This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2004-10-19 21:52:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Dying to Stay Alive Chains on cages
Locks on boxes
Rattling to set me free
Trying hard to find room to breathe
Holding it in
Shutting my eyes
Maybe it’s all a dream
A nightmare it is
But a reality still
For some young innocent soul
The terror is frightening
Welling up inside
Preserving my breath
Cuz you never know
Which one’s your last
Waiting and waiting
Forever and ever
Boiling inside
The anger is seething
But recognize it not
The fear is effacing
Anything else that resides
In the pit of my stomach
As continually I’m searching
For the one thing to comfort inside
But nothing befits
The turmoil within
As memories ravage my brain
I find it ironic
That I seek a dark place
As comfort from darkness inside
Memories of cages
Remembrances of boxes
Buried alive
Left to die
Nothing can save me
No comfort suffices
To bring solace to an abandoned soul
Lost in the darkness
Grasping for breath
Desperately clinging to life
Dying to stay alive
Such a twisted play on a mind so young
Submit my soul
To be saved again
Sell him my heart
Give him my mind
He promises eternal rest
And peace I can find
If only I give all that I have
Maybe then I’ll be able to live
A life free of torture
And cruelties therein
Unspeakable acts leave
Invisible scars
Abandonment
Neglect
Mind twisting games
Manipulating thoughts of the young
And innocent lives
Trapped in a lie
Locked in a box
Chained in a cage
Desperately clinging to life
Dying to stay alive
Buried alive just to die
Terror astounding
Voices come pounding
Death becomes her
Once more
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Copyright © October 2004 Mandie J Overocker
Additional Notes:
just another one for healing...writing my way through a tuff place. comments are welcome.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-22 15:26:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56000
Hi Amanda,
I have read this piece three times and each time I find myself on a lonely journey
beside you just trying to stay alive. I don't know what kind of abuse you endured,
whether it be physical or emotional but my guess you lived through both. You speak of
being locked in cages or boxes which may be real or figurative, but either way it was
horrible for you. The dynamics of your words are gut wrenching to me, which make this
poem powerful in content but also in an emotional sense. My mother could be very
abusive with sharp words that cut me to the core but I never felt abused just sad that
I could not please her as I would have liked to. All that happened when she was old and
I was caring for her....'the terror is frightening, welling up inside, preserving my breath
cuz (like this word here..spoken as a child) you never know which ones your last'..what
a horrible place for a child to be....we are supposed to happy as children and without
worries or stress...which should be saved for adulthood. But sadly there are many
children that exist day after day in a state of terror, struggling just to stay alive.
Writing has a cathartic effect on me and I can see it does for you as well...keep doing
it. One of these days when you have worked through this sorrow you will find happier
things to write about...but that will come only when you are healed. I have also
written some 'dark' poetry...just because I just have to sometimes. My heart and my
prayers go out to you at this difficult time in your life. This is a good poem, one
that was written from your soul.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-20 19:44:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Dear Mandy,
I can honestly say I don’t know if I will be on or all wet with this poem, but it speaks volumes regardless to me. Everyone interprets a piece based on the voice that speaks the truth but they live their own truth that influences the entire piece, I have been on TPL since 2001, when I started writing for healing purposes. I believe the critiques were more healing than my poetry. I wrote before I was 18 but after a trauma, I quit and didn’t start back for 31 years. I am not a natural “poet”, just an everyday woman who is healing from the past and living a future of happiness, I pray.
Okay, enough about me. I take your poem line by line and the first starts with your title. A stanch play on words and one I do understand for my life so well. With PTSD, the through of leaving this earth has played with my mind and yet I have a wonderful family, beautiful grown kids, and an awesome granddaughter. “Dying to Stay Alive” is exactly what this is like.
I could look at this poem as one of abuse but I believe there is much more depth to it than that. A box with locks, rattling with a metallic noise, sounds as if you have been secured by fate in something other than a “real” box, The box may be closed or shoved in, thus you struggle for a breath. Where is the room to find air? Almost as if you were in something under the water, or pushing into a wall or cave. “This can’t be happening so me”! I see you were in some car accidents and this could have been you inside a car. You know it is real but you wish by any means this was a dream and you would wake from it quickly. We all know that we “don’t” know when our last breath will be, And being locked away, where taken by someone or lost in a box, as you describe, would be terrifying. The thought and knowledge that this may be it is overwhelming, This could also relate to a child of abuse, shut in their own box, unable to express there greatest fears because of the repercussions they have been told they would receive. Regardless, this one is innocent and life is in a major turmoil.
The “boiling inside” with anger seething sounds more like abuse, but one can be upset at being in an accident and rarely is that totally forgotten, There is turmoil in just not knowing if one is going to live, why did this happen to me, how do I get out of here alive? I could have written the next part, which is excellently portrayed:
"The turmoil within
As memories ravage my brain
I find it ironic
That I seek a dark place
As comfort from darkness inside
Memories of cages
Remembrances of boxes
Buried alive
Left to die
Nothing can save me
No comfort suffices
To bring solace to an abandoned soul
Lost in the darkness
Grasping for breath
Desperately clinging to life
Dying to stay alive"
All of this pertains to my experiences and you have written it in such depth with such great words. Then again, you speak of the “twisted play on a mind so young”, thus I go back to abuse. This person wants so desperately to live, to not remember anything, to have a clean new life, that they are “Dying to stay alive”.
The torture could be from the accident but I feel this poem portrays aspects of both. An in depth, unique, soul searching poem. I lived it but you certainly may have or know someone who has in the same or different manner. Very well written and very the elements of the spirit, of God, the eternal rest, the peace one can finally find, Abandonment, neglect, invisible scars, cruelties, torture, manipulation, games, terror pounding voices, this all brings me back to a great suffering we don’t wish on anyone, oh the memories are enough to bring one to “death becomes her once more”. What a poem and what depth. I will remember this one and I know “ghosts” live on from time to time.
My very best to you,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-19 23:50:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Dear Amanda,
You've come to the right place - there are so many wonderful people here and I know this type of encouragement will be beneficial to you. I wish there were a pill we could take - to erase unpleasant memories from our past.
Unfortunately, we don't so we through efforts like this - form a healing plan for ourselves - and writing is one of the best outlets. We have to get it out of our systems otherwise we will be spoiled for life. We can't let those who abused us have the upper hand anymore. Now we are in control and have to let go of the haunting ghosts that were responsible for our pain.
This is an easy to read and comprehendable piece. You have relayed the fears well, the emotions and depth of the anguish it has caused you. You are looking it straight in the eye now - and saying you have had enough.
One thing that has held me up is my religion. God made us, he loves us, he watched us being formed in our mothers stomachs. He laid out a plan - and he wants us to heal and live the contented life we deserve.
We are 100% good no matter what happened to us - and if you keep up at the pace you are going - I think
you will heal and life will be yours for the taking.
Good luck Amanda,
sincerely,
DeniMari
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