This Poem was Submitted By: Molly Johnson On Date: 2004-07-14 17:22:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Photo of an Unknown Relative

The dress, loose around her ribs and chest, is enough   to hide well shaped legs.  But her feet are the mace  on a nutmeg, cleaving to a round stone near the shore. With her arms spread wide, cupped hands hold the world  in a ballet of open space. As if to say: you too can stand here like a water mirror and see our future, you too can be beautiful by seeming still. She is undeniable. The smile is the one I will give  when I arch my hands to  hold the world.

Copyright © July 2004 Molly Johnson

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-01 20:38:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.76471
And the world shall be yours one day. Psalm by Arnie! Good one though. I have seen many a picture such as you have word painted. Seems my mother had such a one. "But her feet ..." . I liked that very eloquent phrasing. Very original. And did you ever find out who she is or was? Thanks.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jacob W Roberts On Date: 2004-07-17 18:42:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Incredible rhythm, tone, and voice. Smart poem. The form matches the content, insofar as it is loose, strong, solid, fluid. That being said, you might want to consider how the strength (mace, relative, stone, etc.) and flimsiness (of the water, dress, nutmeg, etc.) are reflected in your line breaks. I generally discourage ending lines with prepositions or conjunction. They both seem weaken lines. I know it's kind of petty and nit-picky, but I suggest re-checking your enjambment in a few other places, just to ensure the poem says what you want it to say in as strongly a way as poems can. (For instance, why end line 12 with "stand" instead of "here"?) Another question, why one stanza? Just a suggestion, and maybe you've done as much, try breaking it into a few. I think there are some places where it could work to emphasize the distance between the relative and the narrator, how she is represented in the photo, and the distance between the relative and the reader, how she is represented in the poem. Each new stanza pointing to that distance. "Mace" and "cleave," very clever. If the idea is to show consonance and dissonance between generations, or, if that is not the idea, your poem works in that way. If I had to sum up the poem's mood in one phrase, "intelligently comfy." Great. Just a great poem you have here, Molly.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-17 13:28:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Molly: This poem is written in straightforward language and it reveals complex implications, set against the backdrop of everyday life. For example, the opening line simply says, "The dress," In this poem, you remind us that the events of day to day life are as terrible and beautiful as any extraordinary or fantastic event. In "With her arms spread wide" we see that just as the plain and familiar world can amaze and astonish us, so too can plain and familiar words. Your work here reminds us that the ordinary is extraordinary, that the real miracle is being human, and no amount of word play or flourish will make the beauty any more beautiful. You open a world infinitely possible to the reader: As if to say: you too can stand here like a water mirror and see our future, you too can be beautiful by seeming still. She is undeniable. The smile is the one I will give when I arch my hands to hold the world. Extraordinary accomplishment. You "hold the world" as you give us this. Brava! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-07-14 21:40:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Molly, I am really taken with this piece....it is terse but says so much about life and strength to live a life. You pen great imagery of this unknown woman facing the sea, holding out her arms to embrace it...and the woes it may hold. She will not be beaten but rather she will stand like a beacon holding the world before her...determined and un-afraid. I have read this piece several times and each time I love this brave soul even more. Your last line implies that you will do the same in your life as this long lost relative did in hers. I love to look at old pictures and try to imagine what the lives of those people before me must have been like. I could almost feel the salt of the sea on my skin as I read your words....good job in every way. Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-07-14 19:37:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Re: "Photo of an Unknown Relative" You have captured an enigmatic frame in nearly everyone's life, writer. [I know that it has happened to me.] Someone, a relative otherwise unknown to us reaches out and effects our attention in a manner that is unique to each individual. Writer, this has to be definitive poetry. Thank you for posting. Len McIntosh
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!