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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-08 17:23:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Captive Bird

When I'm alone and silence reigns I imagine you quietly call my name I bow my head and veil my eyes to quell the silent river cries I hear hollow echoes of grief when will I wander to relief? Clamor of whist in turbid air my being trembles with despair Like the beating heart of a captive bird who yearns in vain to fly skyward.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-31 12:37:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78261
Marilyn, there is a song within this poem that resounds long after the reading. It is a spiritual piece that all must make a decision about, concerning themselves. I cannot say which cage is my cage, sometimes I vacillate, but usually there seems to be parameters of good and bad karma. A Captive Bird – Immediately we think, this bird, how is it held captive. If one is perceptive, you immediately look to the human spirit. When I'm alone and silence reigns I imagine you quietly call my name – A mystery begins to unfold, why is the room silent, (usually self imposed), unless silence means all noise without a particular person. We, together, imagine the calling of our name, by the other, who is no longer with us. I bow my head and veil my eyes to quell the silent river cries – Beautiful verse and rhyme – within the mystery, there is sadness associated with the missing person, missing noise, missing… and we know this will not be simply a “love lost” allegory. I hear hollow echoes of grief when will I wander to relief? – In my past, I have too many recollections of this condition, to the point that it became a friend, a feeling that was familiar enough to be associated with “fondness”. You describe it well. Clamor of whist in turbid air my being trembles with despair – Marilyn, there is a lyrical quality to this sadness, of “turbid air” and “despair”, and as I wish to carry for the sufferer, I know, inwardly, it is carried only by the soul that desires. Like the beating heart of a captive bird who yearns in vain to fly skyward. – The bird, yearning to be free, free of torment, free to create, free to fly, free to … the free spirit, no matter the loss, or maybe the transformation of loss into a spiritual inspiriation of flight. Marilyn, a wonderfully, lyrical piece. I hope it is memory of such pain that inspires. If you dwell now in such, I empathize with you, for I am familiar with loss. Reminds me of a bible Prophecy about Christ: Isaiah 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-03-23 11:26:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Marilyn, when quiet and "silence reigns", what wondrous music is heard. This is a personal write, and the solice requested shines throughout. The construction and verbiage are clear and straight forward, moving the reader along with unforced rhyme and touching that need for "relief" of situation with clarity. Always enjoy your posts. Thanks for this one, Peace, Paul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2005-03-17 21:24:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn, What a wonderful depiction of grief due to loss. We do imagine those we once loved in silent moments and imagine they still call to us, even when they don't. This feeling is, I think, a wish or perhaps a projection of our own feelings. We cry silently over our losses and wonder when the pain will end, hoping one day to be free. Nice poem. Take care, Ed Krizek

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-03-11 00:38:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
marilyn, You know what? It's good to know that he loves you. And I bet he's beside himself to see you upset. I go crazy when I see my wife upset or sad. I automatically blame myself to the point that she yells at me to "quit it!" LOL You have to hold onto that love and know and believe it's there even in the quiet times. Even when it's hard. Even though it's somehow unfair you do it for yourself and for him. I remeber the tragedy of my brother's divorce. His wife found the grass to be greener on the other side of the fence so to speak. When he told her loved her, she told him that love was not enough. I'm haunted by those words. I talked to him every other night for a year. He would hear her footsteps and her voice even though she wasn't there. And she wasn't then. I can imagine that your loss is infinitely harder. Love is what makes us cry and keeps us from crying. It's beautiful. Love. marilyn, your poetry and metaphor communicates your feelings of loss and sadness almost to the point of tears. It's heartfelt for this reader. And when it's your time to fly--fly high. Take care, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-03-10 12:09:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn--A simple but poignant title which is followed by five melancholic rhyming couplets, lamenting painfully and poetically the missing of a significant other. Heartwrenching oxymoronic phrases causes reader to emote over verbiage use (2nd line of 2nd couplet; 1st lines of 3rd and 4th couplets); "I bow my head and veil my eyes to quell the silent river cries I hear hollow echoes of grief when will I wander to relief? Clamor of whist in turbid air my being trembles with despair" The analogy of "A Captive Bird" for title/theme and ending stanza provides the ultimate emphatic sentiments for this stupendous effort; "Like the beating heart of a captive bird who yearns in vain to fly skyward." IMO, a well limned genuine on-going cathartic saga which serves to pacify protagonist for short spells and give some respite from grieving. Sorry for any misstatements. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-10 11:54:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, Rhyme, rhythm and what a great flowing cadence, your end rhyme placement is xcellent. Like a bird aching to be free from emotional hurt, but realizies the improbabability. Wow, hear rendering,, maybe with more then a touch of reality, a life experience expressed in wonderful poetic form. Many times when a special day, or something that reminds me of Bernie, I feel this way also, never a relief, and it's a way of emotional hurt, noone can really identify with. I love the way you use a metaphor in the bird, for circumstance, to take place of the persona that's emotional in turmoil. Sentiment, shows throuout the poem, and as I said heart rendering....wonderful encounter. Best always, Love, Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-09 15:44:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Can you hear silence in the cold night air? While your being trembles with despair? I get from this that you feel captive. You feel like a tiny bird that's afraid to fly (metaphorically speaking). Do you feel captive to old ways? Are you afraid to let it all go? To let it all hang out? Do you feel too comfortable? You will "wander to relief" when you learn to "just give up." What do you mean by that Arnie? You just got to give up the old ways 'cause they ain't working babe! Thanks for letting me explore your mind.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-09 08:07:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Poet to me this is beautiful and so filled with the love you still carry within your heart .......the yearning to be together again to hear your name silently being called out as if he is there by your side, which he is my friend, never having left you for very long.........I hear mama calling my name over and over again, at times it is so real I answer her in my sleep rising from my bed going to her room to see what she needs knowing in my heart she is already in heaven watching over me..........tears are so good to refresh your aching heart and soul........tears of sadness perhaps mixed in with tears of joy and fond memories of years spent together.........never let them go....always hold tight for they will sustain you in your remaining journey through life......when will I wander to relief? well poet you and I both know in our hearts you will find relief when He is ready to welcome you home as well and till then you shall be just fine....love the reference to the Captive Bird my friend.....indeed they yearn to be free and to fly skyward knowing the heavens are there......and so shall we be someday......till then I just say this is a beautiful read....thank you for posting this most difficult piece for it is a most definite part of you and your life.....God Bless, Claire Hope I did not over step on this one.......I did get carried away ......

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-03-09 07:28:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is a lovely poem Marilyn. You've accomplished rhyming without it feeling forced. As to the subject matter, it's heartwrenching. Perhaps it is not your imagination when you hear your name called. Thanks for allowing us to read this.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2005-03-08 20:55:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Plaintive is the word I think of most here. I felt this way before I devoted myself to the spiritual life- and it was only then I saw it was myself holding down myself. My hopes spring as eternal for this poet's object (themselves?) as they do for myself and everyone. Good luck to you- right next to that beating heart lay your hope. REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-08 19:21:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
So beautifully penned, and I can feel the yearning and soft urgency in this write...love the comparison, so fitting to your subject.Your poem reads very fluently and light, and I love the rhyming couplets that you have chosen to use, they are very effective and make the beat of the piece resemble the heartbeat of that frightened captive bird. I also like the repeative "l" sounds throughout, and this also seems to lift the piece. thanks so much for sharing this.

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