This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-09-09 21:41:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Canvas of Life Liquid colors of dreams
blend and transform scenery
as if languidly d
r
i
p
p
e
d
onto
our canvas of life
I want to paint
the trees
purple
happily splashing sky-clad
in red and blue pigment pockets
and running violet rivulets
our dreamscape slip-slides
over a silverish pink lump
into
transparent
wet
water-color
white
hot mineral springs gurgle sunshine
spouting ocean tide water spirals
rippling at pool center
calming sprays of mist
blow
sparkling
pleasure
to the senses
beyond this bathtub of nature
lies the cabin in the clouds
formed by collective imagination
luminous five pointed stars
cover
the night
ceiling
of one
s p a r s e room
hewn stone fireplace
of raw precious metals
peek roughly through the rock
here and there
clearly majestic
showcase
for rustic
lashed split birch bed
primitively woven together
with long
red willow
wands
embracing a nest of goose feathers
captured in doe skin mattress
cover of hand-worked pastel cotton flour sack
patchwork stuffed with pine needles
rose petals
patchouli
lavender
converges my lamia fantasy
with the essence of the earth
in our shared child-like sleep
my smaller hand slips free
nestling without thought
inside
your
supple
palm
our accustomed routine
safe contentment
perfected for decades
cradled softly in your hand
my fingers wrap securely
around your thumb
together we can paint the trees purple
|
|
Copyright © September 2004 Jana Buck Hanks
Additional Notes:
This is the second part of "Customized Love"...I have made two poems out of one because the work was too long.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-06 09:19:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81481
This is a beautiful poem Jana, and I love all of the poetic wonders that you have tucked deep within each line and stanza. The "dripping" effect comes to life, adn throughout the poem the alliterative sounds are so attractive and make the reading very enticing and sensual.
How does one capture the art of nature so beautifully? You did an excellent job. You used the right words and created the most excellent phrases which come together to make this a natural wonder of a poem, and the love it encompasses and illustrates is a beautiful one.
You give this poem a different style with your indented, spersed and drop down words and lines. That's what I love about poetry. You can do anything and make something very unique.
Overall, you personify a painting to life, and on the flipside you see life as a painting on a canvas with additions here and there and so much color. The entire backdrop for this poem was colorful for me, and it's very appealing to see life in different forms and in color.
It's vibrant, alive and very sensual, this poem.
I can't choose a favorite line, for after reading the poem several times, I find that I just love the way it all fits together. You say that you have combined two poems into one. I would never know where one ends and the other begins. This is a most desirable piece, and I hope that you are proud of it. You should be.
Excellent poem.
Latorial
www.latorial.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-09-25 13:33:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana,
THis is a delightful piece. Your use of assonance, and superb alliteration makes this a walk on a special day through beauty.
I am not partial to formations in verse, but yours was like "dripping" into the childlike imagination of an adult seeing beauty, again and again.
Each metaphor and analogy was well placed, I am still "gurgling sunshine" from my "cabin in the clouds".
I would not presume to offer structural or "shame on me" should I touch your delicious choice of words. I will say this, if you can't find someone to paint the trees purple with, sounds like a lot of fun to me.
EXCELLENT, voting list piece. (By the way, for me to put a non-standard spaced piece on my "list" means it really was a splendid, matched piece!!). This Lamia can counter the sweet with passion, and make it stick.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-09-23 14:44:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana:
You are one who knows how to present a poem in a format that enhances it
to bring great delight and sensual experiences to life for the reader. I
don't know anyone who does this with greater skill. I absolutely love
this poem!! There is love and spirituality in it, color and life. In
fact, you synthesize everything so that each 'part' enhances the other.
There is a sense of building ecstasy in this work which telegraphs
the writer's intense perceptions and love of her beloved so that the
reader cannot help but be moved. It is 'fantastic' and highly artistic
and best of all, an original "Jana Buck Hanks." For as the song goes,
"Nobody Does It Better." Your original voice sings splendiferously
from this lyrical work. I think it's a grand idea to separate the
poems -- and I am here to tell you, "IT WORKS!"
"together we can paint the trees purple" -- sublime
Brava, my friend! You have done it again!
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-09-22 12:07:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow, Jana, this separation really sets off the poem, placing it into its own beautiful frame. I love it! Of course, you already know what I thought of the original, and the textured language is as rich and splendid as ever.
It's not common to find poems that appeal to so many senses, especially smell. But the passage describing the bed is a potpourri of Nature's finest scents, and the allusion to "willow wand", while not meant mystically, still suggests the spiritual dimensions of Earth and Her wisdom. Purple is a color of profound spirituality, also. It is the hue of the enlightened soul. The speaker's journey into a shared dream can also be read as a quest for insight, and communion with the higher self. The person with whom she is sleeping is clearly a physical companion, yet on another level, he can also be a Guide embodied in flesh, who is willing to assist her search.
The visual structure of the piece imitates what it is describing, too - the pouring-dripping-dancing-caressing effect that moves back and forth, vertically, horizontally and diagonally. This is a piece imbued with energy, even though it's about something relaxed and peaceful.
Anyway, I can't nitpick. You've edited perfectly and the poem stands as further testament to your skill at weaving a word-picture that is sensual, all-embracing and a delight to read/envision/enter.
On my voting list it goes!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-10 10:37:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Lots of imagery in action with flights of lovely fantasy
I went back and read this with the first as one but I think it works well either way
and do you really have Lamia fantancies?
Thanks for letting me read and comment
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-09-10 08:17:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jana, I love the of color in this poem it makes a very vivid picture. I also like how the poem drips down the page the format adds to the idea you are expressing. paint the trees purple is my favorite but I in general enjoyed your use of verbs splashing, gurgling, running... they also add to the idea of the poem and make it lively and a fun read. Sandra
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!