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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-12-14 21:58:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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verse 67 (Jellyfish)

With parachute on Slowly the man-of-war falls Into the abyss

Additional Notes:
Super thanks to Marilyn, Mell and Brenda!

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-07 16:30:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88000
It sure does look like a parachute doesn't it? Well done. Your're the Master of this method. Thanks Erzahl.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-06 23:49:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Very nice and cute and simple and oceanic and natural Erzahl. I love reading your haiku. This one gave me a pretty picture of a free falling sea creature, peacefully descending, bobbing and weaving, to the ocean floor in search of nothing but continual existence. Thanks for sharing your creative works. Keep on keeping on. Latorial

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-01-03 14:17:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.18750
You know I usually like to answer your haikus with one of my own but this is one I want to just sit back and appreciate, Thanks for an excellent read.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-12-30 11:42:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear E, I am so happy you are still writing haiku. I love your calling of the jellyfish by its other name that makes this poem not only about nature but about man. Bravo!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-12-17 17:24:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90909
Erzahl, Very visual, very good! I think we all fall into the abyss....... some with parachutes/most without! Thanks for a preview trip, into the vastness. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-12-16 21:30:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl--Being from Florida and going to the beach often, we kids were always told to watch out for the "Jellyfish" bescause they could give you a nasty sting. I've always found them to be unique creatures. Your Japanese verse has just added to my fascination with this particular 'fish:' "...slowly the man-of-war falls into the abyss," instead of sinks or floats. This simple verbiage creates a vivid imagery which seem to inference a distress or worst, while leaving this reader wondering if it will resurface. Thanks for sharing this picturesque ocean scene. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-12-15 16:45:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Erzahl, I know you are speaking of 'man-of-war' the jellyfish with his umbrella like hood above him that cannot save him from sinking into the abyss. But then my brain seemed to light its own fire and began to think how easily we could compare these words to the men that are fighting in this war as we speak. They have armor and protective jackets (I think) which could serve like the man-of-war parachute...but they still get shot and fall into the abyss and in some cases oblivion. Good metaphore..don't you think? Sorry...I don't mean to tinker with your haiku as it is just as masterful as the others you have written but when I read it the second time it was like I was hit by a lightening bolt and now I am having trouble picturing your jellyfish as just a fish. To me it somehow is much more than that in the most profound way. Oh, Erzahl I am getting feeble minded in my old age...so just ignore me! I love your work...somehow it always makes me think and actually does light a fire within. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-12-15 10:07:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl, what immediately caught me is the juxtaposition of the actual with the apparent. “Parachute” is an inaccurate, but apt description of the form of the jelly fish. It is functionally inaccurate, but visually apt. It immediately interested me, and I looked and wondered if you meant a metaphor involving the “form” of the jellyfish, and how it’s “umbrella” if you will prevent predators by its defenses contained in the “parachute”. Splendid line!! Slowly the man-of-war falls – I can see the beautiful, dangerous man-o-war falling, sinking deeper after its flirt with the sun. From the “height” of warmth, to other places that only the residents know. Into the abyss – here, the depth of the ocean, the cold, the pressure, seems forbidding, and the man-of-war never enters it unless it is eaten by a sea turtle or dies and its bladder deflates. There is a certain ambiance about this verse, and a dualism, in that the man-of-war is named for its resemblance to Portuguese Battleships, and of course, within that analogy, the death of a ship lends it to sink into the darkness of the abyss. Both the “Physalia physalis” and the Ship are surface dwellers who have an unspoken fear of the depths, if indeed they could fear. Oddly for the “colony”, the parachute will never cease the descent.

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