This Poem was Submitted By: John Dean On Date: 2005-03-07 06:07:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Damn

Damn this page that stares and mocks Blank paper lies like ghostly skin This pen a knife that hovers still  This ink like blood so deathly thin Damn this chair that holds me here Immobile in a frozen dream This room that fills with restless thoughts With silence like a silent scream Damn this melancholic moon Reflecting old words gone and lost A face that once returned my smile Accusing now, a hostile host Damn this earth for fighting back Reclaiming her entitled share Of lives, a payment now in kind Her dues to question if we dare Damn me and damn this stronger force That brings the paper back to life With words that write themselves in blood No need for pen or ink or knife

Copyright © March 2005 John Dean


This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-23 17:27:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Oh really good insight into the frailities of the poet/writer. Who has not faced this test? If they haven't can they still be called writers? Your title is short yet drew me into the piece without hesitation. It reads very well with good structure and rhyme. It is basically self explanitory. I truly enjoyed this piece and can offer no good suggestion. Thanks.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-20 11:45:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Oh John, what rhythm, and rhyming, and near rhymn, the cadence (flow just moves so smoothly from line to line, keeping the message (intent) of the poem, your pen, unnecessary for it's as if poems can write themselves, while the poet is held captive knowing that he/she wants to write, yet persistent objects you site are written with a strength and projection that is unbelievable. I really admire this poem, it's application to all who presue writing, Damn a title well exclaminatory in it's own right, and this poem penned by a true poet. Wonderful job, like I said heck of an applicable title, congratulations on a poem well penned....Best always, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-03-18 00:19:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
John, Damn fine writing. I'm just getting the critique machinery out of the barn so to speak. Noticing this poem earlier in the month (it kind of jumps out at you), I’m finally ready to address it. Right damn, now. LOL Ok, ok, I'll stop the damn joking around. Mechanically, the five stanzas are well written with noticeable emphasis on the word "damn" that drives the poem all the way to it's conclusion. The rhyme is well constructed, and being consistent with good rhyming poems, is only noticeable in how it adds to the work rather than being a distraction. I don't have time for rhyming works that "stretch" the senses in an attempt to connect lines. Damn this page that stares and mocks Blank paper lies like ghostly skin This pen a knife that hovers still This ink like blood so deathly thin The first line of this first stanza feels like writer's block rage. I've had that problem a few times myself. I enjoy the comparison or simile in the second line, of "blank paper" to "ghostly skin". Nice. Followed by "ink like blood", I like that a lot. Damn this chair that holds me here Immobile in a frozen dream This room that fills with restless thoughts With silence like a silent scream Yes, stuck to the chair staring at the blank page with a mind full of thoughts in the quiet, screaming "silent" room. Nice use of alliteration. Damn this melancholic moon Reflecting old words gone and lost A face that once returned my smile Accusing now, a hostile host In this third stanza I get a sense of time by mental reflection. The writer remembering lost words and ideas that use to come easy in the moonlight. Now the moon has become "accusing" by association, almost mockingly so. The writer's frustration is not lessening. But wait, the poem within the poem, the poem not written is coming. Damn this earth for fighting back Reclaiming her entitled share Of lives, a payment now in kind Her dues to question if we dare Bam! Wow! "Dam this earth for fighting back", taking "lives" as payment. "Dare" we question this. Are we questioning death here? Is it possible that you are commenting on the fact that it doesn't matter what goes down on the page, the end result for the writer and everybody is the ground anyway? Is there a sense of despair as well as anger in this poem? I'm getting that as a reader, but have no idea as to your intent. I say question death and anyone who calls themselves "savior". LOL This is way off the subject, but a friend of mine just called Jesus a serial killer in one of his poems. I had to laugh. Sorry. Thank you for your patience. Damn me and damn this stronger force That brings the paper back to life With words that write themselves in blood No need for pen or ink or knife The last stanza is interesting in that a "stronger force", "brings the paper back to life" What is this stronger force that gives us will, even though, as you said, the earth will claim us. How can we live on, work on in the face of this possible despair. What is it? Dammed if I know. The last two lines of the last stanza really stand out for me and I think are genius. With words that write themselves in blood No need for pen or ink or knife Our "words that write themselves in blood", because each breath we take, takes toward the promise of earth, hence, the act of living is the real "blood" poetry. So damn the paper, pencils and chair. Hmm, I've had fun reading your poem John, and couldn't agree more, even if I'm agreeing with my own interpretation and not your intent. I can't help that. As a reader all I have to bring to the table is my set of experiences. There will be the synthesis. I can only thank you for writing and giving me the opportunity to gain from it. Thanks again, Troy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-10 00:27:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Excellent rhyming and structure with good word flow poet......full of the emotion containing enough temsion between the soul and one's personal ego perhaps.....Damn is a good powerful title for this piece, the repetition of the word Damn allows for the emotions to flow.....and flow they do. Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-03-09 12:45:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
John--Welcome! Don't recall seeing your name or poetry, but I am getting senile- smile. This is great stuff! Interesting title and my favorite genre-rime (with dark humor). Written like a true frustrated/muse deserted scribe. Anyone who has ever attempted to write anything for any length of time has hit the wall (writers block). What I'm infering is that you've posted this at the right place, since we at TPL can all identify with your plight. I have no problem with the repeat of "Damn." IMO, the use here is not useless profanity, but an emphatic statement of the tenuous undertak- ing of poetical pursuits. This is not just another excellent "ars poetica," this one is much better. Forgive me if I got lost following your effort, but I did so enjoy the trip. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2005-03-08 20:57:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Excellent rhyming and tibre here. It's a vibrant poem, full of the emotion and tension between soul and ego as well as the constant constrictions of trying to describe the indescribable, which is every poet's curse. Well done. REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2005-03-08 14:51:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ah! Writing is almost always such a painful...bloody...process as you so aptly show in this piece. The ache of authorship is really felt as one reads. Poetic imagery usually refers to the pictures of reality evoked by the poet's words but the imagery here paints an almost surreal picture of the imagination. Very nice! Sean
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-08 09:01:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I really like the flow of your piece, and the strength of atmosphere. I would imagine all who write would relate to your words and ideas within. The placement of the continous word "DAMN" at the beginning of your stanzas adds much strength and demands attention to each of your seperate thoughts and in the end the summary of them. I like the title "damn", I have been critized for doing that, including the title or having the title the same as wordage in the poem, but I think it is very effective. You have powerful images in this write, ex: "Blank paper lies like ghostly skin This pen a knife that hovers still", though your word choices and descriptives I can see you there in that chair very clearly indeed and feel the anguish. Excellent piece of writing, thanks for sharing your insite...
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