This Poem was Submitted By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-20 13:39:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Above the Well

“From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured of whatever disease he had.” –John 5:4 Most days I wander thick fields, watching sharp movements of the pine. I cross the fence through waist-deep grass, keep pace in underboughs still wet with rain. When the storm hits cold stones below my feet smell like wind stirring the water. What pinches the switch of my soul? Such marks feed heat like hot scraps of desperation raging the storm. The branch comes crashing down, tangles itself in the fence. My hands hurry to build an earthen ladder from the remains, wrestle God against the open spaces, throw down language from a new Babel. A dry thirst pulls up from the well an ocean, asking why I seek to sustain myself this way? If I spit, I choose faith to wash with. The earth grips cracks near the well in deep rock where mud fills my eyes; I climb an inner rope to sight, yet here I am clinging to the earth. What do I hope for in the depth of the well? Sometimes the ocean stands from its stone valley, stretches, curves up over breakers where I now crouch, watching seaweed curl, spread out like needles around a fire. Here, small crabs angry and clambering stomp back beneath the rocks away from light, new sight.

Copyright © May 2004 G. Donald Cribbs


This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-05 18:19:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.49057
Don, such a lot of fantastic imagery to devour. Great personification work. Alliteration and assonance are good, too. I struggled a little with some of those images, kind of way out there, IMO. [e.g. "wrestle God against the open spaces", and "When the storm hits cold stones below/my feet smell like wind stirring the water."] They are vivid, but quite a stretch for poor little me. The last verse seemed stronger, less vague. I really liked that closing stanza. Maybe it's because I'm from the coast, and therefore, relate better. I can detect the excellence of rhythm and the use of poetic tools is outstanding. Very well constructed and I can see that a lot of time and work must have gone into this piece. Thanks for sharing with us. peace. wrl


This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-06-03 21:29:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Don, I so much enjoy your work! There's in this one a strong sense of resistance to spiritual enlightenment. There are self-imposed barriers, as indicated by the metaphoric branch that crashes down, the tangles of it around the fence, and even something so innocuous as the waist-deep grass in S1. When the storm hits cold stones below my feet smell like wind stirring the water. [Wonderful!! - There is hope being offered here]. What pinches the switch of my soul? [pinches/switch - great sonics; vivid analogy, too] Such marks feed heat like hot scraps of desperation raging the storm. [effective contrast to the earlier "cold stone"] The branch comes crashing down, tangles itself in the fence. My hands hurry to build an earthen ladder from the remains, wrestle God against the open spaces, throw down language from a new Babel. The speaker will surmount the barricade through human effort; he seems bent on setting his own path. The "new Babel" will still bar him from communication with God, whom he apparently has confronted and walled-out. A dry thirst pulls up from the well an ocean, [interesting inversion here!] asking why I seek to sustain myself this way? If I spit, I choose faith to wash with. [Is faith sufficient? Does the speaker actually possess as much of this as he believes he has?] I climb an inner rope to sight, yet here I am clinging to the earth. Oh yes, the bondage is secure and also unresisted. This person chooses materialistic ties, even as he seeks a higher truth. He seems frustrated by the conflict between simple faith and individual ambition. The "inner rope to sight" must be frayed and tenuous from his repeated attempts to conquer it. What do I hope for in the depth of the well? [depths, perhaps? I think he is less concerned with the fact that it is deep, and more with its very enigmatic presence] Ah, crucial question. The speaker seems unable to identify what he's lacking. He needs healing but doesn't know it. There's a subtle baptismal connotation to the waters that rise up and curl over. He appears to want this water, washing him free of doubt. Yet still he mentally steps aside and the illuminationg moment slips away. Here, small crabs angry and clambering stomp back beneath the rocks away from light, new sight. The parallel between the crabs' behavior and the speaker's action - or lack of it - is well established and concludes the poem in a natural way. Yet we don't expect it, because he has earlier been bound to the land and the fields. It's appropriate that "new sight" concludes the piece, because this is probably what the speaker fully realizes he needs; yet he fears it, like the "small crabs angry and clambering" [what amazing sounds you combine here!] He has not yet learned that light is a friend, and hides himself away from it. Perhaps some of the crabs' anger has been transferred to them, from the speaker's own inner turmoil. This is splendid writing - subtle, intelligent and excellently crafted. My Best, Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Anne Korb On Date: 2004-05-28 23:15:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
