This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-08 17:05:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Lunar Longing
Cassini’s beams rebound off Saturn's major moon,
tickling her with flyby peeks. Camera’s eye clicks glimpses
of her round cupped basins, and strange lines streaking
past a curious catlike face--some say persuasive proof
of Titan's former molten lakes. Luna looks away, aloof,
astonished at the gall! She’s been circling facing Earth
constantly, watching, waiting for the call: “Will you star
in our next venture, please?” Instead, it’s Saturn’s satellite
who gets the biggest caption for maybe having water once
upon a time. Yet Luna’s never second-best; she’s undaunted
for astronauts will soon return to use her as a launching place
to send off man to outer space. Her gravity’s far less than Earth’s
and the cost of rocket fuel is high. But all Luna’s ever really wanted
is to make star-crossed lovers sigh.
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Copyright © November 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-12-07 09:03:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne,
I am running out of time to finish my list and had to chose the best of what's left.
Here it is, my favorite for the month of November. I thought it was going to be
"Candlelight", but the absolute playfulness of this piece got me by the toe and wouldn't
let go!
See! you really are a shining star! Just to come up with the idea of this is pure
genius,to actually pull it off, priceless as they say!
I love this from the illiterating title right down to the last line rhyme. The personification
of the universe, maybe has been done before, but in this readers mind never so enjoyably as this.
You put a smile on my face with the antics of the stars. In real life I turn this gossip off.
But reading your poem I am hanging on every piece of information you divulge as if I am one of those
scoop hungry vultures myself.
The paporazzi Satellite takes some very candid pics here:
Cassini’s beams rebound off Saturn's major moon,----nice alliteration!
tickling her with flyby peeks. Camera’s eye clicks glimpses--- the playfulness of these line tickles me also!
of her round cupped basins, and strange lines streaking----love the rhyming of peeks and streaking
past a curious catlike face--some say persuasive proof--a bonus of two allits in this line!
of Titan's former molten lakes.
Luna looks away, aloof,----wonderful sounds here!
astonished at the gall! She’s been circling facing Earth--- I can see her indignant look from your wording
constantly, watching, waiting for the call: “Will you star
in our next venture, please?”------and some wait forever, what great personification this is!
Instead, it’s Saturn’s satellite
who gets the biggest caption for maybe having water once---I love the way you weave actual facts into this story!
upon a time. Yet Luna’s never second-best; she’s undaunted---Luna will be the bigger person not stooping to
for astronauts will soon return to use her as a launching place-----star jealousy!!
to send off man to outer space. Her gravity’s far less than Earth’s---more wonderful facts
and the cost of rocket fuel is high. But all Luna’s ever really wanted
is to make star-crossed lovers sigh.----I am sighing right along with Luna being the hopeless romantic!
This has been the most fun I've had in a while. Being sick (again!) and not being able to stay
home from work because I need the Christmas present money. I even volunteered to work overtime
this week. But how refreshing to read this lovely tale.
Thanks, because they say laughter is the medicine and this has given me many chuckles as I read
it over and over. Now I have to change my vote!
Thanks so much for writing and sharing.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-12-06 08:35:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25641
Does this mean the planet's Saturn Moon Titan is now a star, at least the Earths natural satellite can look hopeful to playing at least a cameo on up coming films, Thanks for the good read enjoyed it much.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2004-11-14 16:20:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne,
the personification of Luna is delightful, and the stepping stone to the universe is predictable, but I
found the last semblence the key and glue of the piece. What has Luna always wished for? That wonderous
sigh that only lovers truly understand? Indeed!! Always a treat to read your posts.
Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach On Date: 2004-11-11 11:45:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne,
I really enjoy what you have portrayed here by symbolism. It is always an interesting approach to use nature to show expression of human things or perhaps rather even using human things to portray nature. Not often do I find poems that capture elements of outer space, though, and that makes this work significant.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-11-10 15:03:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
HRH Aviary Emeritus:
This the last poem on my list so poets have been busy with your
returning to space. I wondered what the postman/Roy would say to HRH.
Some places we have had the same postman for years and he's like part
of the family.
Did my handwriting say anything to you? I have trouble with it just as with
typing.
You posted Lunar the the 8th and I posted Birdsong (at full moon) the next day.
You didn't acknowledge the dedication but knowing you, little sister thought
it might be for someone else. (There is but one EMERITUS).
Your loving tribute to Luna is filled with poetics which as you know I hate
listing. I have great doubts about my critiquing of late as well as my
poems.
I haven't a notion of Cassini's beams (I'm sure it's not Oleg) but I do not
feel like getting up and down to look for meaning. We've had rain all week
and my hips are screaming and I'll bet your shoulders, neck, and arms hurt
when it rains there. (Which is often).
Dellena e-mailed me that she's in Portland. I love that city with a passion.
Well, dearest wall-lurkness, I'm all over except your poem. The 1st stanza has
lovely allits and sounds; I love the hard C of Cassini/camera/cup/clicks.
You enjamb to S 2 with two more hard C words: curious/cat and these are but
a few examples of your euphony. The personification of Luna is perfect: "Luna
looks away, aloof, astonished at the gall!" A nit: you have face in line 1
and facing in line 3. An option to consider...as I said, a nit.
