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This Poem was Submitted By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2004-08-02 23:38:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Here in the Dark

Here in the Dark I’m enveloped by fear Of hollow tomorrows Echoing along bare walls Devoid of dreams. Here in the dark Your heart forgets a beat Silence overwhelms me as I grasp your wrist besieged by vacant nightmares Here in the dark Shadowy demons haunt troubled halls once pulsing with cosmic vigor Spectral desires desert the temple As foreign armies attack Anguish courses through my veins I can’t control my turmoil Here in the dark I strain to see past oblivion Whilst you wander through halcyon dreams Your heart skips a beat And I hold my breath Here in the dark

Additional Notes:
This poem was haunting me one night. My husband has been having some medical problems inclucing a staph infection that got to the bone in his spine; recently his blood pressure was also really high, I also noticed that his heart seemed to be skipping (and sometimes adding) a beat. The night I wrote this and for awhile after that (and even now) I’d find myself holding his wrist and holding my breath and praying… in the dark. Thank God we have managed to get his blood pressure down quite a bit.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-09-07 20:49:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It is certainly good that he is doing better. Fine poem - a couple of minor suggestions: Your heart forgets a beat # [space a line here for a dramatic pause?] Silence overwhelms me as I grasp your wrist besieged by vacant nightmares Here in the dark Shadowy demons haunt troubled halls once pulsing with cosmic vigor Spectral desires desert the temple As foreign armies attack Anguish courses through my veins I can’t control my turmoil Here in the dark I strain to see past oblivion [While] you wander through halcyon dreams Your heart skips a beat [add a line space?] And I hold my breath Here in the dark

This Poem was Critiqued By: stu t fisher On Date: 2004-09-07 16:36:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Once I read the addititonal comments, I was moved. Nice, honest, moving. Stu

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 19:26:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Patricia, I can relate to this...and it is such an apt decription of how we react when the ones we love are stricken..and yes things are most often magnified at night. Our fears seem greater, perhaps even our fear of sleep...we don't want that rest to become permanent. I have held a loved ones arm in the middle of the night, watching them breath, and praying that they should awake and be with me in the dawn. Beautiful, emotional and descriptive. I hope things are better for you now......

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-27 20:14:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88000
Patricia, thanks for sharing such a personal experience with us in this beautifully professional piece of work. I read it some time ago, and decided to wait and come back to it later for my critique. It was much more emphatic, and "sunk in" with such ease upon my return. Maybe the first time, I was a little tired to delve into it properly. I am glad for my decision because it is an excellent piece of work. It needs nothing - absolutely nothing, and I certainly hope it receives proper recognition. Best wishes. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-26 08:16:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04348
Hauting, especially the line: Shadowy demons haunt troubled halls once pulsing with cosmic vigor makes one feel the the late night fears and how gripping they can be, thanks for letting me read it

