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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-15 13:18:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Flower haiku #1

Rowdy iris leaves cut turquoise skies in pieces, later offer gold

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-07 15:32:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79310
Hi Joanne, Does this mean that you wrote other flower Haiku or that you are going to? I didn't see anymore on my list, but I do so love this one very much! Did I ever tell you the Iris is one of my very favorite flowers, only second to violets. But I also like roses. Darn, I guess I love all flowers. "Rowdy iris leaves"---Rowdy! I tell you , those Iris leaves are such partiers! They get together with the wind and dance till all hours of the day! "cut turquoise skies in pieces,"---Sounds like someone was laying on the ground looking up through the Iris. Or another scenereo would be looking at the sky above the horizon through the Iris. The second one is my guess. Such vivd imagry here! "later offer gold"---There are two ways of looking at this also. The pollen on the Iris is gold colored and I exspect this could be the gold offering, or the horizon could be hosting the rising moon that is seen through the Iris. I'll take either one. Thanks for another lovely Haiku. BTW, I just wanted to comment ont hese, but please don't feel obligated to reply to all these comments I've sent you in the last two days. OK? Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-10-25 12:15:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
in?....to?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-24 19:27:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Dearest one: I should be going to bed...I'm at the error point I described but I must muddily comment. I have "Irises" hung over my bed so what can I say? Vincent painted with his heart as we all know and I had finished a 'color blue' poem for next month so have been paying extra attention to his blend of blues. "Rowdy iris leaves" captures part of his magic (all could never be captured) and is thus beautiful for his leaves in which I find many, many shapes. Like leaves jumping about, flinging themselves, and some are of people dancing. "cut turquoise sky in pieces," a wondrous, magical way to describe the iris of bluish purple against the backdrop of turquoise sky. I meditate for hours on the painting and I see two eagles in the mid-right section and the single white iris looks like an elderly lady with a white stole and hat, going to church for a wedding. You thrill me with the quintessential ending: "later offer gold" and one would have to be sightless to miss the rich sugary gold that grounds the plants. There are no words for his colors: the gold is a cerise with slits of ochre, trails of reddish earth. You know what I mean: there is no other color than the red dirt one finds in numerous places. When I think, I look up as most people do but "Starry Night" hangs over my desk. Talk about blue! Then I glance to my right and there's is your gold: "Sunflowers." Have I ever mentioned how much I like Van Gogh? Every where one looks in my room, they see prints of Vincent's work (two still life" I haven't noted for you. Then you see three ceiling-high book cases where Seamus Heaney at al reside. I have a square basket where current work is kept, a WOW file filled with poems which please me. Little sister, one file is crammed with your poetry. I must start a new file soon. I couldn't find this poem so had to go to All Users. I hope it goes thru because I've been losing loads lately. I miss you so much, it is an ache. Please take care. With shouts of ole' and brava!! Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-23 11:09:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73684
Joanne, I reflected long on this piece, the term “rowdy” threw me. I chose to take a break, review all I knew of the Iris, and return to respond. It took my flower picture collection to “clue” me in. Rowdy, those leaves which begin in a vertical, scimitar, type growth, almost attacking the sky as they advance, leaves that leave no doubt that they are here to stay. Also, I happen to know, long after the blossoms are gone, those leaves hang on to their green and life, long after many other genus’s have capitulated, whether in wintering areas or the desert. From that moment, your second line became brilliant, “cutting” the skies to pieces. Suddenly this entire piece comes into focus, a focus that I did not have yesterday. Later, as the blossoms open, and it does not matter what color of Iris, they all have that, golden, interior band, that offers the vitality to the sun. Raising their standards to the sky in support of the rowdy leaves, and daring fall to challenge their falls. Sometimes I wonder if you simply write to the beauty of nature, and I just happen to see something beyond the initial beauty, and here it is in this verse, the metaphor it means to me. The struggles and travails may hinder the goals and hopes to be, but when fruition is meted, beyond those difficulties, the results will be more golden than if it has all been easy. Thanks Joanne, for the beauty of this verse, and forcing me out of my box, to find it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-17 21:18:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.51351
Okay Joanne, we're on to flowers now. Where does all of this inspiration come from? (smile). Do you have a garden or do you surround yourself by beautiful plants. Actually, just reading all of your haiku, I can tell that you are very in touch with nature. That's a good thing. I admire all of the nature poems that I have read here this month. They are a Godsend for me because they allow me to take my mind off of the mundane and concentrate momentarily on something surreal and natural. I like how you began this one. It's a little more cocky than the rest. To begin with the word "rowdy" was another good idea in this haiku too because it sets the tone. I think you've perfected that technique, using the first words to set the tone of your haiku. Rowdy iris leaves. Again, those r' sounds tickled my fancy. cut turqoise skies in pieces (this is such a beautiful play on words and personification). The word ROWDY and now the iris leaves are CUTTING things to shreds. What a thought! (smile). And they come back to offer "gold" something beautiful, rare and priceless. Those darned irises (smile). Your haiku always make me think. Not only are they literaly images, but you metaphorically speak to reader on another level with these short renditions. This is wonderful. Leaves cut the skies to bring gold. This is a priceless thought and grand verbiage adding creedence to what you have written. Excellent. Thanks for continuing to share your talent with us. Latorial www.latorial.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-16 18:33:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55882
Begging your pardon your highness, I also forgot to copy my haiku from tree #3. I tried to email you but for whatever reason, couldn't get in; I'm probably doing something wrong. Anyway, I think this is my favorite haiku of yours yet. I just love the harmonics that fit so well with the picture you've painted here. The stark contrast between between the soft and jagged sounds fits perfectly with the delicate leaves of the iris and their proud invasion of an unbroken sky. Simply beautiful, the images envisioned. In proud defiance Irises pay skies in gold For their trespasses

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-10-16 13:31:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Joanne, I love the humor in this poem. The offering of the flower center as to make up for being an even prettier blue than the sky. Yea! Jane PS I have a little time this weekend so I thought I would wander by and I am so glad I did to find this poem.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-10-15 22:40:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne, Another great Haiku. "Rowdy iris leaves", now that's a memory. My dog used to eat those for breakfast. The flower itself made her sneeze but how she loved to cut down those coarse leaves. Your "turquoise skies" gives us a beautiful reflection, and to "later offer gold", a spectacular scene. Your choice of themes for your Haiku, interesting and colorful. I see nothing you could improve. Best always and again, Wanda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-15 19:50:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Joanne, I love iris. My favorite flower.[poor mans orchid] Their sharp pointed knife hardy like leaves cut the sky into pieces.... The flower is gold like no other. Wonderful..........give me spring anyday. I send good thoughts dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-15 13:23:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.89286
Very colorful haiku I picture in my head leaves with knives taking little patches out of the sky, I"m glad they came back to patch it up though. Thanks for letting me read and comment.

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