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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-11-12 16:02:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Whispers (haiku)

Curtained night whispers Lend dawning new day laughter Lifts up inner soul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-12-05 00:02:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, What a fresh and soothing piece is this! Whispers...the subject itself is so poetic - a lot can derive from this sensation. To find this, is to find peace and solitude to the soul...you captured that solemn moment in such miraculous ways. You have poured layers of hope and inspirations. Perfect counting to compliment those perfect words you use here...nothing I can advise more. Thank you for sharing this "dawn" experience with us...its an honor to read and comment to a writer who considers "nature" as a friend. Bright blessings to you Marilyn! Once again, you have lifted my spirit! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-12-02 20:59:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
How lovely, Marilyn! "Curtained" night implies hidden things, mysteries, not only darkness and clouds but perhaps barriers to our spiritual awareness. Just beyond our understanding are the answers to all riddles, but they are "whispers" from shadow, not meant for us to clearly hear them. We just have to know they're attainable, someday. In L2, you give hope for renewed vitality. Whispers become laughter; the night's uncertainties turn to delight. The l/d alliteration you've included here gives a lilt to the diction. S3 takes us into the metaphysical. The poem isn't about night and day; it's about the opposing forces of life itself. We all are made up of both night and dawn, bad and good, darkness and light. By focusing on the latter, the positive aspect, we can deflect much of the negative influence. Yet without one, we'd not recognize the other. This is an energizing haiku. I very much like and appreciate it, and its message! Take Care, Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-11-30 11:18:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nighttime embraces Gentle hands cradle and soothe Rejuvenating A humble offering in response. Haiku are so fun! Hope you don't mind me sending you one but I just can't help it (ask Joanne). I love your use of "curtained" night, it really sets the mood of this piece, and whispers puts just the right subtle touch. And the whole second line, particularly the "lending" of laughter, adds a harmonious feel. Excellent as always--how about posting something truly dreadful for a change? I'm running out of laudatory comments!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-11-23 12:49:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn: You've written about one of the most elusive moments, the transition between "curtained night" and "dawning new day." It seems as if we are intrinsically bound up with the rhythms of our planet and star. Our diurnal experiences result in a new life ("new day") you show us, with poetic language that is so spare that it moves aside for the reader to experience the uplifting of "inner soul" -- you are the poet who writes with her soul, having experience of the night (metaphoric and mundane) and of the "new day laughter." It is amazing, you demonstrate here - we can experience the darkness, the insulation or perhaps desolation of it, and yet, without fail, a "new day" appears and we are once more reminded of our nature and destiny. I can't help but compare the dark-day-soul shifting of scene to all that troubles us in this brief, mortal life transformed into a new day. This gift is a new life. Those of the Christian religion will think of the Resurrection; those of the Jewish faith, the coming of the Messiah, those of the Buddhist philosophy, Nirvana, Hindus -- another life. Many who do not embrace a formal religion believe in a life to come following death. But it all comes down to the "inner soul" you have as the 'listener' in this piece. This divine creation, spark of the Creator, is central. And uniquely human. I don't think angelic beings experience darkness and dawning in the alternating pattern that we do. I always think of them as existing in an eternal NOW that has no variation. See how you have started my morning in a meditative, grateful mood. This haiku could also be considered an aubade, I think, for its celebratory tone. Superb offering! Brava, once more. My best always, Joannd

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-11-16 08:41:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I picture a stage with the curtains slowly opening to reveal the mornings soul, although the gives rise for me the question of what the mornings' soul looks like, I'm not sure but I keep pictureing a heart which turns to pure light for some reason. Thanks for letting me read and comment .

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-11-12 19:36:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn, Hi, this is such a nice poem. Curtained night whispers conger up the evening, dimly lit lamps and soft conversations between people. A scene properly set for the calm before the new day of activity, laughter and life. These are interactions that do lift us - send us what we need - "soul" food, and parts of life that are the best worth living. I'm impressed! Sincerely, DeniMari

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