This Poem was Submitted By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-14 21:56:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Alabaster Angel Wings

The search for alabaster angel wings leads to a flight inside my head to wash unclean things discovered there, living there, forever dying there. So, Spirit, hold my hand, lead the way into a realm of make-believe, a hallucination called today, a brain grave I’ll never leave. There’s a lonely ringing, whistling, screaming soprano screeching inside my skull. Out! Out! Trying to escape. I don’t know the note, the pitch, but it’s steady, unrelenting no matter what I do. I want to hammer it, stab it, shoot it, re-tune it, drown it, kill it in its own slimy blue-red blood, scoop out all the gray screams and bury them in a great ocean of salty tears. My hair roots scratch their off-white brain-home –  colored like a dirty week-old dog bone stripped of marrow and marred by tartar-stained teeth, fangs that stripped skin, membranes, flesh –  a skull not yet pure, not clean and gleaming like alabaster angel wings. From jowls comes a drooling, bloody tongue snake to lap redness from the bone, purify it, make it white like alabaster angel wings. The screams and screeches are real,  outside stuff all fake –  imitations, distractions. The real world is always there; the other world visits on occasion then retreats to its vacation in the nothingness of night. Electric shock for a disconnect, a supercharge? Should I reside inside or outside as I dream of alabaster angel wings?

Copyright © June 2004 Wayne R. Leach


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 00:02:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Lovely and evocative –the rhythm of this poem rises, dips and then soars. I like the uneven but ballanced rhyme also. The search for alabaster angel wings leads to a flight inside my head to wash unclean things discovered there, living there, forever dying there. The life- in death construct is amazing So, Spirit, hold my hand, lead the way into a realm of make-believe, The word –“Make- believe” seems a little weak for the seriousness of this poem A hallucination called today, [ah, yes] a brain grave I’ll never leave. really interesting use of internal rhyme and fresh language here There’s a lonely ringing, whistling, screaming soprano screeching inside my skull. [ah, the tintinnabulation of life, life, life – extraordinary!] Out! Out! Trying to escape. I don’t know the note, the pitch, but it’s steady, unrelenting no matter what I do. [Have you ever read Oliver Sack’s book on the human brain and the phenomenon of auditory hallucination? I am reminded of that remarkable piece by this poem ] I want to hammer it, stab it, shoot it, re-tune it, drown it, kill it in its own slimy blue-red blood, scoop out all the gray screams and bury them in a great ocean of salty tears. [a little ordinary a phrase for this extraordinary piece even though it does evoke the liquid of the inner ear. My hair roots scratch their off-white brain-home – colored like a dirty week-old dog bone [wow] stripped of marrow and marred by tartar-stained teeth, fangs that stripped skin, membranes, flesh – a skull not yet pure, not clean and gleaming like alabaster angel wings. what a leap! From jowls comes a drooling, bloody tongue snake to lap redness from the bone, purify it, make it white like alabaster angel wings. The rhythm of the chorus pick up here in an ominous foreshadowing The screams and screeches are real, outside stuff all fake – imitations, distractions. The real world is always there; the other world visits on occasion then retreats to its vacation in the nothingness of night. Electric shock for a disconnect, a supercharge? Should I reside inside or outside as I dream of alabaster angel wings? Another amazing poem, Wayne. Thank you


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-01 18:52:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.90625
Wayne, Hmmmm. I dunno about this one. There are some very good moments, good phrases, and good rhythmic sections, like: I want to hammer it, stab it, shoot it, re-tune it, drown it, kill it in its own slimy blue-red blood, The great value in critiquing is it forces you to analyze what makes, for you, a good poem. I'm early in that stage of analysis. I wish i had something more to offer here than the nothing i've given so far. Bear with me. Maybe if i keep at this long enough, i'll get good at it. In the meantime, i'll try to be entertaining. This place is moribund; mordant, or droll, would be better. Just my preference. Not that i'm mordant with you here, my friend. The place is also too full of love for objects that are not befitting love, poetically speaking. I just don't know. Peace, Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-06-30 10:48:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15385
I read this poem before bed last night and it affected me right away. I tried to write about how it made me feel, but my review was scattered. I went to bed and dreamed about this poem. This is a very powerful poem. You portrayed the frustration, pain and confusion not just with the word’s meanings, but with the word’s sounds. I think my biggest trouble with reviewing this poem is that it reminds me how I felt after my ‘fall from grace’ and right before I decided to live for myself instead of a religion. It was a nasty transition. Phew. Now that I’ve gotten that out I can look at other things in this poem. You used two phrases that give me shivers, “Gray Screams” and “Brain Grave”. I have to say that I don’t think you are not crazy. Keep moving forward and things will clear. Good luck, Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2004-06-24 18:34:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
What a scary piece of writing. The grapic sounds and textures really put us in the place of this poem. I geuss I would say that journeys so dramtic really need to demand the reader follow. In the first stanza there is a sense that the speaker is following a spirit on the journey but then we lose that thread. Maybe a narrative choice to re-cycle to the spirit guide might call the reader back to the journey, sort of make it as imparative for us as it is for the speaker? Or maybe illustarting the need for the alabaster angel wings would work? My favorite stanza is really the fourth with the hair and bone. It's the one where I can clearly see the contrast between the anguish and the purity. Scary stuff. Good luck! Molly J.
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