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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-11 15:13:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Sea and Me

If I had a sloop I would sail the sea listen to care free wind song chimes and feel the breath of sunshine breeze. Terns would play in tumbling waves and dip their beaks in churning foam. No moonlit shore could beckon me alee. A sea of tranquility would quell my ado even in a storm when waves boil and gray mist spray may slap my brow I'd be Fasinated by her ferocious fury. Serenity will forever swallow the clamor and innocent seabirds will caress her bosom. My yawl may pitch and sway even gulls may yammer and yowl but no roil could dampen my zeal. There would only be my sails, the swells, the sea and me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-03-29 22:33:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
What about me? Can I come please! This poem is so alive, so full of gusto and movement. I can feel the sway and the spray, hear the gulls and rest in the peacefulness as well. I know, if you take me for a ride in your boat I could catch fish for supper and swab the decks when the bite was slow. I could stand at the bow and yell "land ho!" But this isn't about the sea is it? That’s why I have to stay home on this. My interpretation of your poem here is that you are using this seascape as a metaphor for life and everything laid out so perfectly in these three line stanzas symbolizes that for you. Perhaps this is a combination of both? It's ok, I'm not prying or out to solve all the mysteries of the poetic mind here, just spend some time with you, that's all. The Sea and Me I see the title as directly relating to life. The sea serves so well as a metaphor for this because it represents an adventure and it's deep and mysterious and emotional and beautiful and...and we can "feel the breath of sunshine breeze." Life is beautiful and full of sunshine. It is also full of "tumbling waves". You capture this so well in your poem and what's more you respond to it with an attitude of "fascination" willing to meet the challenges and accept it's beauties. Bravo! I'm flying to out to Oregon in 3 weeks and am going to drive the Pacific Coast Highway to Long Beach taking in Redwood National Park, California's northern coast, Big Sur, Santa Barbra and a few drinks in Long Beach before I fly back to Wisconsin. Can't wait. I will think of your poem both literally and symbolically on the way. Thanks for the images Marilyn, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-26 13:07:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68750
Marilyn, I suppose it is no surprise seeing me critique this piece, considering my personal love affair with the sea. So, while I listen to your song, it is a seasoned sailor sailing with you!! The Sea and Me – I should have written a piece with this title, excellent, and personal!! If I had a sloop I would sail the sea – I wonder if you chose “sloop” for its poetic feel in the verse, or because of its individual versatility among small boats. The sloop, of course, is a basic, simple sailing boat with a single mast. Although the larger the sloop, the more cumbersome, for a single or dual sailors, it is easy to manipulate up wind and down, particularly if you add a short spinnaker to assist the port/starboard movements. the perfect small boat for the sailor through life. listen to care free wind song chimes and feel the breath of sunshine breeze. – Marilyn, can I stop, and check to see if I am in heaven? That is where you have taken me, the salt air, ah she is my love, she woos me. Terns would play in tumbling waves and dip their beaks in churning foam. – The churning, even of a wind driven boat always dazes and sets atop the sea, small sea creatures like crabs and shrimp. I have found it amazing, that at times, a hundred miles from shore, there are still the feeders, somehow escorting the sailor to sea. No moonlit shore could beckon me alee. – Yes!! You speak of moonlit shore, but across the water, the moonlit sea sings songs never known by landlubbers. Sweet river, run to the sea! A sea of tranquility would quell my ado even in a storm when waves boil and gray mist spray may slap my brow I'd be Fasinated (Fascinated) by her ferocious fury. – Nice change in the rhyme structure, and as for the tenets, I have come to share with the “fury” and know her love for the boarder. Not always can one appreciate the candor of the ocean, but if one did, the ferocity contains an innate strain of beauty seen no place else. Serenity will forever swallow the clamor and innocent seabirds will caress her bosom. – you cause me to pause, and absorb the oceans serenity, after one has seen the rambunctiousness of the ocean, to see the pure glass of the next day is breathtaking. I can hear the call of the seabirds in my dreams. My yawl may pitch and sway even gulls may yammer and yowl but no roil could dampen my zeal. – And you are correct, like a baby in the treetops, rocking, the roil, the pitch, are lullabies to the sailor, without which, no song would ever have a melody!! Excellent. There would only be my sails, the swells, the sea and me. – I am with you, we have sailed together, and there is nothing more intimate than that!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-03-23 07:47:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Marilyn, This poem demonstrates all the characteristics of the power of the sea, yet it creates of the tranquility one preceives in partaking of the peace, put in a sloop one would feel the power, laid ack and unafraid one would enjoy the calming effect the sea will have on the spirit and soul of the individuality. You didn't go for rhyming sequences but you achieve all the nuances of sensation, thought, and eaisly you brought the reader along, enjoying the sensation and experiece, so you achieved your goal with this poem. I enjoyed rading, thinking and feeling in rememerance of the feeling the sea brings into me, so I think your approach was more then majestic, it was absolutely fanacating, and I thank you for all the experiences this poem held for me personally, esides your drama, the linguistics and the projection were right on, nice job. Hope you are well always, Love Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-16 09:03:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13636
