This Poem was Submitted By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2005-01-02 11:41:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Where's a frog when you need one!
I’m not much of a princess.
Beneath a winter white mattress,
Beneath my back
As memory serves,
Lie golden pea-pebbled pearls
Of chamomile,
Their golden heads compressed by time
And the weight of angels,
the shadows of which
Dark ray the remnants
Revealing nothing
but a stirred and sculpted
Memory.
I can’t feel them;
their nubby yellowness
Strung upon strings
that grace the grounds,
the eyes of mind,
to bleach beneath their bath
in frozen compression.
Still
I ache to ache
with sensory pain,
to evidence my living
and my possibilities.
Oh for a frog
To test my hypothesis
And my faith.
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Copyright © January 2005 Lynda G Smith
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-02-07 23:19:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lynda,
I was very intrigued by the title of this poem, and for some reason I expected the poem to be a humorous one. I was surprised to find a serious and serene poem instead, and I truly enjoyed it.
You speak calmly about the would be princess and pearls that lie beneath her hidden.
The format of this poem is perfect, as the short lines cause for a smooth reading from one line and thought to the next.
I’m not much of a princess. (Very important to begin the poem telling the reader exactly what's on your mind, and it's also in direct relation to the title; good connection)
Beneath a winter white mattress,
Beneath my back (the alliterative w's and the repetition of the word "beneath" have a very poetic effect here, and although you tell a story, it comes out naturally and very attractively leading the reader into the heart of this poem)
As memory serves,
Lie golden pea-pebbled pearls (these pearls part in the poem is very mysterious. you say "if memory serves..." that would suggest that you haven't seen them in a while, that perhaps they were put there after some memorable experience that didn't turn out to be as memorable as you would have hoped it to be. I think this whole idea of the pearls of a once or would be princess is not only mysterious, but it causes the reader to really wonder what happened. You have been dormant, and these pearls in hiding mark the time for you)
And the weight of angels, (the pearls are held down by the weight of angels; this suggests that perhaps you have given up your title as princess for some other means, a good one, angels (could this mean chldren? perhaps or some other duty/calling in life?)
the shadows of which (the shadows may suggest death, or the death of these angels you speak of; I'm not sure)
that grace the grounds,
the eyes of mind,
to bleach beneath their bath
in frozen compression.
These lines go on to describe the pearls, and since you do it in great depth; it shows that they are hidden or beneath the mattress for a strong reason.
Still
I ache to ache
with sensory pain,
to evidence my living
and my possibilities.
This is the turning point in the poem for me, where the truth comes out. You miss the love you once knew, the feelings you felt while in love, and your body, your soul and spirit "ache to ache" with those feelings again. Apparently, something happened to this princess and she put away her pearls, never to love again. And all she really needs right now, well maybe, is a frog . . . to validate her being.
Oh for a frog
To test my hypothesis
And my faith.
This is very unique, and I love the way you bring this all together. A frog to test your hypothesis and your faith. This last statement invokes so many thoughts in me. I think of little girls believing in themselves and believing that they are beautiful and loved and deserving, and I see the speaker or the princess in the poem needing to feel like a princess again, needing a frog to validate that she is.
What an awesome idea to put into works, and you have brought it together in such a clever way Lynda.
Great job. I enjoyed reading this one.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-02-05 19:20:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lynda:
Your poem finally eased itself into # 1 on my list of poems to
critique. I think your poems are grabbed the minute they are posted as I (almost) never see your poetry until contest time.
Your title is beguiling and raises the curiosity level of anyone
sensate. Your 1st line helps greatly...yes, yes, this is "once
upon a mattress", the fairy tale of a real princess recognizing
a pea under thousands of mattresses and pillows, etc,etc.
I did not know they were beads of chamomile which are "pea-pebbled
pearls." Great imagination and word choice. And your gifted writing...
"...And the weight of angels,
the shadows of which
dark ray the remnants
reveaking nothing
but a stirred and sculpted
Memory."
