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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-04-17 09:34:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Gone

Give us space between the hours Or time between the miles To take the desert to our water Our teary sovereignty Make a ready wit our anchor While fingers walk our lips To where all winds fall in a pool Of sudden yesterdays Ride naked on fallen bridges Swing from a snapping vine Teach me grace to lose everything In emptiness of days Address continents of flowers To aching sunsets for your tea When you recite the universe You won’t remember me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-07 12:21:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Oh, but I will remember! How could I forget: To take the desert to our water Our teary sovereignty or Ride naked on fallen bridges Swing from a snapping vine anyway, when I recite the universe i am sure there will be a tincture of poetry in the tribute - else what was it all for anyway? The only line short of genius in this poem is Of sudden yesterdays when seems a litte hakneyed splendid piece, Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-04 14:44:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.98000
Mark--I think I have just discovered--or re-discovered you. I'm pretty sure you were here a couple years ago when I was here also--and maybe I've grown some, but I find this riveting. Gone Give us space between the hours Or time between the miles To take the desert to our water Our teary sovereignty The thing that really inspires me about this piece is it "almost" down to earth enough to let the sand sift through my fingers--and yet each S. has a "gem" of pure (IMO)poetic stance to knock my socks off! I was pretty "through" for last month, really--what with a life to try to run in some acceptable direction--Laugh--and then I found this. Take the desert to our water--that did it for ME! Make a ready wit our anchor While fingers walk our lips To where all winds fall in a pool Of sudden yesterdays "wit our anchor"--(like a word explosion)--fingers walk our lips--wow---to where all winds fall in a pool of sudden yesterdays. All four lines here: cut my mustard. Ride naked on fallen bridges Swing from a snapping vine Teach me grace to lose everything In emptiness of days Same here--bold images--oh if we all could learn the grace to lose everything. Now that's grace. In emptiness of days--almost incomprehsible and certainly feared, but contemplated here just the same. When you recite the universe You won’t remember me. Where do you go to find these expressions? To the outer-reaches, I guess. Well, I'm glad I stopped by--this is my kind of poem. It's a recipe for living as I see it--because we do this and then it's/we're gone. But oh what a mark you make in the meantime. Good Luck. Marcia

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-20 16:15:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43902
Mark- I love this piece. I am running through your cylce of four fantastic poems and will make this brief. MY favorite stanza is the last, with three fabulous metaphors leading into the finale. Real pain expressed here in beautiful form and pictures. Outstanding. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-18 22:51:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72000
Mark, I like the melancholic mood of this piece, the vivid and picturesque imagery here. You've got a unique voice and flow. I haven't seen you on the Link until just now, so, nice to meet you through your writing. I'd like to see where else you might go with this. Do you intend to keep it simple and on the levels you're writing? Or, do you want to go deeper here? What else is going on here? I get the feeling (forgive me if I'm reading too much into this) that there's something else, some other place you were trying to get to with this one, but you relied instead on the mood and the visual imagery instead of going deeper. I'd like to challenge you to see if there's more there. Go for it, and share it with us if you do a revision. Thanks again for sharing your poem with us. I enjoyed it. Warm regards, Don

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-18 13:48:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84314
Mark, I truly enjoy your dramatic imagery, your comparisons and the intellectual content so discernible in this poem, and many of your others as well. The rhythm makes them flow, but the message truly makes the reader become a part of the piece, involved. Again, the alliteration and assonance I find in this is one of the strong elements I find through much of your work. The closing couplet is a powerful close, not only for the surprise factor, but probably due to picking up the rhyme - "tea, me" and even going back to L4's "sovereignty". I notice the lack of punctuation in this one, which works well, and other times your punctuation is so perfect. I guess you really have a feel for when it works, and when it is not needed. Superb job. I cannot improve it a bit. Thanks for posting. Best wishes, Wayne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-04-18 01:16:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark Andrew, Your consistently good metaphors are only walking out to sea here. And your lyricism. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. I remember your bile, and will probably get a Fing 1 for this critique. No matter. I admire your poetry, and am glad you are submitting here. Mark Steven

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