This Poem was Submitted By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-10-11 15:02:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Evolutionary Fractals Spinning lives
upon the narrow branch
of nearly falling
dangling seeds
of good
and right
honour
and grace
often unseen
discovery is hidden
until leafy fractals enriched
through purpose
seek the sun
of selfless true
blooming
in the smallest gifts
daily
demonstrated
as each seeks to serve unnoticed
one child’s hunger
one outstretched hand
one elderly tear
compassionately
aware
of hidden limits
embraced by all
as the first pledge
to rise beyond loss
and isolating pain
is demonstrated
through singular choices
that emerge
that enshrine
that ensoul
the spiral course.
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Copyright © October 2004 Robert Wyma
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-03 09:34:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Robert,
I really enjoyed this one. As I read, I realized that you've created a multilayered
meaning here in these lines. In fact, as I finished reading I had a picture of the
double helix of DNA spiraling around my mind which expanded to strand of different
people and the course of their lives and choices that they make and all of it
spiraling around inside my head. I've seen alot of fractals and have always enjoyed
looking at them, but the fractals referred to in this poem look really awesome!
Wow, did someone slip me some LSD? lol jk. But seriously this is the kind of evolution
I find extremely intersting and I find this vivid imagry very well done.
I find the creative structure you fashoined by your free style very pleasing to the eye and flowing very naturally.
Thanks for sharing this on TPL.
Blessings,
JEnnifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-15 20:02:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Hi Robert,
You are so deep, I only hope I 'got' it.
The seeds are full of good, right, honor, grace.
Each planting and blooming showing it's true self.
As do us.We are born and bloom to show our true
self. Our goodness shows in our compassion to help
others and thus evolve ourselves.
[the spiral choice]
You've written well and very meaningfull.
Powerful thought.
My best to you my friend,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-11 16:56:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Robert:
Whew! I did one small task after first viewing this, and it's already slipped
down on my list, which shows it's being read and critiqued quickly. Always
a good sign. <smile>
There is so much depth to this piece, that I think I shall have to save some
of my comments for an email. Time is a bit limited today, as I am trying to make
some train reservations. But I will work in as much of my thoughts and reflections
to this piece as possible as time allows. It seems a distillation of a lifetime's
reflections, and parts of it will simmer in my consciousness until I can extract
the full flavor. I absolutely drooled at the word "fractals" in your title, as
they are one of my favorite concepts (discoveries).
Spinning lives
upon the narrow branch
of nearly falling --you show the risk of living as spirits embodied in clay
dangling seeds
of good
and right
honour
and grace
often unseen
discovery is hidden
until leafy fractals enriched ---WONDERFUL!
through purpose
seek the sun
of selfless true (ah, the key, which is embedded in the word 'selfless')
blooming
Your formatting of the work allows the reader's eye to flow effortlessly down
the page, absorbing the sense of motion, the energy of gentle seeking, and
strong curiosity. I think the essence of a good poem for me is freshness,
excitement about its theme and the thrill of discovery of another's POV:
you provide all of these, and more. Your poetics, for example, the soft
fricative f's in "leafy/fractals" bespeaks a gentle, lyrical awareness
of nature and what lies beyond/beneath it. "spinning lives/dangling seeds"
is ecstatic imagery, and appeals to my every sense -- subtle and sensual
at once.
in the smallest gifts
daily
demonstrated
as each seeks to serve unnoticed
The modest way that these gifts are illustrated belies the greatness of
their return to giver, in participation, "daily" and "unnoticed"!
one child’s hunger
one outstretched hand ---sublime message, so needed now
one elderly tear
compassionately
aware
of hidden limits
embraced by all
as the first pledge
to rise beyond loss
and isolating pain
is demonstrated
through singular choices
that emerge
that enshrine
that ensoul
the spiral course.
The repeated "that" emphasizes the unfoldment, the developmental rhythm of
fractals. "ensoul the spiral course" sends shivers up and down my spine,
dear author. I am encouraged with your compassionate words to "rise beyond loss"
which could otherwise deflect me from my course. And then, I realize, that we
are on this course together. Reading this for me has been (and will be again,
and again) an unitive experience. Thank you for the incredible insights and
most of all, for the music behind the words. The soulfulness of this piece
lights the way for a lonely traveler today. How graceful you are, and how
grateful is this reader.
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-11 16:30:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68750
the replication of simple shapes grow into astounding surprises and you've captured in many images of this poem. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
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