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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-26 15:49:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I Am Fred Chapter 111

Kneeling about my pretty pansy bed I said aloud, where is the elf named Fred? The one with a jaunty hat clad all in red he is quite perky and most stouthearted Here I be milady upon the shed, he said Full of glee I be as I am simply Fred Why are you mirthful to be Fred? I said. I am so sonsy for I found me true beloved You speak of your sprite mostly bandy-legged? Oh, nay milady, a natty nymph I am Fred, he said A natty nymph? I said, I'm quite astounded She is a comely lass, ye ken. I am Fred, he said What will become of thy sprite? I resounded Mayhap she will wed a leprechaun, he said But did you not feel gra for her? I said Aye but she calls me Bob and I am Fred, he said Can you not teach her to say Fred? I said I think not milady she is but single-minded Where ever did you leave her? I said confounded Atop a lily pad kissing a toad I am Fred, he said.

Additional Notes:
This is the 3rd poem about an elf called Fred. You can read the other two by cliking on my name. There may be some that are yelling "Enough already" but Fred is so much fun to write about and even I don't know what he will do next!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-09-14 13:41:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35714
Dear Marilyn; I have read all your fred poems, and have the following comments: I think it is a great way to exercise your mind and writing skills. I like the simplicity of the rhymes ...this is something children and other people would like to duplicate...to make additional stanza's as a game. Fred,Ted,Dead,Bed,said,red,ned,stead,read,lead,led,bread...give lots of room for story telling....perhaps you can include internal rhymeswith the lines as a regular or recurring part of the structure. My suggestion is to keep on doing this until you tire,or exhaust the terms you can rhyme... then review all to winnow down to a cogent story. Then....once you have a complete story line, you can add....or have a game to add more stanza's. Well, I don't know if this is helpful, but thanks for the opportunity to throw my comments into the mix.... I wouldn't want the reviews of fred to go underfed... Your friend, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 19:10:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
No no I love Fred and I read him to my granddaughter! do continue Kneeling about my pretty pansy bed I said aloud, where is the elf named Fred? The one with a jaunty hat clad all in red he is quite perky and most stouthearted yes, the one with the jaunty hat dressed in red! - ot all the other elves about ! Here I be [mi'lady] upon the shed, he said Full of glee I be as I am simply Fred Why are you mirthful to be Fred? I said. I am so sonsy[? is this a word?} for I found me true beloved You speak of your sprite mostly bandy-legged? Oh, nay milady, a natty nymph I am Fred, he said A natty nymph? I said, I'm quite astounded She is a comely lass, ye ken. I am Fred, he said a natty nypmph! Love the wor dplay in this piece! What will become of thy sprite? I resounded Mayhap she will wed a leprechaun, he said But did you not feel gra for her? I said Aye but she calls me Bob and I am Fred, he said I wonder in what circumstances she says it! Can you not teach her to say Fred? I said I think not milady she is but single-minded Where ever did you leave her? I said confounded Atop a lily pad kissing a toad I am Fred, he said. ah, well a toad ! Of course !Love this Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-03 11:49:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04545
I went back and found the other two parts of Fred’s story. This is an adorable story. It’s too bad that the subject is so adult, because I think Fred could star in a children’s book. I can completely see him and the house. You’ve developed a wonderful character here, and I hope you continue to see where he will take you. The only suggestion I would make, would be to adhere a little more to standard grammar. I don’t think a few more commas or periods would hurt the flow. I look forward to reading what Fred does next. Thank you for sharing these poems. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-28 22:21:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
I saw Fred in Tully just the other day....he stopped by to check out my yard sale and I would have recognized him anywhere......how handsome he looked in his red hat, he told me he was Fred........then quick as a wink he was gone......did not buy a thing just being Fred....... Love this one as I did the rest...bravo for you and please keep them coming....people won't get tired of Fred he puts a smile on one's face and lifts the spirit within........great medicine and fun to imagine for the images just keep jumping out over and over again......love the fact he left her sitting on the lilly pad kissing a toad........wonder where he will go or do next. Thanks for letting me know about this one.......great structure, rhyme works well for me.........I see this as a book someday when all chapters of Fred are there or perhaps two or three books.......pictures to go with them of course.......Fred is not someone to be put aside and left alone.....my Lord, he is going to start a family and then the circle of Fred's life continues on.............Thanks for posting, be safe my friend, God Bless, Claire Seeing doctor again in the morning.....been in hospital and still have pneumonia.......did I mention my body is killing my red bloos cells? Will need weekly transfussions soon......I thank God for each day and do stop by the link when I can.......hugs to you...Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-06-27 22:45:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
