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This Poem was Submitted By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2004-09-18 05:26:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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She's...

She’s spiraling curls That leave me rapt Round fingers That dance through my soul She’s brown sugar eyes Melting away doubts Leaving me Dripping with desire She’s crimson lips With honeydew kisses Sighing rapture and screaming fire She’s broad shoulders That carry weights Of sorrows faced Too heavy for a man She’s supple arms And silken skin That comfort children And mesmerize men She’s brazen breasts Thrusting peaks That nourish love And covet bliss She’s slender waist And copious hips Where pleasure thrusts And gardens grow She’s a gentle swell As her stomach yearns For fertile seeds To procreate She’s shapely thighs Spread wide for life That clench when agony And ecstasy arise She’s slender calves And stable feet To carry her Throughout the years She’s a woman Head to toe Strong and sinuous Imperfect and pure She’s all that… and more!

Additional Notes:
This is something I’ve been working on and I was hoping to get a few comments before I made any additional changes. One of the things I was wondering about was my use of the word “rapt” instead of “wrapped” I want to know if it makes sense to the reader. Thank you for your comments.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-04 00:03:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Patricia, This was very refreshing to read. I am a huge fan of reminding humanity what woman is to the world. I think that you do an awesome job of illustrating what "she is" to everything around her. I think the word rapt' is fine. I understood it clearly, and I thin that spelling adds flair and style as well as sets somewhat of a tone for the poem. The poem has a very strong beginning. That's important because readers are lost if the second line is not full of promise for them (smile), but you've done a wonderful job of captivating the audience from the first stanza. As it goes on, you build on what "she is," and after stanza 7, I think the tone changes a little. At any rate, this is a great poem, and I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorial.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-09-24 15:00:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Prior to my critique, I will respond to your question, I like rapt over wrapped. Wrapped as a single meaning, in a sense, but rapt can mean the same as "wrapped" in the same, but also adds a conscious interest, a single mindedness, and an excitement... rapt is a well chosen word. Throughout your piece there is a sinew of sensuousness that drew me to read the next line. The innocense played with the man in me, peaking in, "rapt" if you will at the entirety of the woman. Throughout it seemed like a self portrait, but also there was so much curiosity as to the reason this was written that I felt throughout that I was probably being duped, but didn't care. The piece was like an invocation, and it had it's appointed effect, but your last lines were also an invitation that left the reader barren, knowing the "and more" was to remain unknown. Your style fit well your verse. As far as content, I have only two observations, on your line "Too heavy for a man", I believe you are saying there are burdens best carried by a woman, and rather than bring man into it, I think you should keep with your theme of speaking of her. Maybe, as above, "best carried by a woman" would work, or something along those lines. My other suggestion would be against using the word "sinuous". I believe this is a self portrait, but if you wish to continue to "include" women in general, many are not sinuous, and possibly another "physical" amplyfier would be more universal. This was a pleasure to read, thank you for the sharing!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-09-21 17:46:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Poet this is so beautiful and from where I read I see a new born little girl with her head filled with curls and from that moment on she has captured your heart.....of course others would see it different and that is the beauty of creating with words......from the opening stanza it seems to me you are travelling with this young girl into womanhood with all its ups, downs, beauty and feelings......rapt works for me in the opening stanza too......though the little darling must have me wrapped around those little fingers........ good structure, great word flow, nice images created with the flare of your pen.......the closing stanza's makes me want to shout it from the roof tops how proud it is to be a woman.....hehehe....thanks for posting and sharing...God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-09-18 17:06:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Dear Patricia, After reading this, I feel pretty lucky being a She, scrumptious all over. Regarding your question, I think wrapped is the better word. Rapt leaves one thinking that "Spiraling curls leave me rapt.(sounds like the line ends) Round fingers that dance through my soul." Wrapped would bring together the four lines. Just my thoughts though. You always write such devine, sensual poems with absolute clarity and passion. I always enjoy your work. You write with a fresh pen- images that most cannot conjure up, at least, I could not. I must go, I might have to use my own She powers to comfort the better half if LSU loses the ballgame...haha. Take good care. This is a great piece. My best always, Wanda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-09-18 14:15:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
A very well written captivating poem. I think the use of "rapt" is fine. The English language is quite muscular, and this root word takes me to "rapture" which ties in with soul. For me it works. The abundance of sibilant "s" sounds makes the poem soft and subtle and sensual. You have painted a complete portrait of unabashed truth about the beauty and function of form, that lives life in truth, with honour and purpose. The poem creates a rubenesque image in my mind of a full figured woman that has lived, she is not young, and not old, she is beauty. The only suggestion I would have for you is weighing the value of repeated She's. I did a poem like this once and a crit reminded me of the fact I could state it in the first stanza or title and leave the second word of every line as the first... just a suggestion. She's... Spiraling curls That leave me rapt Round fingers That dance through my soul Brown sugar eyes Melting away doubts Leaving me Dripping with desire Crimson lips With honeydew kisses Sighing rapture and screaming fire Thanks for sharing. Well done. Robert

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-18 09:32:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16216
I think rapt makes sense to me, I enjoyed reading it. thanks for posting.

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