This Poem was Submitted By: Keith Robson On Date: 2004-11-07 15:07:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In my mind's eye.

The sun has just gone down on a truly glorious day, the dusk has drawn a curtain across the gold kissed bay, the visions are all gone now but my memories still stay, on the deepest magic ledges of my mind's eye. From the dawning of the day as I walked along the beach, I saw the treasures of the tide stretch as far as I could reach, and I stored them in the only place that had a spot for each, on the deepest magic ledges of my mind's eye. The sun had risen in the sky and made the sea a silver lane, that reached across the waves until it met the sandy plain, I picture it a thousand times in the place where it is lain, on the deepest magic ledges of my mind's eye. The lighthouse blinked a last goodnight as I made my way back home, with haunting luminescent light on the wavelets crowning foam, and I locked it in my soul and placed my never-ending poem, on the deepest magic ledges of my mind's eye...
Copyright © November 2004 Keith Robson

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-11-30 19:30:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
Dear Keith, The magic of words, artfully arranged have created a breathtaking read. I can't find anything wrong in this poem. It stands on it's own - and I enjoyed it immensely. Such vivid images, my favorite, (the sa a silver lane), and a good rhyming scheme all pull together a mellow and serene piece. If you can envision such beauty and then with this feeling put in down on paper you have achieved a talent that only some wish for. Good luck with this. Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-11-17 16:01:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Keith, Welcome to TPL...hope you will continue to post your work here. This poem is such a welcome relief...it is full of hope and wonderful images which you have so poetically limned with your pen....'the dusk has drawn a curtain across the gold kissed bay' I write a lot about nature and the wonderful sights all around us...if we only stop long enough to see. I am so glad I didn't miss these!....'along the beach I saw the treasures stretch as far as I could reach'...love this scene....'made the sea a silver lane that reached across the waves until it met the sandy plain'...beautiful image....your words make it easy for me to see...in my mind's eye!...'the lighthouse blinked a last goodnight...with haunting luminescent light (this is my favorite line)...'I loved it in my soul'... the repetition of 'on the deepest magic ledges of my mind's eye' works extreamly well here. Your rhyming is so magical with a cadence that is best when read aloud. Sometimes we poets are guilty of writing profound stuff and to see an up-lifting piece such as this really brings a smile to my face. Keep writing as it is obvious you have talent and I hope to read more of your work soon. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-11-09 16:22:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Keith, Most enjoyable/thanks Keith. I know when you see a 'wonder' you want to forever remember. So you memorize the sight in your minds eye. Thus you were able to bring it back and write of it. Most beautifully! the dusk has drawn a curtain across the gold kissed bay,[good visual wording, thoughout] something to show you: The sun has just gone down[6 syllbles] on a truly glorious day,[8] the dusk has drawn a curtain[7] across the gold kissed bay,[6] the visions are all gone now[7] but my memories still stay,[7] or; The sun has just gone down 6 on a glorious day, 6 the dusk drew a curtain 6 across the gold kissed bay, 6 the visions are all gone 6 but my memories stay, 6 My best to you, Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-11-09 12:11:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Keith: I've not seen your name before. If you are new to TPL, welcome and I hope you'll stay. Your piece has some rhymes, mostly end stopped. Your imagery in stanza 1 has some nice touches such as the day was glorious and dusk has drawn a curtain across the gold-kissed day. You/poet stores his memories of the event in the magic ledges of your mind. From aubade of the dawn, poet strolled along the beach , you with your poet's eye see tides' treasures which you again place on your ledge. Sunrise makes the sea silver lanes to the sandy plain. Now the lighthouse blinks a goodnight as you begin your journey home "with haunting luminescent light on the wavelets crowning foam stored nicely in its magic ledge of a mind's eye. The recurring end of each atanza seems like glue which bonds the elements of your poem. Part of your talent lies in your ability to describe in new words some grande elements you have encountered...imagery, the experts call it. Imagery engages the senses which all poetry aims to do. What I hear most often from the poet is what did you feel? IN YOUR POEM, I am taken by the descriptors, from dawn to sundown on the beach, and said memories are stored in an internal ledge in your mind. All I rendered was an exegesis on what your poem says as I saw no needs for changes. Hope there are more to come if this is a sampling of your writing! Best wishes, \Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-11-09 10:46:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This poem flows off the tongue well, and gives many images for the imagination to play with. the repeat of on the deepest magic ledges of my mind's eye. while central to the poem I find it dosen't flow as well of the rest. but maybe thats just me. Thanks for letting me read and comment on your poem.
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