I think this poem depicts the author's struggle with his faith. He seeks to see what God would have him see and yet doesn't seem satisfied that he has yet seen what he was meant to see. "The earth grips cracks near the well/in deep rock where mud fills my eyes;/I climb an inner rope to sight, yet here I am clinging to the earth." "What do I hope for in the depth of the well?....perhaps he begins to depair that he cannot see. Beautiful imagery........"Here, small crabs angry and clambering stomp back beneath the rocks away from light, new sight"....here he sees something new. Lovely poem.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-05-24 22:16:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Don: This is one of the poems I meant in my reply. It is so outstanding that I am a bit "flummoxed" in figuring out how to give you all of my responses. I realize that there isn't time nor bandwidth to do so! It's so excellent, in so many ways, and yet, each time I read it, something more takes place inside me, that I've stalled on responding. I'm not finished with this poem yet and won't be in the near future so I am just sending you a few thoughts and hope you'll realize what a grand work you have. I think that as a poet, you must realize that your own work is worthwhile, but you may not know how deeply stirring it is, when read for the first time by someone new to your writing style. It is melodious, well-crafted, and everything that good poetry 'should be' but contains a deeper element that continues to work on the reader long after the page is turned, so to speak. I need to give you an example of what I mean - “From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured of whatever disease he had.” –John 5:4 I've read this scripture before, but not considered it in application, the way you do in the poem. Most days I wander thick fields, watching sharp movements of the pine. I cross the fence through waist-deep grass, keep pace in underboughs still wet with rain. The poetics -- the crafting -- for example, allits with 'w' and assonance of "waist-deep/rain/pace" is astonishing. You immediately bring the reader into the speaker's experience. It's like an adventure, with someone very sure-footed (or so it appears) leading the way. One wonders why the speaker wanders "most days." What is he searching for, or what is he avoiding? Francis Thompson's "Hound of Heaven" comes to mind in these first four lines. "When the storm hits cold stones below my feet smell like wind stirring the water." AMAZING! How you've conjoined the senses, in a fresh, surprising way. I think of 'synesthesia' and wonder about the ability of feet to 'smell' rather than *forgive me* - be smelled. The mundane mixed with the heavenly. What pinches the switch of my soul? -- and this! Such marks feed heat like hot scraps --ah, the cadence here is superbly done of desperation raging the storm. It's a daring question, a daring slant-rhyme -- "pinches the switch" is like a bit of lightning dashing across the visual field. The branch comes crashing down, tangles itself in the fence. My hands hurry to build an earthen ladder from the remains, wrestle God against the open spaces, throw down language from a new Babel. The most remarkable strophe so far, the one above, at least in this reader's view. We were prepared for some spiritual adventure by the scriptural epigraph, but this comes, nevertheless, in a quite startling way. What a thought -- wrestling "God against the open spaces" -- dazzling. How does this happen? Is it that we (the speaker, anyone reading) encounter divinity in all created spaces? When nature's elements are as they are here "raging the storm" does our ability to experience the numinous encounter increase if we are aware? Certainly, reading this feels like a preparation for such experience. A dry thirst pulls up from the well an ocean, asking why I seek to sustain myself this way? If I spit, I choose faith to wash with. I must say here that I'd give anything if I could have written these three lines above - especially "dry thirst pulls up from the well of an ocean." The earth "grips" cracks near the well -- wonderful slant-rhyme with "spit" in deep rock where mud fills my eyes; I climb an "inner rope to sight", ---this, after all, is everyman's journey, we see yet here I am clinging to the earth. I am left breathless at this juncture, realizing that I have been on similar journeys, and "yet here I am clinging to the earth." What do I hope for in the depth of the well? Sometimes the ocean stands from its stone valley, And the final lines leave us completely folded on the sand. We see ourselves in our dual natures - the spiritual and the 'clinging to earth' - the one which seeks and yet avoids the light. Thrilling, luminous writing - the imagery of how "the ocean stands from its stone valley" to "needles around a fire." And the angry crabs, like the emotions we continuously carry, which draw us "back beneath the rocks away from light, new sight." Well - I must close -- this attempt is far less than I wanted to say, but as you see, it seems that no matter how many words I gather, I can't really convey to you the insights that I'd like about this work. It is magnificent in every way! Bravo! My heartiest good wishes, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-21 10:39:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Most days I wander thick fields, watching sharp movements of the pine. There is magic in your adjectives. I cross the fence through waist-deep grass, keep pace in underboughs still wet with rain. When the storm hits cold stones below my feet smell like wind stirring the water. This does not work for me as the introductory phrase, “my feet smell like… has been overworked enough to not promise much olfactory pleasure although certainly the offered scent of “wind stirring the water” is pleasant indeed. What pinches the switch of my soul? [Is it sweet assonance and luscious language?