrap my mind around as the beautiful personification
of tulips unfolds. Your enjambment in this poem supercedes what I've seen before and always
the rhymes, the assonance, your signature delivery of images we have come to expect from you.
It doesn't get better than "blissfully tulips are glistening" or "tilted face an upturned cup"
or "ears bare to sun, listening."
"As flickering spring songs are sung
o'er din of birds' announce
the day's begun - the day's begun!"
And to what are these blossoms listening? Spring songs sung and the announce by birds (always birds)
that the day has started. You back-rhyme to sun of Stanza 1 and your "din" does the same with
glistening/listening.
This is akin to a church bell ringing to call all to morning prayer as the birds sing the origin
of day. And the tulips are part of this assembly for morning worship. (Compline).
"At noon they breathe out deeply
praising, sighing, and then sleepily
nodding as evening prayers arise
from petals closing over tulip eyes."
Oh, my! I hadn't "read thru" and now I find "evening prayers arise".
I like those tulips' siesta after noon; that is pure personification. Then their sleepiness
as the close of day approaches. Vespers is always the "evening prayer" for me; I truly do not
know canonical law...too many years since I studied.
Your rhymes here are more delectable than ever and if I could turn a phrase such as:
"from petals closing over tulip eyes",
I would thereafter rest on my laurels. So eloquent as to bring tears. You make your readers
care so much for your subjects or places (The Pond) and I am in love with your tulips!
Then the oh-so-clever way to finalize your prayer or hymn: a reiteration of S 2 but an end
of day instead.
"As flickering spring songs are sung
o'er din of birds' announce
the day is done - the day is done!"
And what a joyful day of praise it has been...for nature's beauty, for the notions of a
divine or spiritual import, for the real and true living beings whether bird or tulip.
Unlike man who sees a sky of indifferent blue or as Amy Clampitt wrote the "indifference
of the universe", these creatures and blossoms praise as they breathe, glisten, sing.
It is sad when nature does a far-better job than man and that is the main message I take
from your poem: a reminder of "God's Grandeur" (I cannot seem to stop quoting others) that
we humans take for granted. We pause not at cononical hours to issue a prayer or a touch
of gratitude...not even when reminded to do so.
I hope I'm making sense to you.
This is a hymn of praise equal to psalms and you laud the divine without saying that
directly. I am deeply moved by the evocative tone of your poem and I feel the poet's
joy in composing same. I seem to feel more power in a piece when I sense the writer's
devoted attention to detail and delivery as much as the theme.
It's not fancy words, Joanne, as you well know; it's not the rhymes nor meter nor any
poetic device, it's the calling of attention to matters most important such as the joys
radiating in nature. You feel so intensely for planet earth and believe me, that is well communicated in your poetry.
You light up TPL with a luminosity lacking in most postings.
Brava and a jam-potful of beautiful purple red and yellow
gold tulips!
Best ever,
Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-12 19:18:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92000
Joanne, I wish you'd sing this one for me! What a beautiful - and timely piece. As usual, the (loads of)assonance, the alliterations and the rhymings are superb. The metaphorical beginning just grabs the reader, making him/her continue for more, more. Yet, it is such a brief "song" and so complete when "day is done." :)
I enjoyed it immensely, and can see only one possible flaw [in the "chorus"]:
As flickering spring songs are sung
o’er din of birds’ announce*
the day’s begun - the day’s begun!
[*I think for this to be a noun, "announcement" would be correct. If a verb, the possessive of "birds'" would be incorrect.]
Other than that, nary a thing could be found. Thanks for posting and sharing this wonderful Easter "song".
Wayne
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