This Poem was Submitted By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2004-07-06 12:32:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Impurities are the Weight of Water

  When the wetted line between my fingers yipped, then jumped, then sang, I sunk the hook in accidental  certainty it wasn’t a glossy  rock or sodden stick I’d bumped but, a salmon-red coho. And,  for the first time, I  popped my head back then lit the river with “fish-on” so lines around me could snick  home to their reels misting droplets of mud green water: so fine they lost their texture, so fine they lost their green memory, so fine they spun reel rainbows, so fine they remembered purity.

Copyright © July 2004 Molly Johnson

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-01 23:12:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.93750
RE: "Impurities are the Weight of Water" Here is a writer who obviously knows the workings of the pure sport of fishing - trolling in this instance. The exacting details making up the poem go a long way to make the poem; the rhythme and strucure look after the rest. This is excellent work! Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-27 19:43:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Interesting use of the words "yipped" and "snick".I did have to look up the latter, and I do like a poet that makes me scramble for the dictionary. A nice account of salmon fishing which there is a lot of going on out here in Juan de Fuca Strait. Big tourney this w/e. I think the grand prize is $5ooo. Big salmon around here are 30- 60 lbs. Love the last line immensly. The title certainly drew me in. Well constructed poem and the repetition in the last 4 lines works well. Thanks for submitting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-15 16:57:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Molly: This is the poem I've been waiting for! :) Soon as you returned to TPL, my hopes started simmering for one of your 'fishing' poems. Though I don't fish, I've been on many a fishing trip and these memories are some of the sweetest. I don't think that a reader would have to have experienced fishing or fishing trips to feel the exaltation in this poem, however. It is 'about' the joy of truly living in the moment, of being fully alive in one's senses as much as it is 'about' fishing. I think you show us how, in this poem, to realize the importance of merging our senses with the world like a child or an animal, to find clarity and playful discovery. When there is a focus of activity like fishing, somehow we are re-connected to our original, joyful selves. But there's also the exaltation of language within the poem to delight. I can't decide where I want to go - into my memories of fishing trips, on a new adventure of my own, or languidly, back to re-reading the poem. All possibilities seem wondrous at this moment, fresh from the reading. Dazzling verbs, like "yipped/jumped/sang/sunk" for example, add so much freshness and appeal. But where I felt myself lose touch with the dull and awaken to the possible was from the "I" on down to the last word: I popped my head back then lit the river with “fish-on” so lines around me could snick home to their reels misting droplets of mud green water: so fine they lost their texture, so fine they lost their green memory, so fine they spun reel rainbows, so fine they remembered purity. The "lines" which could "snick home" may be a metaphor to the spirit within us which longs to return home, to lose our "texture" or definitions of self imposed by our duties and roles, losing our "green memory" might symbolise losing our collections of memories, of personal histories which we use to define ourselves, and become at one with the moment, with the divine spark within, with "reel rainbows"-- but especially the last two words -- "remembered purity" evoke for me a sense of what we are like as children, innocent, pure and fully present to the moment. It doesn't get any better than this. Thank you, Molly, for this incredible work. Congratulations in advance, for I'm certain you have a winning poem. Brava! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-13 11:03:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
As much as I cannot get behind the idea of fishing or hunting for pleasure - this poem his such depth of meaning and such original exciiting construction that I am put in mind of the great sea novels and humanity vs the sea creature metaphors of fishing and i can only stand back in stark admiration. When the wetted line between my fingers yipped, yipped! What a novel and perfect word! then jumped, then sang, I sunk the hook in accidental  certainty it wasn’t a glossy  sang/sunk/certainly/sodden what soft assonic allieration rock or sodden stick I’d bumped but, a salmon-red coho. And,  for the first time, I  popped my head back then lit [great!}the river with “fish-on” so lines around me could snick[thre is a Lewis Carroll genius llooming in your neo-verbs ] home to their reels misting droplets of mud green water: so fine they lost their texture, so fine they lost their green memory, [wonderful] so fine they spun reel rainbows [clever pun that adds an extra litl to the poem], so fine they remembered purity. so fine a poem it is at the top of my list for the new month and i am printting it out to share at my poerty group. Thanks, Molly
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-11 19:24:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Beautifully succinct, Molly. Excellent action and imagery. The rhythm is excellent, with the breaks and punctuation perfectly placed. I loved the closing repetitive lines to define this poem so well. I enjoyed the fishing, and was surprised by that ending, notwithstanding the title. Nice ly told with no need for improvement IMHO. Thanks for sharing this one. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-07-08 10:21:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Molly, What a fine and excellent poem this is! I love the topic of fishing and all the images you used to evoke the feelings surrounding this activity with the reader. You have a wonderful way of crafting your lines and using unique words to showcase your poetic talent and craft. I love words like, "wetted, yipped, sodden, snick," among others. I love how you use "reel rainbows" to allude to "real rainbows." Nice touches all of them. I do have one suggestion, which you are welcome to take or leave. I like your title, but I think it is a bit long and with "impurities," it takes something away from the ending of "remembered purity." I think it is still conveyed without and I love the title, "The Weight of Water." Just a thought. Thank you very much for posting and sharing this one with us! Warm regards, Don
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