} Such marks feed heat like hot scraps of desperation raging the storm. incredible simile [A] branch comes crashing down, tangles itself in the fence. My hands hurry to build an earthen ladder from the remains, wrestle God against the open spaces, throw down language from a new Babel. Ah, yes, “Jacob,” in spite of the chaos around us we go on building and wrestling and translating ourselves from the center of the tempest. What and powerful and deeply contemplative section this is. A dry thirst pulls up from the well an ocean, Why the reversal here? Would it no scan as well to say A dry thirst pulls an ocean up from the well? asking why I seek to sustain myself this way? If I spit, I choose faith to wash with. Is “with which to watch” too stilted? The earth grips cracks near the well in deep rock where mud fills my eyes; I climb an inner rope to sight, yet here I am clinging to the earth. This is the dilemma of our precarious balancing act with nature/faith,/hope yes, how very insightful. {pardon he pun] . What do I hope for in the depth of the well? Sometimes the ocean stands from its stone valley, stretches, curves up over breakers where I now crouch, watching seaweed curl, spread out like needles around a fire. [astonishing allusion]Here, small crabs angry and clambering stomp back beneath the rocks away from light, new sight. A whole process of evolutionally back-peddling and/ or blindness to creation and miracle – in an nutshell. This remarkable poem is sure to be an inspiration to people of faith. The title puts me in mind of the many Biblical activities and conversations at wells – which were, after all, the Starbucks of the Hagar generation.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-05-20 21:24:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Dear G. This line alone my feet smell like wind stirring the water. in very funny but I think the lack of puncation or a line break at my feet on the above line would save it. Jane : )
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-05-20 16:14:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Don: This is the second of your poems I've reviewed. It's totally apparent that you are talented, experienced, and educated about this business of poetry writing. I hadn't looked at a poem since college (many moons ago) until joining TPL and I'm yet in the larva stage. I'm especially fond of free verse in stanzaic form, that for which you opt herein. Your piece is filled with poetics: allits, assonance, internal rhymes. You have employed my favorite sound...the hard C in almost every stanza. Stanza 5 has 3 such words and stanza 6 has 5 such sounds. Poetry is all about sound for me so I comment on the above as it strikes me as grand euphony. Your beginning quote from John would better serve the reader if framed in two lines in lieu of one that runs off every page, no matter your resolution. Your metaphysical poem lends itself to varied interpretations with a lovely opener: Most days I wander thick fields, watching sharp movements of the pine. I cross the fence through waist-deeo grass, keep pace in underboughs (still) wet with rain. ....do you need the word?... When the storm hits cold stones below my feet smell like wind stirring the water. I especially like line six. Nice assonance with waist/pace/rain. Stanza 2 dazzles with alliteratives. You ask what twitches/tingles your soul but I haven't found the answer. Your simile "hot scraps of desperation" is deftly drawn. Stanza 3 is quite compelling with the branch falling, your runging of it, your battle with your God, and the branch propped against tree and fence becomes your tower of Babel. A "new" Babel...does that mean "new" language? I find it quite apposite and brave to wrestle the Lord for new knowledge/language/ path from the "desperation raging the storm." The divinity to slake your thirst on your spiritual quest. Doesn't get mush richer than that, IMO. A dry thirst pulls (up) from the well an ocean, ....do you need the word?... asking why I seek to sustain myself this way(?). If I spit, I choose faith to wash with. I find the last line of stanza 4 excellent. Your eleven sibilant sounds are effective herein. Is stanza 5 occurring in imagination only? That it is the way it reads to me. By the bye, I like the pattern of hexastich, tercet, quatrain, tercet, quatrain, hexastich. Appealing to my senses, particularly visual. You pose a query in your final stanza which I feel you answer. What do I hope for in the depth of the well? Back to your quote from John, a healing recovery from whatever ails you. I think your answer, too, is the opposite of the crabs' reaction. They scurry away to hide under rocks (rupiculous critters), away from light, new sight. While crouching, you seek the curative powers of the well to provide light, another metaphor for knowledge. You really hold back nothing, poetics-wise: the hard C sounds, the assonance with the long O in hope/ocean/stone/over/, the rhymes of light/sight and weed/need and allits of back/beneath. I usually don't bother pointing out such unless they are done with agility and charm which yours are. What I take from your poem is that you are on a spiritual journey (as many of us) and you use imagery/instances from the bible to depict your progress and occasional encumberance. This is a poem to which I will return many times for its richness of linguistry and because I believe I may find a different import each time I read. An accomplished piece of writing. Bravo! Best, Mell
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