This Poem was Submitted By: housam majid jarrar On Date: 2004-05-04 04:58:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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LOVE

                   It seeks you                but it can never be sought                   It free's you               yet it can never be bought            what a splendid display of colors         it can make you imagine and be destrought.                It steals all you visions            and replaces them with a thought                  of only one thing             and that thing is something          that has never resently been brought          Heaven and  what could it bring you              if you just simply hault.             Imagine the possibilities            if only someone research it                  or even taught             the wonders of the heart                that lies ahead.       For love is the most beautiful thing      to resonate or just perfectly be said.            A beginning of a mission     I say to you as it was never meant to end.                   love someone             for life is too short       to be envied or to try to comprehend.

Copyright © May 2004 housam majid jarrar

Additional Notes:
this poem is a first braft,so i hope you all like it.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-02 17:56:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It's a beautiful poem with much to offer the reader. The several mispellings I am sure you will have pointed out to you on every other critique, so I won't go into that. Love is a big topic, and several rather large categories of things which can be pointed out within it. You choose some rather excellent points within that. Above all the work seems to resonate with the largeness and timelessness of the subject. This is as it should be. The last stanza is meant to be the climax of the tone of the poem, but I disagree with it's premise in that I know that each individual CAN comprehend their own loving nature. I think that this is more important to love everyone than to love just someone. Loving someone can result in many bad roads along with the good. I think that loving everyone and most of all yourself truly is the most important. Still, it's your poem and you can saw whatever you want, just telling you what came up for me during the work. The poem is a bit stop and start for me, without really finding a rhythm after the first few lines. The last stanza catches back the rhythm that was lost, but it seems like this could be done a bit better. Thanks, REEG!


This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Anne Korb On Date: 2004-05-27 13:24:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Housam: Your rhyme is lovely, and we get the idea of the fact that you admire and want others to experience love. The problem is that I think words in a poem should paint those feelings on the canvass...I can't see what it is that you're feeling..I can't experience it. You are giving rhymed advice...lovely as it is. I don't feel what it is that you're feeling and I think I must. the meter is somewhat skewed, and you should pay attention to spelling errors as well. But I think you have talent if you seek to express how you actually feel.
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-24 20:46:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82143
Housam, I have not read any of your poems before. This is the first one I have read. I must say I was surprised at how well you capture many of the aspects and qualities that pertain to love. This is a topic humans have spent centuries trying to understand, and you have said so much in such a short space. I must say to you that I am very impressed with your knowledge and skills in putting these words down so well together. Very well done! My favorite line is: "For love is the most beautiful thing/to resonate or just perfectly be said." A truth I am sure you know by having found it to be true in your life. Your challenge at the end is also heavy with wisdom. I appreciate the way you put this together, and I am glad you shared it with us here at the Poetic Link. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts on your poem. Warm regards, Don
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2004-05-12 00:19:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Housam, I feel you are not a native English speaker, correct? What is your native tongue? While the thoughts in this poem are beautiful, it unfortunately is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors: free's should be frees, destrought should be distraught, "you visions" should be "your visions," resently should be recently, hault should be halt. I like the rhyme scheme you used here. The poem could be much improved by paying close attention to grammar and spelling and also by flushing out some of the ideas, tell us what colors the splendid display are, tell us about the visions, tell us about the wonders of the heart. Never assume you reader knows or can see the things that you can. Bring the reader the images of your mind into words. Thank you for sharing this poem.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-09 13:52:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I see you've submitted many in the past, but believe this is my first reading of your work, so I'll begin by saying, "Hi!" It seeks you but it can never be sought It free's you - [the apostrophe is not needed here, IMO.] yet it can never be bought what a splendid display of colors it can make you imagine and be destrought. - [sp. "distraught"] It steals all you visions - [...all your visions] and replaces them with a thought of only one thing and that thing is something that has never resently been brought - [sp. "recently"] Heaven and what could it bring you if you just simply hault. - [sp. "halt"] Imagine the possibilities if only someone research it - ["...researched it"?] or even taught the wonders of the heart that lies ahead. - ["that lie ahead" with period deleted to continue into next line?] For love is the most beautiful thing - ["for love..." if above is acceptable?] to resonate or just perfectly be said. - [Nice closing couplet on this stanza!] A beginning of a mission I say to you as it was never meant to end. love someone - [Capital L, to keep with prior format at beginning of sentences?] for life is too short to be envied or to try to comprehend. Some wonderful and thoughtful images and statements, and with the "polish" will be a much appreciated poetic sentiment to any one considering love. Thanks for posting, and hope I haven't been too harsh - only honest. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-07 18:54:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi housam, Nice to see you're back to the link. I remember critiquing your poems before. I think it was in 2000 or 2001. Anyway, this one is a special topic for me. I am in the age where lavish love is spurring (I am in my 20's, 24 to be exact). And I am always tickled when it comes to love. Your view about love is universal but there is something new in your ideas. "Love seeks you but it can never be sought" --- I agree! I currently in love with a beautiful lady and I really did not expect it to happen. I just noticed that I fell in love with her. We never had an aquaintance before but in an instant, love has sought me. " It free's you yet it can never be bought" --- the apostrophe is no longer needed here I think. But the simplicity of the idea makes me nod for yes. Really true! what a splendid display of colors it can make you imagine and be destrought. -- I think you have a typo here "distrought"? But it is true that love displays splendid colors. Rght now I am in love, and I am just seeing the colors in my life. "and that thing is something that has never resently been brought Heaven and what could it bring you if you just simply hault." Irresistible idea! Genuine! The ending is irresistible, too! "Love someone for life is too short to be envied or to try to comprehend." A golden idea to remember always especially for me! Thanks for sharing and seeing love in splendid colors! Jordan
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