This Poem was Submitted By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-06-17 07:32:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Old Age

How is it that the sun hides? The sky’s gray haze makes a death mask out of the earth. Winter winds wail and I long to see the sun again. I long for the scent of new growth and the earth’s warmth between my toes. This year, I think, it will be a long time ‘til spring. And in the summer the little old ladies will complain about the heat while the weatherman announces another record high. I wouldn’t care if it was hot outside. I demand the life the sun’s heat brings. I will not settle for a hidden sun, a sun that lights but does not warm. (My anger at the universe wells up in my throat  so that I cannot speak.) Oh God, expunge this demon from my life! Is it too much to ask for a little pity? Give me the strength to last out just one more winter and I promise… .

Copyright © June 2004 Edwin John Krizek


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-07-06 05:14:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Edwin, I missed reading and critiquing but I have been very busy these days. Thanks for the nice read. Jordan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-01 01:22:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13333
I’m the opposite. I love winter and dread the summer heat. It gets up around 110 here. My roses and I burn. I really like your writing style. It’s easy to identify with the outer layer, but after thinking about it, other deeper meanings are exposed. Maybe it is just me, but I feel the claustrophobia of the darkness in this poem is about more then just the weather. Sometimes our lives are full of a darkness that engulfs us. We struggle through those times of our lives, hoping to just see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. As long as we keep moving we will see the light again, and we’ll reach it. Sometimes the light isn’t where or what we expected it to be. It is always there. Sorry if I’m sounding preachy. I’m speaking as much for myself as for you. Thanks for posting this poem where I would get to read it. Hang in there. Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-18 16:24:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Edwin, I live in the Rockies and from what you have written here I would think you are not far from me. We are having a psychotic spring...80 degrees one day and 50 the next. Today it is about 45 and raining...which is so welcome as we are in a terrible drought. 'How is it that the sun hides?'...'death mask out of earth'...that it does...we have not seen the sun in several days....'winter winds wail and I long to see sun again' Great 'W' sounds in winter winds wail...these words actually give the sound of a wailing wind...I love poets that write using wonderful descriptors to enhance their work. ...'I demand the life the sun's heat brings' I have a friend that is always so depressed in the winter and I know that the human body needs rays of sun to replenish life.... ...'a hidden sun, a sun that lights but does not warm'...I too feel very cheated with a heatless sun!...'give me the strength to last out just one more winter and I promise....Since your title is 'Old Age' I am thinking those last words are a plea to live a little longer but you have left the 'promise' to the readers imagination. In a way that is a good way to end this piece as it gives it mystery and makes it more compelling...however, I am a curious to know what the promise is! Well written poem and one that I enjoyed reading several times. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-17 20:21:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Provocative, well metered poem, Edwin. Thanks for posting these nice images to stir many of the reader's senses. I, too, hope to make it through one more winter, but .................
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-17 14:36:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Ed, I don't really know what to make of this. It doesn't have much metaphor (as to the meat of a poem), or much rhythm (as to the bones or form). Sorry. Maybe next time. Mark
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