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Mist a drop turned to mist so that we may begin and answers may be asked a mist brought by breeze a breeze blew by an ocean it had so long missed to get it's next tasks "Drop the mist into the seas! to rise again on wind and breeze!", so said such Ocean. "Deliver a dew to fallen leaves, and feed the trees in morning time Feed the soul thrice in rhyme... cell cycle circle- Self is the same, One even found in the greening caves!", he spoke with much emotion. "See! sing songs of that soul! the sloshing tide inside of you is Me... Serve with devotion!" self is a ocean, a drop, a mist, a dew rising in freedom from the waves warmed by the sun that saves the breeze is now a mighty wind given such a breath! gathering itself up again, it's headed for the trees... a mist in the morning early resolves as a meaning a drop, a dew so much is seen so known, so few rising in branches curly so high are the trees past, tension, defense all involve a seeming a cash crop anew so much is seen unknown, the few a mist in the eventide sweeps in a cleaning with mop and shampoo surprising in places surly but breath brought brazen breeze hence and no mist now lay about me absolved of a keening now settled in the leaves that bend a drop no longer dew that caress of the seas with tense is now present we may thus end so knowing, I know I knew |
Additional Notes:
This is another in my series of wind/water works. That's just what has been coming out of me lately is thoughts about wind and water. Not sure why.
Thanks,
REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-12-01 14:11:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Well it is said that we are born of the ocean. Fact...our body is 93 percent water so maybe you're
returning to your roots? and roots are fed by water.Strange huh? Some grammatical errors you may
like to resolve:
to get it's next tasks...it's says "it is" so it should be "its."
so said such Ocean...ocean does not need to be capitalized.
Good illiteration...i.e.:brought, brazen, breeze, etc. etc.
The sloshing tide within you is me...can that be in reference to you in the womb?
All in all a good poem which although, I find a bit choppy and long.
Thanks for posting....