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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-06-17 11:20:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Daybreak

Cool mists rise across the fields crisp clean earth wrapped in blanketed silence Drops of dew stand like diamonds on awakening morning flowers birds twitter their first ethereal songs Canopies of blue sky fairy lace shimmer above dark forests glades strewn amid tall grass paths Slowly the crack of dawn mounts the hills like magic steps in magic time

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-03 00:51:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09524
Hi Jana, I totally get this poem and I’m jealous. I miss being able to walk outside and experience such natural beauty. I walk outside and I see a very crowded street. My neighbor sneezes, I say, “Bless you”, and he replies, “Thank you,” before we realized what we’ve done. This poem did not just flow it glided. The climax of this poem was perfect. I really enjoyed it. Can I come to your house? Thank you. I’m really glad I read this poem. Where do you live again? Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-22 09:40:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 5.00000
Daybreak is such a great title for this one Jana and the structure along with word flow allows the reader the beauty of the moment along with the writer who may have been watching such a majestic view......for all I know you could be writing of Tully Mountain which appears across from our yard with the tall trees, the lake below and the morning flowers with their dew drops.......thanks for posting and for sharing. A beautiful piece to read over and over again. Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-19 00:54:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.85714
Jana, I could ignore this, since i never, ever wrote a simple nature poem, and don't have much feel for reading them. But i don't need to like nature poems to appreciate the step quality of the last stanza, in perfect correspondence with the meaning of the lines. What should you gather from this critique? I just told you. I liked the last stanza very much, and i don't like nature poems. You want more? We all do. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-17 20:30:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Welcome back. I haven't seen your writings, nor critiqued them before, but checked your profile to see that you were here last year, too. I wasn't. I left for several years before returning. Regarding this little beauty, I like the bright imagery you portray with some nice alliteration and assonance. I think L2 in S3 has a typo with the 2 plurals, but you've probably caught that slip already. I might make it "grassy paths." Just a thought. Nice little poem. I'll read some more of yours, the older ones, too, if they're still there when I get to them. Write on. Peace. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-06-17 13:18:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Dear Jana, I really like this poem. I like the imagery "cool mist...blanketed silence. Birds...ethereal songs. blue sky fairy lace." I also feel that daybreak is a "magic time" and you have captured the sentiment exactly. Ed Krizek

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