This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-09-20 23:09:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 60 (Pillow)

You cradle my thoughts With your unsung lullabies Pampering my dreams

Copyright © September 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

Additional Notes:
- Good night! Sleep tight! :)


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-09-26 13:29:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
One might take not understand the poetic liscence of adding anthropomorphic qualities to a pillow. Personally while rereading many times this verse, I was reminded the many times in my life that only my pillow new, only my pillow comforted, and only my pillow was there to hold. I particularly enjoyed "unsung lullabies" and with smile recalled the companionship of falling to sleep when sleep was so needed, and awaking with my head resting on my pillow, life a bit better. Your use of a "cradle" for thoughts, then taking that to the "dreams" being pampered, as an extension of the first line, reinforced the verse, and in a sense, brought the universal into a focused thought. Excellent Haiku. No structural or cosmetic suggestions.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-09-21 17:13:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Each night I go to bed with six pillows though my head only rests on one.......but which one depends on the softness of the night I guess......as it does cradle my head allowing my thought to carry on forming whatever they must to create this nights pampered dream........as always my friend, good structure form, always to the beat of the Haiku you are and the image of my pillow waiting for me to sleep and dream jumps forth....thanks for posting and sharing...God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-21 14:14:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.21739
pillow listener of snores cloud of my most sweet escapes morning says goodbye Oh well theres mine. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: joshua p shelton On Date: 2004-09-21 12:16:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
hmm.... in 17 syllables you encomppased love and trust. a difficult task with free/blank verse but your verse is amazing. the contentness and peace of the speaker is excellently displayed. *props* -jps-
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-09-21 11:45:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Erzahl--And the hits keep coming! Neat little metaphoric Senryu. Very witty and quite apt when thought on. Thanks for letting the sheep off the hook-smile. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-09-20 23:50:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Dear Erzahl, I can't believe, finally I can comment on a poem not at the bottom of my list. I usually catch them after they've dropped off the page. You just spit 'em out like watermelon seeds. They're always Haiku perfect and the themes you come up with are great. I think that is what I love the most about your work. After you have the theme, you paint the picture so beautifully. Another winner! I'm going to look for my pillow. Take care, and write more. Best, Wanda
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