I'm aware merely by reading your poems that you carefully choose
each word but in line 24, did you consider "evince" in lieu of evidence?
It's a nit so cast it to the winds should you so choose...it came to mind
each time I read that line.
In accord with the fairy tale, your ending is perfect. A frog is obviously
needed to kiss and become her gogeous prince, said event restoring her faith,
and proving the hypothesis you were testing, not overtly sharing same with reader.
Please excuse the brevity of my review for I have enjoyed your poem word by word,
proving once again you are an accomplished poet. However, when the pain meds
effects begin to wane, I must lie down before I'm at the agony level.
Kudos for this unusual and unique poem.
Best always,
Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-01-31 06:54:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Well written , good structure, humorous, could be made into book form....You used, "the weight of angels"...so original, perfect description.. "Strung upon strings grace the grounds, the eyes of mind, to bleach beneath their bath" great flow, the flare of your pen brings forth much in images......
"I ache to ache with sensory pain, to evidence my living and my possibilities." it is always good to feel and know you are alive even if pain and sorrow are present......enjoyed the read poet and I thank you for posting and sharing your talent.....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kelly Denise LaBeff On Date: 2005-01-31 05:35:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96296
Poet Smith, Who needs a frog when they've got as much wit as you? This is a very well written, crafted verse that uses so many poetic forces I don't where to begin with my thoughts or praise for it! Humorous, you would definitely have to give humor a mark of credit if this were ever written in a book! You used, "the weight of angels"...now how original, unique, great use of language, perfect description...well well said! In these lines, "Strung upon strings
grace the grounds,
the eyes of mind,
to bleach beneath their bath"
I love its ebb and flow, the alliteration used within not only for its effect of sound, but also used to personify the very essence of a princess' unforsakeable identity...
Within these lines
"I ache to ache
with sensory pain,
to evidence my living
and my possibilities."
I love the fact that you drew your readers inside of you, ache to ache, making them feel and experience with you, instead of just knowing, reading, or listening to you....you pulled your readers, using this technique of writing...well if no one else, you pulled me in, anyway,
I absolutely love your ending, but find myself pondering furthermore, "hypothesis/faith":
what is sought here: Where can my prince be, are there any left, or am I even a princess at all? I really loved reading this, it was fun to read,,,,for a change, it was witty, clever, full of humor, great language, smmmmooothh rhythm, continuous thought that didn't stray,,,unique subject material. Overall: GREAT! Thanks much-much-much for sharing, Kelly
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-01-27 08:56:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a charming and image rich poem - ironic from its title to its toes
I’m not much of a princess.
Beneath a winter white mattress,
Beneath my back
As memory serves,
Lie golden pea-pebbled pearls
Of chamomile,
lovely sounds and an intro that drags us into the heart of the piece
Their golden heads compressed by time
And the weight of angels, [great great allusion]
the shadows of "which" [the pearls or the angels - if it is angels it would be "whose"
but also leads me into speculating about whether or not angels have shadows and how
wonderful the shadows would be if they did - and gives me an idea for a different kind of poem
Dark ray the remnants
Revealing nothing
but a stirred and sculpted
Memory. [ wonderful]
I can’t feel them;
their nubby yellowness
Strung upon strings [little yellow marionettes -cool!}
that grace the grounds,
the eyes of mind, [a little overdone a phrase]
to bleach beneath their bath
in frozen compression. [neat]
Still
I ache to ache
with sensory pain,
[this couplet alone in terms of sound would be its own great little poem
but in terms of meaning - isn't all pain in some sense - sensory - even psychic pain?
to evidence my living
and my possibilities.
Oh for a frog
To test my hypothesis
And my faith.
Oh let it be the right frog though~ charming ending to a wonderfully original piece.
Lynda, you continue to amaze me.
