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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-06-24 10:45:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Wall

French manicured nails scour rough edges of each precise letter, dipping again and again into the deeply engraved center, looking for life in sweet memories. Pushing cold hard black granite with fingertips still warm with life, stroking horizontally in realities disbelief. The shine of midday sun on the wall reflecting the lone sound bite of Taps. Twenty-one gun salute and folded flag replacing a bullet for each year of vibrant life, snuffed out, walking point. What is still the backbone of my anger? My angst? Tears, hereditary brown eyes, teenage broken life… Gone! Without thinking twice.

Additional Notes:
For Fredrick Lamarr Salyer 1947-1968

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-07 13:38:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.22222
Jana, Very nice. My favorite poem of yours. It is very hard, often, to back up the perception of "poem well done" with an elaborate - or even simple - analysis of the reasons. I liked some the subtle sound effects, hidden in the poem as it were, like the way "center," ttowards the end of the first stanza, is assonant with the "e" in "letter." I love the precise, specific, image of the beginning, "french manicured nails." What a context it places this death in. Might it be "reality's" in the phrase "reality's disbelief." I dunno, just suggesting. Back to the sound effects, i love poems that conclude with the finality of rhyme, or assonance. Like the assonant "twice" and "life." Well done. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-29 20:39:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34211
I see you've been to the memorial, and I see how magnificently you have recreated that visit for us to share. Wonderful [can this ever be wonderful? well - vivid, for sure!] imagery. The form in which you have set this elegy fits the matter perfectly, Jana. The enjambment and truncated lines reinforce the power in the words. I can find absolutely nothing wrong here, and you know I am one of the harshest critics on TPL by now, right? Frederick [God rest his soul] is thanking you, I'm sure. Peace in our lifetime - a prayer. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-26 14:54:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
Jana--I personally/and readily identify with this immediately: First I was born in 1947; served in Viet Nam 1968; and visited the portable Memorial Wall in 2003 that tours these United States. Your entire elegy touched me, but especially the lines; "Twenty-one gun salute and folded flag replacing a bullet for each year of vibrant life, snuffed out, walking point." Thanks for penning/posting such a poignant poem that struck so close to home for me and others that but for the grace of God... TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sydney a Walker On Date: 2004-06-25 00:29:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I assume (somebody once told me never to assume)that this is about Vietnam, and the wall, and the rubbing they do to get the name off the wall. Sad poem, but well put and very eloquent. I'm not so sure I understand the last line though. thank you so much for posting this piece. Was he a relative?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-06-24 16:29:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana! I haven't been on line much but have been wondering where you went. So glad to see your name pop up on a poem! I like the new short critiquing as I think more people will comment. You cast an eerie spell with your tribute to the Viet Nam wall and since that war profoundly affected my life, your poem brings tears. You deftly delineate this scene: tracing his initials in the granite, "looking for life in sweet memories." S 3 tells the reader of the playing of Taps and how apropos for your friend lived twenty-one years. All of your memories bring anger, angst, sorrow, the still-fresh memory of his death and burial. This suggests a very special relationship and therby more deep feelings for the death of your friend, So evocative, Jana, I give five stars and a standing ovation. Best wishes, Mell Morris

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