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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-08-24 00:53:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 58 (Rooster)

Wings can’t reach the clouds Just the roof where it can crow The beauty of dawn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-09-04 13:47:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Erzahl: I see you are still the master of Haiku-ing. One might think there is nothing poetic about those chunky little bodies set on bird legs, but guess they can inspire a poem. I wrote about a wayward old hen myself. I am not able to collect a single thought (like this perfect one) and write about it in only three lines. You are just great at it and I hope you are planning to publish soon, I have seen so many wonderfully themed Haiku that you have submitted. You have more than enough. You have added such a positive influence to this site. Your spirit shines, always, in your words and actions. I wish things would pick up for TPL, I'm hoping to get back to it also. I have been writing, just not all poetry. Good luck to you, as always. Best, Wanda

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 19:53:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
The rooster...the voice of a new day. Who needs to reach the clouds when that tell tale sound says to all "it's time...get your butt out of bed?" I like these short verses....simple subject, yet you find the subtle beauty beneath. Nice job....more...more....please

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-08-31 08:39:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
My dear friend......one who has two roosters in her backyard...me of course......knows my roosters crow twenty four seven and someday I am so afraid the neighbors will do or say something to ruin the beauty of their song.....love the way you have indicated they will never reach the clouds but will sit on the roof top of the coup......my roosters have never left the safety of their home though Ms. Henrietta has escapped a few times but always eager to get back in where her two mates wait.....they are so protective of eeach other these birds.....as always your form is superb, your images the best and this one is really good bringing a chuckle to my heart. I was sorry to read you were ill my friend.....I have not been to the link for some time now so I am not up on things....I shall keep you in my prayers that you remain well knowing the Lord loves His children and will keep you safe from harm. God Bless, be safe, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-25 19:25:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
That damn rooster has been keeping me up, flapping his wings, reaching for the beauty of the dawn, ha ha. Adorable. I don't know how you manage to come up with such a varity of themes, but you do. This one everything ties together, and you draw such an accurate picture. There's a rooster here that nests in a tree, that limb open to the clarity of the morning dan. Neat E. once again you've done it, nothing short or missing in the great cadence of the first two lines. Keep going and I'll keep reading. Best always, Jo Mo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-08-24 14:33:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl: How you do reach to the heavens with this short, intense poetic form! It seems to me a distillation of a lifetime's experience of roosters. The immediate imagery of the first line is "wings" rather than the sometimes sleep-piercing crow of this bird. You let us see that his intent is to point our thoughts upward, towards the clouds, which he would reach if he could in his exuberance. "A new day!" In the second line, the word "it" made me ponder, because it seems related to "wings" and to "rooster" of the title. In the former case, the pronoun probably should be plural; in the latter, singular, masculine form, "he." I don't like quibble about points like this because the poem itself is sublime. Nothing surpasses "the beauty of dawn" and this rooster on the roof declaring the glory of it, reaching his wings to the clouds if he could. The form is so condensed that a tiny grammatical question can distract the reader from the exquisite images given. As always your haiku inspire me to see things with greater appreciation for what has been given by the Giver of all good and perfect gifts. This is one more wonderful testimony! I hope you won't mind my 'nit-picking' too much, because I do love this poem. It brings back happy memories of my childhood on a farm, where the red roosters would crow from the barn, waking all to a new day and the exciting possibilities therein. One rooster was named (by me) "Oscar" because he reminded me of an uncle by that name. His favorite hen seemed to be "Mrs. Baker" though I don't know if I thought of him as a "Mr. Baker" or merely the husband of all of the hens. <smile> Write on!! Delightful, as always. My best to you, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-24 08:56:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wings can’t reach the clouds Just the roof where it can crow The beauty of dawn Intersting concept of a sort of "roof" of the skies. The subject/object is a little off as it is - one would guess - the bearer of the wings- not the wing themselvs - which can "crow" the beauty of dawn. Excellent image Erzhal - jut needs a lttle clarification.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-24 08:23:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.84615
I like this one better than the photograph one , Im haven't yet visited that haiku site you spoke of in your reply to that one but if I want to really get a handle on these I guess I better so I can give a more helpful critique

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-24 03:21:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
Erzahl--I can't ever remember you posting as many Japanese Verses in such a short period of time, but your influence is definitely the reason for the influx of Haiku on TPL. However, the moment some neophytes show improvement in their skills with the form, you take your artistry to a new level (maintaining your superiority). "Rooster" is a clear indication of the chasm between your haiku and that which the rest of us post. This nature themed piece and its reference is as well known as any inherent habit that exist in the modern world, although depicted in a metaphoric way by your offer- ing. Thanks for this uplifting image. TLW

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