Best
Rach
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-01-24 18:01:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lynda:
I may have my Brother's Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson tales conflated, but
I'm thinking of two separate stories when I read your poem: "The Frog Prince"
and "The Princess and the Pea." In any event, they are from the same era and
the fairy tale allusion works well. The title is 'light-hearted' in contrast
to the poem's tone, in which the speaker seems suspended in a kind of limbo
or emotional paralysis. It is 'dark' (my favorite tone) and it also contains
many images which stir resonance for this reader.
Would it work for your vision of this piece to omit one 'beneath' -- thus:
I’m not much of a princess,
a winter white mattress beneath my back
Only a thought in passing.
"Of chamomile" This plant is known for its symbolism of 'patience in adversity' I think.
"And the weight of angels" What an interesting thought - of angels' weight.
It feels to me as if the speaker has endured events, likened to "pea-pebbled pearls"
which, along with the symbolism of chamomile, imply suffering. For the oyster suffers
in response to an irritant within its tender tissues by creating layers upon layers
of nacre to form a lustrous pearl. The etymology of 'nacre' is 'mother of pearl'
and also suggests that pearls are tears of the gods. So, long way 'round to say
that the "golden pea-pebbled pearls of chamomile" which, though the remnants are
dark rayed by the shadows of angels, reveal "nothing" ... but a "stirred and sculpted
Memory." Since memory is capitalized, it strikes this reader as having particular
significance to the speaker. It may stand for individual and events in the speaker's
life, while no longer consciously causing pain, have a kind of cumulative effect, which
the speaker senses but cannot feel or identify. "I can’t feel them; their nubby yellowness
Strung upon strings that grace the grounds, the eyes of mind, to bleach beneath their bath
in frozen compression." The contents of mind, which are inaccessible, but form a nebulous
sort of irritant. Like the 'nutcracker esophagus' which clamps down upon bites of food
to give the eater the sensation of a heart attack, in response to emotions. If only
the owner of the 'nutcracker' could 'crack the code' of the emotions and FEEL them,
be rid of the unnecessary ones, act upon the useful ones, and be free to swallow
the meaning of that one's life. I think the following lines are the most profound
for this reader:
Still
I ache to ache
with sensory pain,
to evidence my living
and my possibilities.
Yes! To ache is to feel alive, to have something which needs resolution which can be
addressed. Something concrete instead of something vaguely disquieting.
Oh for a frog
To test my hypothesis
And my faith.
Saved my favorites for last! The kiss of the frog could perhaps resolve the inability
to feel; it the frog becomes a prince, the speaker's hypothesis has resulted in a
defining outcome. The act of kissing the frog would require great faith - for if he
remained a frog, then the whole endurance would seem to be in vain. The golden pearls
would remain frozen in compression. I do think that the riddle to most things is
solved by the ability to love and receive it. (I, too, look for those frogs, but mine
are of the earth earthy, and I would be horrified, indeed, if they became princes
when I kissed them.)
Wonderful poem! Great good fortune on your quest - wherever it may lead you.
Brava!
My best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-13 18:04:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a poem darkly. A poem that needs some sunlight and fresh air. Is this a fairy tale or
reality? I don't know but probably a mix of both. One waits for the sun of summer to grow the other
needs a frog! Is there a comparison here? Anyway, I wonder about the last line. Is it necessary?
Rrrrrbit! Thanks for this bit of melancholy mixed with humour.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2005-01-07 14:03:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The persona of this poem intrigues me. You mix the princess and the pea story with the Frog Prince tale.
So, the question of the poem is what does it mean to be a princess? Do you have the power to feel the pea or to turn a frog into a man?
And there seems a wish for proof here with the lines
ache to ache
with sensory pain,
to evidence my living
and my possibilities
And hints that the speaker was once a princess. There is a memory of that. All of this being metaphoric, of course. So, is a princess simply those who deserve love? And really who doesn't?
