This Poem was Submitted By: Valene L Johnson On Date: 2004-05-06 01:03:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Language of the Angels

flutter, flutter; ten-thousand tongues  ruffle the spirit. in the midst of flight, cellophane heavens soar out the mouth. kissed of anguish the blue sky cries, "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" the lips ignite songs triumphant, and the wind stirs, and the sails glide. with wings risen truly, truly feather-light blue time trickles time. beyond freedom understanding has streamed above, and so descends the tongue of angels. purely spun words birthed from the womb of naked light.

Copyright © May 2004 Valene L Johnson

Additional Notes:
this has been redone a million times it seems i hope you enjoy this, god bless v.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-06-03 16:38:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61905
Valene: I can't fault this piece. It flows well and the diction is outstanding. This is good poetry. Writer: "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" LJMC: I assume this single, long line is an error in posting? Thank you for posting. Lennard McIntosh


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-02 00:07:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I find it an interesting work. The work has this very long line- the longest in it- to present a very human feeling. This is interesting for it's contrast to the baseness of the emotion, along with the physical contrasts inherent. So it's called out as clearly as a clarion and it's something I heard quite a bit when I was moving into the spiritual life. A call from all and sundry who were threatened by the fact that I might be leaving them behind- when in fact all I wanted to do was realize the reality that I encompassed them, and they me. There are many aspects of this separation anxiety had by the sky in this work that I think of. This is what for me makes the work- really brilliant. Everything else is as it should be- all purity and light. The sky contains all this, and yet it's the one which is asking the question. This sort of paradox is typical of the demands asked of you by such a life. You display an intuition about the spirituality which I realize we all possess, but few can really come up with such an evolved sense of it as you have done. Super job. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-26 19:52:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667
Valene, the angels have spoken - well and surely. Some very nice use of the poets' tools: alliteration, assonance (e.g. sky, cries, triumphant and freedom, steamed), and wonderful imagery, too. I thought maybe the switch from plural "tongues" in L2 to the singular "tongue of angels" in L22 might be incorrect, but feel that this is correct as it stands, because it is meant as the "language" of angels, not dissimilar to the "language" of any group. Hope I am reading correctly, but no big deal, for sure. Thanks for the enjoyable read. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-05-19 15:48:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Valene: I read in your additional notes that you continue to redo this poem. I want to suggest keeping all of the originals, if you still have them. And this one! Though you may choose at some time to accept suggestions for change, I find within this poem an authentic voice which thrills me, as the discovery of a new poet always does. You have something going on in this piece that is fresh, original and worthy of publication for a wider audience. I want to describe as accurately as I can what reading it does for me and why, and that will be a bit challenging, as the effect of your words is electrifying! flutter, flutter; ten-thousand tongues ruffle the spirit. in the midst of flight, cellophane heavens soar out the mouth. Maybe it's the sound of "flutter, flutter" which immediately sets up an auditory cue for me - and those sounds, combined in the assonance of "ruffle/tongue" are sublime. You've used many fricative 'f' sounds, "flutter/ruffle/flight" which gives an airy, lighter-than-light feel to the first few lines. There is wonderful, surreal quality as the "cellophane heavens/soar out of the mouth." Imagining the sounds of fluttering and the crinkling of "cellophane heavens" soaring just takes me into outer space. I am reminded of paintings of Carvaggio's angels, but also of a contemporary artist, Reneal. kissed of anguish the blue sky cries, "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" the lips ignite songs triumphant, and the wind stirs, and the sails glide. These lines above are a feast of sound for this reader. Variations of the assonant 'i' sound, for example, in each line above with "kissed/anguish/sky/cries/why/lips/ignite/triumphant/wind/stirs/glide" defy analysis, but simply fill me with joy. There is a sense of airy movement (wind stirs/sails glide) throughout the piece, and the fire element in "lips ignite" seems a beauteous image for the flames often associated with the gift of tongues. Your "time trickles time" is my favorite line in the work, as it seems to suspend our usual notion of time. It moves beyond our ordinary concept of "clock time" with the brilliance of your metaphor. Time becomes liquid, and surprises, just as the "cellophane heavens" which "soar out of the mouth" in the first strophe awakens the reader with unexpected imagery. "purely spun words birthed from the womb of naked light" I absolutely love the last three lines! These "purely spun words" do truly seem inspired, and inspiring! I am left with the image of their birth "from the womb/of naked light" and I am completely dazzled. Your poem truly honors these messengers of God. I am looking forward to reading much more of your work. Magnificent! Bravo! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-09 01:24:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Valene--This is a beautiful poem with all the right, sparkling, "purely spun" words that it needs-- but the one line: flutter, flutter; ten-thousand tongues ruffle the spirit. in the midst of flight, cellophane heavens soar out the mouth. kissed of anguish the blue sky cries, "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" the lips ignite songs triumphant, and the wind stirs, and the sails glide. "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" would be so much better served to be two lines: "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" Don't you think? I halfway think this was an oversight because of the way it obviously sticks out. Everything else is brilliant--grand, fluid poetry that sings its way into my imagination. You have so much going for you here--but the one line needs to be shortened to fit the rest of the format. "time trickles time"--excellent, and of course it does, if you just think aBOUT IT. "the tongue of angels" is alos an excellent line. purely spun words birthed from the womb of naked light. This last verse could not be any better. It is poetic, "pure" "true" and "engaging" all at the same time. A Wonderful read. Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-07 19:21:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Valene, I can feel the fluttering of light feathers of the angels as I read this wonderful artistry of yours. The title itself "The Language of the Angels" is a wonder! This makes me think higher and my mind is fluttering high but lightly! Am I making a new world of language here? Just enjoying the thought! flutter, flutter; ten-thousand tongues ruffle the spirit. in the midst of flight, cellophane heavens soar out the mouth. The fricative 'f' is wonderful and it seems to create a certain language. A allits of 't' seems to give a fluttering sound. Very nice read and the imagery is quite amazing! The imagery continues to wonder me as I read the second stanza. It is a wonder but it seems you can feel the common existence of it! The question "why do you not look upon me with lust anymore?" seems to conote a biblical impact. The third stanza is a light to read and once again the 't' allit creates a wonderful sound. And here comes the revelation of the theme: "and so descends the tongue of angels. purely spun words birthed from the womb of naked light." Very thrilling and really wonderful! Heavenly sweet! Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to more of your submissions this month. Jordan
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