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-21 15:54:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi Pat, I could not believe this poem as even before I read your additional comments I knew what you were speaking of. My husband was ill for a long time ad every day when I came home from work and walked down the hall to the family room I held my breath. Durning the night I would wake and put my hand over his heart to make sure it was beating. He had sleep apnea and would hold his breath for what seemed like hours before he would let the air out and take another breath...the minute this happened I would wake with a start. Just like a new mother I heard every sound..or lack of one...even in my sleep. He passed away some years ago but sometimes in my dreams I re-visit those nightmare days and nights and they are just as clear as if they happened yesterday. 'hollow tomorrows echoing bare walls' ..this phrase really tugged at my heart..'vacant nightmares'..yes they are..'shadowy deamons haunt troubled halls'... I was never sure which I feard the most...the demon of death...or the demon that made him suffer....anguish courses through my viens..another soulful statement and I understand it completely...I can't control my turmoil..neither could I. 'Your heart skips a beat and so does my breath.' I do so hope your husband is on the road to recovery..staph is such a horrible infection and also that his blood pressure is returning to normal. You have written such a doleful and emotional poem and one that will remain in my memory for a long time. Thanks for writing your feelings and sharing them with us..for me writing has a cathartic effect and I hope it does for you, as well. God Bless...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-08-09 10:47:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Good Morning Poet.....first of all please know I am adding your husband to my prayer list for my mother in law went through something very similar and it was as described above very frightening.......the presentation of your poem is in good form/structure.....the image of the darkness of night and darkness which seems to surround the person you love is strong thus you are doing a superb job of bringing forth the uncertainty of life as you and he had known it with this poison within. One can see you taking hold of his wrist and counting the beats of his heart, those that skip and those that add to it, and perhaps you just lay there too and watch him breath one he falls asleep trying to regain his strength for that is what it will take to fight this bone infection, his strength, your strength and the Will of God which I must say is always around the both of you. I used to be afraid of the dark poet but now I welcome its end of the day relief from the problems of life that surround us and the pain of certain sicknesses. Thanks for posting, your word flow allows this reader to feel your fears, his pain, and your uncertainty of the future perhaps but please know it will be better and you will live to enjoy life together as you once knew it....be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2004-08-08 18:04:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Patricia, This is a powerful force made evident by your powerful poetics. There is such a vacant feel to the silences and the poem speaks almost exclusively in tactile imagery. There is a, "your eyes will not serve you here", sort of blindness, "Here in the dark." This darkness even projects itself like a negative light beam into an uncertain and inherently dark future. What is perhaps most amazing to me throughout this read is the undercurrent of hope. The inner light you carry and thrust forward as you "strain to see past oblivion", (wonderful line). Hold on to that light Patricia. Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-04 22:13:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Yes Patricia, I sensed a fear of the unknown, the dark always seems to haunt doesn't it. Your sense of timing, along with the moving descriptives more then relate dealing with the fear of unknown circumstances, but taking his pulse, well that's something all of us have done as we deal with medical uncertaines, heck it's hard, you feel absolutely alone, why because no one else will deal on a plane only the soulmate will know and deal with, so for me the poem was highly emotional, and brings one back to retrospection, having had to deal with the unknow. According to your notes a certain stability has returned, thank God for that, but there still is an aura contained in the poem that deals with these dark issues, missing a bed, a heart racing too much, an infection that can kill. Yes you stood through the dark tunnel, it shows in the movement and the descriptives, and as one reads they automatically have to continue going down these dark passageways (hospitals in particular are all of that). Yes the fear of the unknown, speculation to possibilities, that probably still exists, emotion, and sensation. A complete poem, it stands as is for I'm left with the feeling that you captured the moment. So glad its settled to a livable degree, and I shan't forget this poem, no never, it's too close to my experience, so impossible to forget. My best regards to you both, continued good fortune, and God Bless.....Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-03 19:08:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Patricia Gibson-Williams: Upon reading this I could/can sense how concern the speaker becomes during the non-waking hours while watching over her sickly sleeping other-half. A straight forward start in stanza #1 of a sequential run through of thoughts about an empty life if this loved one should die from his ailments. In stanza #2 Apt descriptors explain what happens and how panicky you become until a check of his pulse makes you realize he's alright (you making your sick has been un- warranted-up to this point). Stanza #3 and #4 goes into more details of what acerbated the situation (high blood pressure) and the added problem (blood infection-almost insult to injury);enjambement of the last line (stanza #4) continued into stanza #5 again focuses on what effect these palpitations are having on you while for the most part/outwardly this man is sleeping like a baby--until just when you are about to nod off or your nerves start to calm down "...Your heart skips a beat and I hold my breath..." Excellent metaphors used to explain what took place in this once healthy body. However, I was a little distracted by the five additional repeats of the title. In my humble opinion three of these could be done away with (1st, 2nd, and 4rd) and the piece still maintains a great emphasis on the theme/title (just a suggestion). Thanks for an interesting read. TLW

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