My favorite line in the poem is about the weight of angels.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2005-01-06 12:01:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hypotheses are always in need of experimentation to test and science demands the ablilty to prove wrong and be repeatable, yet fairy tales demand happy endings for chamomile princesses but all is for not without that elusive amphibian. Yet I would hope faith remains hopeful, Thanks for letting me read and ramble on in comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-01-02 13:34:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Lynda, thank you very much. You began my new year on TPL with a verse that is warm, natural and philosophical. There is the moment of natural prescience, and the faith of internal interpretation. I wonder, after reading this verse if there will ever be such a simple test of one’s faith. Maybe, in the metaphor, we are all the frog!!
Where's a frog when you need one! – An earlier girlfriend always gave me a “frog” as the symbolism of being kissed. The “frog” became a private communication of endearment. She originally chose that vehicle because of the story you reference, of frog and Princess/Prince. It still is endearing to me to this very day, years later.
I’m not much of a princess.
Beneath a winter white mattress, - I like the mixed metaphor of the Prince/Frog illustration and the “Princess and the Pea”. It reinforces you entire analogy of the faith within the “ugly duckling” if you will.
Beneath my back
As memory serves, - One has to have a certain faith to make it through winter. Surely, if you have survived one, you know that spring will come again, but there remains the nuance of the moment that requires you believe it will occur again. “As memory serves”, there is the faith. Many things don’t have the providence of a prequel.
Lie golden pea-pebbled pearls
Of chamomile, - I would have to presume your choice of chamomile is a combination of the scent of the flower in summer, the seeds it is produced from, and the yellow/white flowers that the ground cover has. Otherwise, it may just be that chamomile is common in your area. Indeed, however, where chamomile is common, the frog would recall the seeds fallen from last summer, that, as before, await the warming of the soil.
Their golden heads compressed by time – The flower falls and becomes part of the cycle, that cycle, which as in life, is compressed to the past as time moves forward. The past is finite, one never knows if the future will be as well, by comparison, the past is compressed. A wonderful metaphor.
And the weight of angels,
the shadows of which
Dark ray the remnants
Revealing (reveal) nothing
but a stirred and sculpted
Memory. – I found this fascinating, the “weight” of angels, an allusion to the “protective” service they must bear, leaving “shadows” of the service once granted. The memory, like statues recall the past service/spring/life as a frozen/unassailable “remnant” that may, or may not, depending on the extent of our faith, foretell that once again spring/redemption will come. Splendid!!
I can’t feel them;
their nubby yellowness
Strung upon strings
that grace the grounds, There is a coldness that comes when faith wanes or is tested, as the winter, it numbs the senses/spirit, to the point that the existence of the object of faith is questioned. I particularly liked you use of the word “grace” for the ground. Chamomile, certainly by its appearance, its ground cover, its scent, and its medicinal uses, definitely graces the ground, as faith presumes that life will granted the grace of faith to be. Excellent.
the eyes of mind, - I see “mind” but feel “soul”, and it is due to the coupling of “eyes” and “mind” together. That indeed, is the essence of spirit/soul to life.
to bleach beneath their bath
in frozen compression. – Your use of bath parallels baptism. By using bath here, or submersion if you will, you compare the passing through winter with the rebirth that baptism symbolizes. Once again there is the compression of life, that life before being finite, that life after being unknown/eternal, as faith allows.
Still
I ache to ache
with sensory pain, - there is the “sensory” pain, you use this as an almost metaphysical term to offset the “numbness” of winter. This pain is as real as “real” pain, but comes from a deeper fount, one that only faith can remedy.
to evidence my living
and my possibilities. – I have often passed this pinnacle, and in the passing wonder if the monument, of past faith and accomplishment, or the remedy for what remains, will truly make the impact that I feel life should make for all. “My possibilities”, is a poignant and truthful picture.
Oh for a frog
To test my hypothesis
And my faith. – We are back to the frog, waiting spring. The hypothesis of faith always presumes a remedy of action, but there are faith objects that may not become known, till faith comes to fruition. That frog, don’t we all wish for him, and the remedy of our faith.
EXCELLENT verse, and I needed and appreciated the message. Thank you so much Lynda.
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