This is enjoyable, and so much fun. Everyone would dall in love with the repeating cadence of this 3rd poem. Oh if only I had an elf called Fred, it's such a wonferfully written thymatic poem Marilyn, it just blows my senses away, and qwhat a wonderful scence the oansies, and the conversation, and Fred's logic. I can hear an Irish Elf here, and he's so loveable. What a great three poems each time I read one of the series, I become almost romantic with his charm, and the quiet questioning of the speaker, accept his answer with no puns rweturned. It's masterful that your poems run such a gamet of interest. What a cute, relaxing, and wonderfully written story in poems you tell, and each time Fred becones a living Elf, because we're getting to know him. I can hear that voice, and you're projecting his personality so well. Congratulations what a mystical character, and sory is unfolding. Becaue of the skill you demonstrate what you write poetry, and weave such interest. Again congratulations and good luck, nothing I can say other then adorable....Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-27 18:55:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Certainly some nice interesting conversations here. Quite the fantasy producer are ye, milady? Loved it, Marilyn. I will NOT suggest more punctuation. :>) I love the colloquialism in the speech. It evokes a much better mood for this type of "ride" with "Fred". Tell me more about this elfen friend, Fred, any time you feel inclined. I wonder if this has any connection regarding your dreams of late? :>) Just kiddin'. Best wishes. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-06-27 16:37:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65000
Marilyn--It's good to read more about the impish but adorable wee man and his trails and tribulations. I almost feel sorry for what this fickle hearted "lass" has put Fred through, but he appears to be handling his "soap opera" romance quite well so far-smile. Excellent internal/end rimes (bed, Fred, red/shed, said/ glee, be/astounded, resounded, confounded) combine with see/saw banter to continue the tone established in the previous two entertaining "companion" pieces. Right here before our very own eyes, there is a highly potential children series being strung together/born and just waiting for a smart publisher somewhere out there to recognize the creativeness of these strophes. We at TPL will hopefully say one day soon: "We Knew her when..." Thanks for allowing us to share Fred's off-the-cuff misadventures. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-27 00:18:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: I have to admit two things: One, I am completely charmed by this poem! Two, I am struggling with wanting to punctuate it, because the pedantic side of my nature fidgets with it. But I am not well-informed about the placement of punctuation marks, which I feel this poem may need. I wouldn't have been able to punctuate it, because the placement of quotation marks isn't my forté. So -- you'd laugh if you saw what I did earlier, because I really wanted to critique this piece (which I am going to do) so I copied and pasted, then typed it into my word-processing program. I piddled and puddled and tried to decide where the commas and quote marks went -- truly wishing I could set all that aside, and enjoy the poem for its fun and quaint "Fred-ian" comments. Kneeling about my pretty pansy bed I said aloud, "Where is the elf named 'Fred'? The one with a jaunty hat(,) clad all in red; he is quite perky and most stout-hearted(.)" "Here I be, milady, upon the shed" he said, "full of glee I be, as I am simply Fred." "Why are you mirthful to be Fred?" I said. "I am so sonsy for I found me true beloved." --love the word 'sonsy' - never heard it before "You speak of your sprite mostly bandy-legged?" "Oh, nay milady, a natty nymph; I am Fred", he said. "A natty nymph?" I said, "I'm quite astounded!" "She is a comely lass, ye ken. I am Fred", he said. "What will become of thy sprite?" I resounded. "Mayhap she will wed a leprechaun", he said. "But did you not feel gra for her?" I said. --another new word for me -- "gra" "Aye but she calls me Bob and I am Fred", he said. --I am laughing aloud, still! "Can you not teach her to say 'Fred'?" I said. "I think not milady; she is but single-minded." "Where ever did you leave her?" I said confounded. "Atop a lily pad kissing a toad. I am Fred", he said. Marilyn -- I dunno, but I think my phonograph needle got stuck. I love Fred and wish his 'natty nymph' had shown better taste. Kissing a toad! He deserves better. I hope someone who is better at this than I (at the punctuation) will respond, because this poem deserves to be published as part of a book for children. I can see the illustrations of Fred and his 'natty nymph' now, especially as she is kissing a toad, and he is apparently nonplussed about it all. What a lovable fellow. May he turn up in your pansy bed many more times! At times like this, I realize that I have far to go as a critiquer. I can't be 'short and pithy' so ought to stop trying, and I need to take a refresher course in punctuation! <smile> Many thanks for this entertaining, light-hearted romp with an elf who knows he is worthy of much better treatment. Forgive me for perseverating on wanting to help with punctuation. I love the poem as if it were one of my own 'word children' and want to see it on the Winner's List! All my best, Joanne

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