This Poem was Submitted By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2004-11-26 16:28:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Electrifying Remembrance of "Don't do that!"
Fifty four years later, recalled
with crystal clear clarity.
Being four is full of fits,
finding outs, fun and
thankfully, a future.
Passing into his bedroom,
he looked down and shouted;
"Don't do that!!!"
The commanding tone
of no consequence
to four years of wisdom.
The bobbypin
entered the socket.
The moment was truly
electrifying!!
"Don't" now understood, painfully
and permanently personified.
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Copyright © November 2004 Paul R Lindenmeyer
Additional Notes:
My encounter, on my fourth birthday, remembered with clarity."Don't" took on a whole new meaning after this.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-05 15:01:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82857
Paul,
Kids never realize the responsibility of being a parent. Trying to
keep them safe and sane and able to stand on their own.
I read native americans let their kids do as they do/like touch a fire/get
burned once/they have really learned it. As you did.
As most people....we're warned continiually about every danger/but
till experienced, not learned.
A hard lesson but LEARNED.
good job.
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-11-29 13:47:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Sounds like you were the conductor of a shocking truth, Thanks for letting me read and comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-28 18:56:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Paul,
I bet 'don't' became a word that got your attention from there on out. *smile*
This is truly a wonderful reality poem.
Your use of fricative "F" is absolutely fantastic and I love "Crystal clear clarity".
If the title wasn't enough to completely draw the reader in, then the first stanza goes
an extra mile. The description of what being four involves is quite acurrate, speaking
from experience of having once been one and also having run a licensed day care in my home
for ten years.
Your ending is perfect with your "P"s. This one gave me a good belly laugh. Your imagry is right
on also. Very enjoyable read!
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-11-27 23:46:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Paul,
Ouch, that hurt! I know of others this has happened to, without permanent damage thank God. I enjoyed this poem. The defiance of the 4 year old as they can be at that age is clear in this piece. Those wall outlets hold so much curiousity to kids - I had to keep mine away from them too. I have a son that kept going at them with a pencil - so I covered them with those plug covers and he took his pencil and drew a mural on my wall.
Your poem brought that memory back to me and I thank you. My son is 26 now.
This was a fun piece to read.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-11-27 21:30:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96429
Paul, this is a deligtful look back at a moment held only by you. I have, I believe, several similar moments that remain crystal clear with not only the lesson, but the results of a certain "impropriety".
Being four is full of fits,
finding outs, fun and
thankfully, a future. - i have often looked back on my life, and my childrens life and wondered how we ever made it to adulthood. You grabbed that thought and produces a delightful "a future", and since you wrote this, I see you made it like the rest of us.
of no consequence
to four years of wisdom - I can recall dramatically the first time "no" or "don't do that" was transmitted to one of my children. Thier reaction to the tone, to the passion of the words, was incredible. It is true that only with consequence they understood, but prior to that, there was the suborning knowledge presiding.
"Don't" now understood, painfully
and permanently personified - So Here we are, and we are, now Knowledgeable. How I wish all my lessons came so clearly, and I could pinpoint the moment of wisdom gained. A great verse, an endearing read.
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