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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2004-12-11 15:04:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Black On White

Ravens arrived this morning, dozens of them. Milling, chattering, scrounging snow covered ground for sustenance, on this shortest day. Busy and oblivious to winter’s skeletal clutch. Ebon brilliance standing out in extreme definition against blinding white background. A black on white world… Winter strength will pass, Ravens remembered are forever.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-01-06 22:12:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mark, The images you present are starkly vivid. The harshness of winter doesn't deter the raven. This seems a day ingrained on memory and a bit melancholy to me. Impressively well written. Thanks for posting. Peace, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-01-03 14:46:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.18750
Those poe little Ravens shivering in the snow with an endless refrain of Nevermore, I can picture and heaer them as I sit back and close my eyes, Thanks for letting me read and comment.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-12-30 13:57:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Mark, I have always liked crows and ravens. I like to see them and think upon them as you do here. I love the listing of activities in the opening stanza. I wish for a list of what they are hunting for rather than the summing up word susteance. I like the concept of looking for sustenace. Could you add a list and then work in this is very exact word? The sustenance of? I am not sure you need the last line of the next stanza because the sketal and bliding images tell us so well already. I love the last two lines. Thanks! JD

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-12-29 17:01:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Hi Mark, The starkness of black on white is very appealing to me. I have witnessed ravens on snow and the sight has a mystical conotations. The raven's voice is not musical as some of their feathered friends...rather the sounds are scratchy and grate like finger nails on a black board. They do 'chatter and scrounge snow covered ground' making their tracks in virgin snow looking for any morsel....'busy and oblivious to winter's skeletel clutch'...love this line...skeletel is a wonderful image of winter's hold on the earth...'ebon brilliance standing out'..another great line. I can easily see a black shine on the blinding white of snow. It helps that I live where there is a lot of snow..not as much as when I was growing up but snow off and on all winter....'a black on white world' Here is where I feel the comparison of ravens on snow to life. Mostly our lives are black and white...right or wrong...dead or alive. There is some gray now and then in the little lies we tell or the job we only give one half to or insincere compliments we feel compelled to give....'winter strength will pass....ravens remembered are forever.' Perfect ending for this terse but complex poem...you have made me think and I like any poem that does that. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-15 19:34:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Mark, I've got persimmon trees, that the birds flock too. It is a formidable sight. no snow yet in portland, oregon. Skeletal touch was a nice touch! good bird view-able poem. Happy holidays, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-12-15 11:21:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, this is a spectacular “visual” that indeed, would remain beyond the winter. Your title caught me immediately, and the word RAVENS on my page of white, accentuated the title. I don’t know if you planned the “powerful” Ravens on a white sheet to mimic the birds in snow, but it was definitely a reinforcement of your theme. I have a love of winter, beyond the snow, but a love of the snow as well. I also have an envious love of Birds, and to combine them is well suited if well done. You have caught, in a sense the feral nature of both winter and the birds. “Milling, chattering, scrounging snow covered ground for sustenance – I can see these “hardy” birds searching for their sustenance, and squacking together. “on this shortest day” in a sense, this is a short metaphor to that need of sustenance, without it, all life in winter will join that winter in death. The shortest day, and the need. Well said. “Ebon brilliance standing out in extreme definition against blinding white background” – What a tremendous visual, Ebon brilliance, most would have written the contrasting “white snow brilliance” your contrast is refreshing and powerful. “A black on white world” – I took much more from this line than the visuals, it is the world that grants the “obtuse” willingness of black on white, or vice versa, another wonderful analogy. “Winter strength will pass, Ravens remembered are forever” My only comment to these lines is the rebirth is written each year in the demise, “a black on white world”. I too “metaphorically speaking” remember the Ebon brilliance of the Ravens. A truly enjoyable piece. Thanks for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-12-12 13:39:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MARK: You really have the eye, don't you? The manner in which you lay out b&w spread makes me think of a photographer. B& W can be a metaphor for many things as well, especially in the moral sense of good vs. evil in the most simplistic interpretation. Much as I love nature, birds for us city dwellers. I've never been all that tantalized by ravens. Forever more. Quoth the raven, Nevermore. I can't even remember the poem. The winter solstice? I thought that came about the 21st. No matter that. I like "milling" as a verb for them also scrounge is right on the nose as they pick the ground for any morsel, seed, berry, whatever another overlooked. I particularly like stanza 2, line 2. The ravens become part of what you see.... "Ebon brilliance standing out in extreme definition against blinding white background." Ah, satisfying for the spirit, reminiscent of Keats...the last couplet. I always enjoy your work, Mark, like holding a mirror to something I've never before noticed. Well done as always. ]Best wishes, Mell In extreme definition Against blinding white background. Mark, my brain is milling

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