This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-06-24 06:41:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Cancer of Tropics

You are an alien here, everything makes the point:   a smiling backslap with a claw, a stasis like a cinder block, a sauna of struggling ambition, a casket of defective incarnations, a gene sequence for blind, raging impatience, a pandemic of arrogant lassitude, a moustache as a lonely emblem of manhood, a road with exits where the entrances should be, an endlessly rising canon of Me, a jungle of unexploded memories, an oasis of undiscovered martyrs, a call to do good, do good, you must invariably do good, an understanding that you will be left to go to hell, a monsoonal rain of decay, an unashamed claim to another's ancestors, a massacre of surrendered innocents, a tradition of eliminating thought, a place where time goes to die, a nightmare that has annexed your children, a final awakening that it was the one place    where you never lived.

Copyright © June 2004 Mark Andrew Hislop

Additional Notes:
Guess I was having a bad day ...


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 10:34:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
The big daddy of all bad days, yes – but what a fine poem came out of it. I like the title – a play on the novel Tropic of Cancer by my favorite misogynist. You are an alien here,[powerful beginning] everything makes the point: a smiling backslap with a claw, [I think I know the person] a stasis like a cinder block, a sauna of struggling ambition, a sauna of “ambition?” It is hard for me to picture this since saunas exemplify a luscious decadent sensualism to me. But, perhaps that was an ironic point I missed?. a casket of defective incarnations, [great!} a gene sequence for blind, raging impatience, “impatience” is so small a sin for all those heavy adjectives and that is the brilliance of that line. a pandemic of arrogant lassitude, [you knew my ex?} a moustache as a lonely emblem of manhood, [wonderful] a road with exits where the entrances should be, [got lost there myself.] ther an endlessly rising canon of Me,[ ah yes] a jungle of unexploded memories, [fantastic] an oasis of undiscovered martyrs, [yes, yes] a call to do good, do good, you must invariably do good, [usually said by someone not in the habit of doing much good for the world] understanding that you will be left to go to hell, [perhaps “a monsoon of decay,”] [powerful analogy] an unashamed claim to another's ancestors, [this is a very peculiar one to me – ho aberrant is that!”} a massacre of surrendered innocents, [children hurt in the fire of a relationship?] a tradition of eliminating thought,[the disease of today’s youth] a place where time goes to die, [great] a nightmare that has annexed your children, a final awakening that it was the one place where you never lived. Reminds me of the Beatles song – she’s leaving home A bitter – dramatic and in that drama – powerfully poignant piece. Thanks


This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-01 17:17:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.05000
This reminded me of Dennis Leary. I was glad to get to the end so I could take a breath. When you rant, you rant with style. All those images and all that anger, I feel like you rode me hard and instead of putting me away you just shrugged, turned and walked away. I was left sitting here, with my eyebrows raised, wondering, what did I do? I’m glad you added the little thing at the bottom, were you said, “I guess I just had a bad day.” Remind me never to get you mad at me. All the topics were great, but I had my favorites. My favorites were, “a sauna of struggling ambition,” and “a moustache as a lonely emblem of manhood.” Thanks for placing this Poem were I was able to read it. Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-26 12:05:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hi Mark, Well bad day or not you successfully managed to put your thoughts down on paper. I have read this piece several times and have decided you could use any line and incorporate it into a poem. The messages you convey in each line is profound and compel the reader to ponder each seperately to attain the impact of the words. I do feel some ire here and even more than that I think the anger has seethed for a very long time... and not just one day....'you must invariably do good...an understanding that you will be left to go to hell'...no matter what we do we never really accomplish that intangible goal we have set for ourselves'....I may have fractured your meaning of this line but that is how it speaks to me. 'a moustache an a lonely emblem of manhood'...I especially like this line. I do believe that most men struggle with their 'manhood'...do they have enough...will they be looked upon as strong enough...will they be appreciated for the man they really are? The male ego is such a tender thing which is probably one reason my marriage lasted so long as I never tried to wound it....'a place where time goes to die'... ...is my favorite line and I wish I had thought of it....'a nightmare that annexed your children...a final awakening that it was the one place...where you never lived'..this sounds like a divorce and loss of children but it may not be so I will need help here. This is a pretty sad piece and at times I feel as if you are shouting the words! Very well done. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-25 20:12:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37931
Mark, sometimes from bad days come good creativity. I enjoyed this, connecting it with the struggles going on in the world, and to those who are participating in them. This may not have been your intention after reading yor note, but I think it could fit those circumstances quite well. You have used an abundance of alliteration and assonance which makes this piece resonate for me. It speaks through its vivid imagery and descriptors. For me, a poem need not do anything but exact a significant emotional response with these tools of the poet. This one does that very well. Thank you for accomplishing that, at least for me - on your "bad day". Don't change a thing, esp. the last line. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-25 13:09:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90000
MAH, I've been there. Too often. If you bore through the bottom, you will find yourself on top. Our lives, like the earth, are round. Christ hates the lukewarm. I'd rather be where you are then content and self-satisfied. You may be Augustine about to leave Carthage. Peace, Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2004-06-24 14:47:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mark, I like the structure and the litany of this piece. The repetition serves a really appropriate purpose here. I also like how the details help to locate the poem. Some lines are more effective than others. For instance "pandemic of arrogant lassitde" although it's wordy, really says something meaty whereas "a place where time goes to die" is verging on cliche for me. My favorite line is the "endless rising canon of me" because of the action and the entende. It's so sexual and literary which is very appropriate for this muggy poem. My advice: look back through the litany and pick only the power players. Good luck! Molly J.
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