Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-12-14 15:54:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

The Rectification of Names

the name’s the thing Confucius dreamed the Bard thought not. still, dynasties fabricate banter crusade into foreign fields chanting adamant lies, wrapped in libelous banners Romeo is still but Romeo named, [and a rose is still a rose] At endgame we weary of editing tombstones and naming names listen The sky is breathing birdsong oceans disperse whimperings of fishes and crab. In the last burst of screaming sunset I marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:44:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Rachel, this poem looks into a simple yet rich aspect of life. The act of naming . . . I think your word choice, the elevation of the language and the brevity of the lines make this an awesome poem to read. I could identify with many of the illustrations that you introduce in the poem. thanks for sharing a great read. latorial

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-03 16:44:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
the name’s the thing........who said "what's in a name?" Confucius dreamed...........Ya, but at least he was a peacenik the Bard thought not........I'm not so sure about that. He is still the most prolific writer still, dynasties fabricate banter................so true, look at the Bush's crusade into foreign fields.....America? chanting adamant lies, wrapped in libelous banners..............Ah, now you're talking Romeo is still but Romeo named, [and a rose is still a rose].....they never named one after me~! At endgame we weary of editing tombstones and naming names.................the oldest graveyard I was in was in England and Martha's Vineyard. both fascinating places. listen............................I am and I hear you. The sky is breathing birdsong oceans disperse whimperings of fishes and crab. In the last burst of screaming sunset .............Very good I marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh...........................me too! Well, finally I can understand you. Well thought out and well written. Your title does the poem justice. Thanks for letting me read it. HNY.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-12-30 11:45:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow. You are really thinking a great deal about creation and naming these days. I adore the witty tone of the poem. But the ending stanza becomes about poetry and embraces what is made fun of and rounds itself again. Screaming sunset seems a bit loud for this section of the poem but the last few lines are so nice and I love the way this poem moves across the page.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-12-19 20:08:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Rachel, This is powerful...this is beautiful! Your message simply pierces into my thoughts...leaving a lasting impression. They say names are unique to individuals. Before you were born, your name is already written in the book of life. I myself is also fond of creating names (probably because I have a unique name). It is something I’m proud of. It gives me a sense of ownership. And I believe to everyone’s own names too. “At endgame we weary of editing tombstones and naming names” --- I like how you use the word “endgame” here, as if life is a never-ending competition. "listen" --- I like the impact of this one-liner. The pause it brings to the transition is in perfect timing. “The sky is breathing birdsong oceans disperse whimperings of fishes and crab. In the last burst of screaming sunset I marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh” --- Ahhh, the sigh you bring here is unforgettable…super inspiring! --- So much adjectives and images that is eternal! I so much like “sky is breathing birdsong”, “ocean disperse whimperings of fishes and crab”, “screaming sunset” and “marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh”. You have captured that fascinating moment... --- Your words are rich and inescapable...magical and enchanting...magnificent! --- Reading your work made me appreciate “life” and “nature” more than ever Thank you for another splendid and excellent entry. You are really good in this craft! No doubt, this will sure hit the top! Outstanding! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2004-12-18 09:31:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Roni, In you we have a poet, a sculptor of vowels and consanants that understands all too well what all too few wordsmiths fail to grasp. All of our utterings are but onomatopoeia. We speak most fluently when we listen. I love how hand me the world in chalice Roni. - Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-12-16 16:18:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
As always your verse is filled with color and seasoning. This one has a little more seasoning than usual, but it is just as mesmerizing as usual. The ulterior is often blessed by the obvious, and in that stead, the blessing is usually ulterior to the cloistered. “the name’s the thing Confucius dreamed the Bard thought not” – I reread this stanza many times, trying not to miss the meaning of the opening salvo. The admiration for the “dreamer” is obvious, but “the Bard thought naught” seems inconclusive, in fact, it is normally the Bard who interprets the dreams of the “Dreamers” to the world. I guess the closest I can come to understanding the line is that the “Bard” borrows, and has nothing new to add to the “color” of the dream. Those who are “Bards” usually are the author of many more epistles of “truth” than those epistles borrowed from someone else’s “dreams”. Oddly, unless I missed the meaning, I find myself being herded into a net that the “casual” reader would consider wisdom. “dynasties fabricate banter crusade into foreign fields chanting adamant lies, wrapped in libelous banners” – although the cloak of your rant against the present administration is thin at best, your characterization has some validity. However, the “fabricated banter”, “adamant lies”, and “libelous banners” are not the sole impropriety of the “victor” or those who seek “victory”. I think you must have meant this as satire, because you are too intelligent to ascribe these characteristics to only one side of an argument. As a matter of “my own smile” at this stanza, I (knowing it was only my “multi-tasking” of the line), saw your line “crusade into foreign fields” as a larger metaphor for any who undertake to speak truth in a political forum. “Romeo is still but Romeo named, [and a rose is still a rose]” – A sweet scented piece of satire, and the romance of the moment remains with the object of that romance, and juxtaposed, the hatred of the opposition remains, no matter the “title” held. “At endgame we weary of editing tombstones and naming names” – Ah, I am with you, the lost, and for what? The calling we may not stand together on, but the loss recalls to me one of my favorite Thomas Payne quotes, These are times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. And in this, whether the volunteer, or the detractor, we “listen”. The sky is breathing birdsong oceans disperse whimperings of fishes and crab. In the last burst of screaming sunset I marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh – You finish with the life around us, the eternity of the ocean, the protests of the fishes and crabs, and the last burst of the sunset like the last gasp of the lost. And in the combined “noise” of “undulating” syllables, that of ocean, time and again reaching shore, you are bound. The nameless being those who give and do not receive the do of their philosophy. And I think, you are not kind enough to your preservation, and your vision of overall profitability. Once again you hit a splendid piece that makes me aware of all the things I hold dear. This is inclusive of your mastery of the craft, that moves me. I appreciate your sharing. Once again, if I missed your “suasions” I apologize, but am grateful for the “color” you granted me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel A Couch On Date: 2004-12-16 01:23:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rachel~ You have a very good poem here. I really like the stanza that begins "at endgame" It seems to tie the tone of the poem to its subject. I think that the one line stanza that says simply "listen" is great. It highlights its importance and gives it the significance of an outright command. You do a good job of using simple language in innovative ways, however I think the line "And a rose is still a rose" is to cliché and detracts from the creativity that exists in the rest of the poem. Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-15 16:49:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Rachel, This is such a thought full poem. I very MUCH enjoy it! I think you wish to be nameless so your free to be. Iike nature... Labels label us. like being boxed. Think how we each individually would communicate without words and labels. It would be a very unusual, unconformed society. Love it! But the masses must be controlled.....right? hugs, Single, white, divoriced, older, female, soc.sec. numbered xxxxx living in ...zip...named Dellena

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!