This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-06-20 19:20:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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We Dance

the early hours of morning just after sun rise are as crystal clear as the shimmering air building toward the heat of day the world awakens but not in urgency slowly stretching like a lean cat uncurling from a favorite nook  the dawn shadowed half awake half asleep twilight still reigns dreams are tangible  in this soft realm  sighs of contentment luxuriance of snuggling nakedness wrapped together in sensuous warm sleep scented skin sparks unanticipated full-blooded arousal  of familiar galvanizing erotic glimmer  a time which is timeless transcends all thoughts as passion renders  all words useless  white light touches soul overshadowing necessity reverie and reality merge into sanguine expectancy as you spontaneously breathe rumbling fire into me igniting liquid flames of desire for how many years in a myriad  of life times have I watched you become searing beauty in my eyes to my soul you are the matchless grace and glory  of the moon and stars never shall I tire  of the joy your bewitching smile bids me life has never been and can never be  without you there is no existence apart from us no will to live without the promise  we hold in each other beyond eternity  pounding majestic oceanic power of cleansing grounding salt air is but a two dimensional thought form compared to our culminating co-joined bodies of creation riding torrent crest to crevasse again to climaxing torrid tryst dynamical mating and melting  one flesh one vision one tongue known only to us in this miraculous moment we dance exotic exigent salient steps in sweat soaked silks aware only  of passion's tone poem song of early morning heated pleasure to our souls minion just after sun rise

Copyright © June 2004 Jana Buck Hanks

Additional Notes:
This was originally submitted in 2002. It is one of my favorites and hope that I will be able to feel words like I did these, to pen again. This one makes me smile...slyly...


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-07-06 05:16:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Janna, I like this one. It makes me feel like dancing. Thanks for posting. Jordan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-29 20:52:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34211
Jana, what an erotic and pleasureable read! Astounding would be a rather mild understatement. Your metaphors and similes are pure pleasure of which to partake. Love is one of the most difficult of genres, but you have made that seem irrelevant. I did see a couple very minor things to suggest in this one: In L2, "sunrise" should be one word, I think. in sensuous warm sleep scented skin - ["sleep-scented"]? S6 is a wonder to behold; read aloud it simply excites all the cells within the reader [at least, this one]. :>) I cannot see anything else to suggest, except to WRITE ON. Peace, and best wishes. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-22 18:44:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.50000
Such a beautiful piece you have written here poet......the structure and word flow is superb.......it allows one's heart to find the beauty within the lines, to feel the passion exchanged between these two lovers who seem to have shared their life forever........to them at least......beauty in motion.......soft and tender yet hard and firm.......majestic at the same time.... sighs of contentment luxuriance of snuggling nakedness wrapped together in sensuous warm sleep scented skin sparks unanticipated full-blooded arousal of familiar galvanizing the world awakens but not in urgency slowly stretching like a lean cat uncurling from a favorite nook I have often watched my Snowball as he awakens from his nap......slowly he stretches as he turns his head towards me..........over and over again poet you make this one dance with enjoyment of the twol. Thanks for posting and sharing....be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-06-21 19:43:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Jana, first I love the subtle senuality and the languid tone of the poem. I enjoy how you appeal to all of the senses. I would remove the word are in line three and but in the second line of the second stanza just to increase the conciseness. I can't wait to see more of your work. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-06-21 14:22:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana, Great to see you posting again! I'm at work so this will be short but I wanted you to know I've read and appreciated this piece. It feels almost like two poems here - one, the immediate sensual experience; the other, the contemplation of how two souls interrelate over time. My favorite stanzas for the "first" theme are 2 and 4 - wonderful tactile imagery there! I love the stretching cat. For the other theme, I most enjoy 6, 10, 11. The language in these has so much energy, and several excellent sonic combinations. Alliteration is used very well (not crazy about "torrid tryst", as it reminds me of a bodice-ripper novel, but it does suit the tone). I can certainly imagine those "sweat soaked silks" - great use of "k" which isn't always a consonant one hears much in combination, especially with that soft and sensual "s". In the last line, do you need a possessive in "souls'"? I'm not sure of the intent in that line. A minion is either a royal favorite, or a servant. But I'm uncertain of what might constitute the minion of souls. Probably just my own misreading! You write with a rich and varied texture of images and are never afraid to layer them for greater impact. This is a lush, vivid poem. It's your hallmark style and I've missed this for way too long. Take Care, Brenda
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