S 3 gtives three more hard C sounds...I realize I mention those overly so
but they are the supreme sound for my ears.
I really like Luna's watching, waiting for the call. So human and delightful,
enhanced by the sibilance...I feel Luna has an affect on you as if you are
gradually leaning in her direction. I feel a bond, for sure.
S 3 brings the reader to the ideation that the moon's role is far from obsolete
as astronauts return to use her as a launching pad in the not-too-distant future.
I truly think you can lose the line "Her gravity's far less than Earth's and the
cost of rocket fuel is high."
For me, this is saying what is obvious, something everyone should know unless
the poem is for children and the language hadn't given me that idea. I think
the wondrous end line of all Luna wants is to, etc, etc should be set apart
to give it the most power possible.
I rarely suggest any changes in your work as it is always at the highest level.
This piece is of the highest degree as well...only a couple of nits came to
mind. Feel free to ignore same as I know each word in your poems are quite
carefully selected.
There is a difference in this poem...more sparely written...wrapped tightly but
with a big silver bow in the end line. I have been trying very hard to delete
more and more of my rhetoric; I killed an entire stanza in Birdsong.
You make me sigh, great Lunar light, creator of ambience and lambent glow
that flows right into my heartstrings. This is nearly as magnificent as you,
dear enchantress.
Lilacs, violets, verbena, and pansies for you.
Your Nekk
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-11-09 18:20:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Joanne....I just love this whimsical peice about the quibbling in the heavens above.
I wrote a similar one sometime ago called The Earth Smiled..or something like that. I
love the humor you have injected into the wonderful and descriptive lines. I found myself
smiling all the way through...plus I was cheering for Luna!...'glimpses of round cupped
basins'...only you could have thought of that and it just made my grin wider!...'Luna
looked away, aloof, astonished at the gall!'...poor Luna, after all she is the one who
has been circling Earth all this time..she should be the star...but oh no it's that
pesky Saturn's satellite that is getting all the attention...how could this be?? And
just because of having water once...big deal! But our dear Luna doesn't take a back seat
to anyone especially those guys that think they are better than her. She is undaunted as
she knows what will come her way someday...a launch into outer space and what is more
important than that...perhaps the star-crossed lovers sigh. I sure hope you don't mind
my 'getting into' this poem but I just can't help it (big grin) it is so fun and you know
how I like to get inside the poets mind when I critique. This one has the ability to
put me right into the middle of this squabble and even participate...which is a testimony
to your ability as a writer. I only found this poem because I scrolled to the very bottom
of my list and there you were! I am so happy I didn't miss it as it has really made my
day.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-11-09 16:34:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne--An excellent satirical humorous piece with factual bits thrown in.
Fresh descriptors in combination with superb rimes create vivid imagery of
the object for placement of humanity's amorous hopes. The suggesting of this
prominent celestial body in "friendly" competition with another planet is
cutely limned.
The poem is a smart example of the playfulness from an eclective and seemingly
unlimited repertoire this poet posses. Thanks for this respite, even if only
briefly. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-11-09 15:53:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne,
A thinking poem, having to dust off the brain.
I like the rhyming so unnoticed. peaks/streaks/face/lakes/place/space/gall/call.
A bit sexual/round cupped/streaking..And ending with star crossed lovers sighing.
star crossed/the astronauts? [or all of us?]
good job!
I have a book called the home planet that shows beautiful pictures taken on the moon of the earth.
And the many different astronaut's viewpoints, saying it was not only there mission to examine
the moon, but learned that as they saw their home planet they got a new sentiment that showed them a new more
wonderful appreciation of the earth! And how we should value and keep it safe.
Thanks Joanne
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-11-09 07:24:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne, what a delightful piece. Before directing my view to the verse, let me say you granted the "anthropomorphic" realism to both moons to the point that I feel I know them personally. Well Done!!
Your theme, Lunar Longing, is felt throughout the piece, the beginning and title, to the very last line. You transpose our moons “distress” to objectivity by having her “actively” involved in influencing “star crossed lovers” in the same manner as she now feels. Delicious.
Cassinni clicking Titan’s photos as if Titan himself were walking as a model at a fashion show, (myself I read into this line that once the “nerdish” boy, now the object of fame), and Luna looks on with a bit of disdain, larger, prettier, the next door neighbor girl, kind of peeved knowing her “round cupped basins”, are far more worth the “attention”. Excellent.
“Yet Luna’s never second-best; she’s undaunted
for astronauts will soon return to use her as a launching place
to send off man to outer space”
The there is the “undaunted”, my day will come and I’ll show the world what I can do, line. I can see her flicking her head back with a bit of peevishness, yet confidence.
Finally we are back to whom the moon really cares about, and in the end, that is the issue anyways. A great piece Joanne, Superb!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-11-08 19:30:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne,
What a wonderful display of talent and imagination. This was really fun to read, it was light, catchy and
touched on a topic that is new - warm and brought a smile to my face.
Descriptives of the planets interactions are good, the last line of your poem is my favorite - in reference to the moon making lovers sigh.
This little treck into outer space was a refreshing escape for me.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
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