Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2004-04-16 22:32:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

An Atheistic Affermation of Faith

At your last moment, you must surely call out to God! Yes, with all my strength I will cry out! My voice joining others, ringing out, v resounding through the i d . .

Additional Notes:
A re-write from back a while. Different structure, title and verbiage.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-04 08:54:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Paul, What an intersting free verse this is! The structure of this piece is well done and the added touch of 'void' being vertically written through 'through' is perfection. Is there a name for that maneuver? If so I'm not aware of it, but I find this especially creative. The content of the poem is sad, yet probably quite accurate. The way you stated it is artful. Can you just imagine the deafening noise? Sorry, I know most people don't even want to think about it. This is one of the reasons why every Christian should volunteer in some type of ministry where the truth is spoken. But I guess I need to be quiet now before I get on my soap box. The only problem I see here is the typo in the title, a minor one. Thanks for sharing this poem. Posting it shows guts and spunk in my mind. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-03 08:11:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
Dear Paul I checked your original (Atheistic Faith ... yes?) and personally believe that that was better than this. My usual pedantry compels me to correct your title "Affirmation" not "Affermation". And the "void" somehow gets lost here. Rate me low if you must (and probably should) but this appears to skate to the surface of affirmation. A voice resounding through the void ... but if there is God, can there be void? Or is that that your faith doesn't let you affirm God that strongly, or is your faith in atheism so complete that there can only be void? Is void the only God an atheist knows? Why then cry out at all? I love poems that dig these questions out. You've done it again. I feel certain though that this goobledegook of mine does no justice to your intention. Best wishes, Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-23 21:05:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62687
Paul, I think I critiques the other one, and this one seems to be much more brief unless my memory is playing tricks again. I believe that makes it a much stronger statement, less of a pleading for acceptance of your position that I remember [I think] in the longer version. I wonder if the title is spelled correctly, or a variation somehow of "Affirmation". I couldn't find your spelling in my MW Collegiate. I truly like the image of "resounding through the void" as you have been very creative there. As to the subject, I guess I won't offer an opinion because I feel I won't know until I am actually in that situation, but you're probably correct. Best wishes. Wayne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-04-18 14:21:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Interesting poem my friend......strong structure good word flow, images indeed are created from your work. not only do they bring forth images of soldiers dug in deep but of the homeless sleeping on the streets, the sick and the dying all around the world may someday cry out with little or no faith for it is in that moment of time, if you are allowed that moment in time, to acknowledge there is a God and you are reaching out to Him that loves you so much. Like the way void was also added to the closing line. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us....I am sorry I do not recall reading the first print but I am certain it touched many as well. Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-18 09:17:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Paul, I didn't see the other version of this, but I think you've got something here worth working at. One of my better poems took hundreds (yes, literally!) of revisions and nearly a decade to perfect. The good ones are worth the time and patience to reach for the "aha" moment we are all looking for. Not sure if you're quite there yet, but this format works, the title is intriguing and the words work for me. I'd like to see you find a way to seperate the final word "void" where the whole piece rests. It's a bit crammed in with this draft under the 's' from 'others'. It also seems you're stopping short with the idea. Are you simply saying that you'll go ahead and live your life the way you want and then at the last minute call out to God for salvation (because you know you should but you don't want the authority?)...perhaps I'm reading too much into it. Something to think about. If possible, work towards completing the thought for the reader, or put it out there a bit more before dropping it all on 'void.' Regards, Don

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-17 16:37:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Paul, I liked the concept and the way that you wrote the (void) like a scrabble word. There is a misspell in the title, and I am sure you caught it as soon as you sent it, I normally do...lol. Yes, I think that even an athiest will call out to God if they have the time before they pass. I watched my Mother die by inches, and in her final days, she was able to reconcile herself with the God of her childhood. She died peacefully. I don't believe there is a void, I believe that God is directing my path and I am sorry for those that don't have their faith to lean on. Thanks for sharing, Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-04-17 15:43:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Paul: Good to see a poem by you. I'm sure you've already noted your title typo and all and sundry will point to it. I like your novel structure, somewhat of a calligram or whatever those figure poems are called. I do not recall seeing this before but I have been absent a great deal. Your poem is reminiscent of the old aphorism: there are no atheists in foxholes. The difference here is yours is a dialogue piece with Stanza 1 addressed from 1st person to 2nd and Stanza 2 is the reply of the addressee in 1st person. Don't I complicate matters! But I point it out because I find it clever and a rarity in the poetry at TPL. "At your last moment, you must surely call out to God! Yes, with all my strength I will cry out! My voice joining others, ringing out, v resounding through the i d . ." There are pleasant vocables herein...call/cry are harmonious options for verbs. Likewise the use of voice/void puts our mouths in the same formation. The allits of ringing/resounding are noted and I like the fact that the atheist feels he will not be alone but his calling aloud joined with other voices. "With all my strength" packs the most power as the non-believer affirms his resolution to turn to God at the last moment. What is a nonplus for me is the fact that we may not know when our last moment comes and so his vow is not worth that much. Too bad he cannot approach God now when there is time. For me, that is the TIC irony of your poem. You deliver this in an understated manner so the reader must attend with an inner ear. Those with faith have little patience with atheists, IMO, so the dialogue opens a window that needs opening. Your poetry is often spiritual and we have many religious poets on board so I know they warmly respond to your postings. Paul, I enjoyed this and find nothing to add nor delete. I think your theme is interesting and important, tied up in a tight bundle, succinct and terse. Spare writing has a strong appeal for me so thank you for posting. Best wishes, Mell Morris

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!