Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-07-27 05:29:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

japanese verse 55 (Moon)

Queen of the great sun Reigns over shining servants Night is her kingdom

Additional Notes:
To Joanne – who is fascinated on anything astronomical To Jordan – for your generosity

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-05 17:24:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28125
And to arnie who is also fascinated. Did you hear the one about the two mentally challenged persons (I hope I'm not offending). One said ...I'm going to run away and get the heck of this place. The other said, what are you going to do and how? I'm going to build a pair of wings and fly to the sun. Are you crazy the other said? You'll burn up. No I won't he said...I'll fly at night! Anyway, oh great Master of the Japanese Verse. That's a good one, and well said. One day I'll try my hand at that form. Cheers, and thanks for posting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-08-01 10:08:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Queen of the great sun Reigns over shining servants Night is her kingdom The opening line reminds me of the Blessed Virgin Mary who is our Heavenly Mother and Queen ..... Reigns over shining servants ...... the angels in God's Heavenly Garden are the shining servants I see, feel and observe as Night is her kingdom and the entire world shines with her glory. Well, I am sure this is not what you were thinking when you first began but this is my view on the lovely posting which you have shared with us......thanks for taking the time to care.......as always, be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-30 21:58:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89655
Erzahl, Her majesty really shines in this one. Nice "picture" of her highness ruling the night kingdom with the stars as her servants. Inventive writing, concise format. I can't see anything to change here. Could it be that this is Sol's wife?? [grin] Best regards. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2004-07-28 04:24:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
I love haiku, although I’ve only been attempting to write them for a couple of years. It always amazes me how much I can get out of three short lines if I break them down and look at each one separately as well as together. Queen of the great sun – this shows not only that the moon is wed to the sun (needing him for her to reflect her true beauty) but that the sun is superior in his ability to shine alone. Reigns over shining servants – However in her own right she is still the queen and all the stars are less important to her. (At least this is true from our perspective.) Night is her kingdom – However when night comes she is in her glory and the sun who is not seen is forgotten, because she is so striking that he for all his greatness cannot reign in her world. I too, love the moon. I’m not sure that the meanings I got out of your work are the ones you intended, but I wanted to share them. The only thing I wondered about was your use of capital letter at the beginning of each line; I’ve always understood that in Japanese verse this is not done. Other then that I saw nothing that disturbed me. I enjoyed reading and commenting. Patti

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-07-27 15:46:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Erzahl, This is an interesting viewpoint, once read a certain picture formed in my mind, and I find it most interesting, of course durning daylight the sun is brilliant and powerful, the other planets lay quieting awaiting the dardness as the moon does. She never forgotten though, and when one considers she makes the tides react, the sun yes warm, the other plants only really sparkle at night when the moon is out, she dominates the our universe, and is brilliant in her reigns over the earth. Each line feds into your descriptive of a subte quiet planet, but your right she is the queen, she determines her subjects including us in her her powerful reign over all that is. Net, like it, your imagination and ability to take the common accepted without a thought (except loves and astrometers,) but she is always there making judments on his this particular sphere called earth goes around, it's interesting when the earth consists of 70% water that she reigns over the pwer. Once again charming, and I always enjoy hearing you descriptives concerning the ordinary take for granted, and turn the thought to creating an insight of thout. Hmmmm, the monn everything you describe, the power of our ocens is determined by her, so this poem is right now. Best, my regards....Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-27 13:05:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl: Your poem is SO lovely! I am quite (happily) astonished at the dedication of this exquisite haiku to Jordan and me. You know, there is something at work -- don't know what to call it - serendipity or synchronicity? -- as I've just posted on the Forum about publication of one of my astronomical poems. And then, to find this poem -- your kindness quite overwhelms me! Queen of the great sun Reigns over shining servants Night is her kingdom I LOVE it Erzahl -- for so many reasons! The Moon is like the Queen of the night here, with the lordly Sun as her King. We see the Sun in the daytime, as he gives us light, warmth and life. But we cannot see the stars and planets (shining servants) because of the intense light of 'our' Sol. In the night sky, the Moon is truly the one who seems to hover near us, watching over our sleep, guarding the children of Earth, poetically-speaking, of course. :) She seems by her proximity to exert more force (and indeed she does, as her tides attest) than the distant lights. I especially love the third line: "Night is her kingdom." The contrast of light and dark, glaring brightness and glowing luminosity, near and far -- all of these sublime images communicate in your final four words. A parallel exists, I think, with the Lord (Sun) and Our Lady (Moon) which suggests itself in this poem, in subtle nuance. In all, this is one of your finest. It's my current favorite. It's royally deserving of a high spot on the Winner's List! Hugs, (and appreciation for your graciousness) Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-07-27 11:55:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Erzahl--And, just when I thought we novice were drawing a wee bit closer--you shift into warp speed! It's unbeleiveable how each and every time out the gate you put these incredible pieces together. This is a perfect matched couple with a most notable division of "labor." Who is better suited to watch "...over..." these allits for 'stars' than the "Moon." Vivid imagery created by this tribute, which is another remarkable Japanese Verse. Thanks for sharing. TLW

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!