Poet......it is always a pleasure to find your written word on my list.....the beauty you create, time and time again, and this one certainly does just that.....well structured, great word flow, feelings, emotions, you add it all along with the images created by the flare of your pen......I too, so love the ocean and try to get there af often as I can even with hubby who won't get out of the car...... Seems like Spring is in the air, in different forms, for many of us, the sound of the waves as they roll in over and over again, the gulls as they fly above diving once in awhile for a tasty treat of their own........the vast openess of the space before you as you might just stand in awe of the beauty of the Lord's creation........a yearning to travel to those far away places only the sea may bring you to..... indeed you have captured it well, love the ending too......tells me you enjoy your own company for you are travelling this road alone, my sails, the swells, the sea and me...... Thank you for posting and sharing with us......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-14 20:13:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.83333
The sea and THOU? Well laid out to tell a story of where you'd rather be, and I can't quite blame you. But hey...c'mon my place. There's lots of sea and sail and terns and swells. and feel the breath [a]of sunshine breeze. Fas [c]inated by her ferocious fury. Serenity You've been bobbing too much Marilyn (do you have a knick name?)otherwise you wouldn't miss those corrections. Watch out for the mizzen mast matey! I don't have to wait for spring..it's already here at my house. Thank you.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-12 10:43:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
This is lovely to read, it rolls like the waves you so skillfully write about. Excellent use of alliteration throughout your piece ex'Fasinated by her ferocious fury..and the constand soft "s" sounds that spin through your lines adds to the soft and smoothing effect. This line I especially loved..it just rolls on the tongue when read outloud.."Terns would play in tumbling waves" you show much skill in construction your lines and your word choices. This is full of atmosphere and fresh salt sea air! (0:. Great poem, I really enjoyed it, and thought that your last little stanza works so well..again with the "s" sounds prominate.." There would only be my sails, the swells, the sea and me. makes a great finality to the poem and your thoughts. I could hear the sign in the poets voice..one of contentment.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-03-11 19:15:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Marilyn--Must be spring fever/itch; the taste for salt or that love of large water that inspired this one. Active sailing terminology, apt sea fowl and colorful descriptors saturate this piece of levity. Wish we could make you repeal and or amend your last stanza; "There would only be my sails, the swells, the sea and me." Please forgo the solitary and take us with...TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-03-11 17:20:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: You must know that without a doubt, I'd be attracted to this title like a bird to a worm, a horse to sugar or a cow to hay. <smile> Our poems, as Mell wrote unforgettably in her "Every Poem An Autograph" do tell our stories. How I love the story this one tells! The sea as grand metaphor for a tempestuous, soulful woman who, but for the lack of a sloop, would be onboard and on the sea in a heartbeat. I got the feeling as I read this poem that 'real life' for the poet doesn't actually take place on the "sea of tranquility" and that "serenity" does not yet "swallow the clamor" of her earthly life. Interestingly enough, visitors from Earth first set foot upon the Moon, on the Sea Of Tranquillity. This is a very strong feminine image, as is the sea. If I had a sloop I would sail the sea listen to care free wind song chimes and feel the breath of sunshine breeze. Sibilance times five in S1 above makes for a serendipitous sail. Wonderful rhythm of "If I had a sloop I would sail the sea" along with the long 'e' vowels which lend 'breezy' excitement to the tone. Terns would play in tumbling waves and dip their beaks in churning foam. No moonlit shore could beckon me alee. The poet wouldn't be beckoned away from the sheltered side of the ship, but instead would revel in the play of terns "in tumbling waves. The terns would "drip their beaks in churning foam." Lively verbs suggest unfettered action: "play/tumbling/churning/boil/slap/pitch/sway/yammer/yowl" A sea of tranquility would quell my ado even in a storm when waves boil and gray mist spray may slap my brow I'd be Metaphorically, the poet sails unbothered by danger and chaos. What vessel could take us through such experiences without being caught up in the drama and "ferocious fury" of it all? From when comes the "tranquility/serenity" needed to endure that which may "slap" one's brow? The "If" implies that this is not something natural to the human condition, as we experience life 'up close and extremely personal' and often are overwhelmed by "the clamor" of it all. But the poet speaks of more than emotional resilience, I believe. There is that quality within us granted by the Creator, given in moments of grace so that we may endure all. (Fascinated) by her ferocious fury. Serenity will forever swallow the clamor and innocent seabirds will caress her bosom. My yawl may pitch and sway even gulls may yammer and yowl but no roil could dampen my zeal. It is the sturdiness of the soul, the great imperturbability of one who is at peace within her spirit. Though such qualities are there when needed,they may not be visible or even apparent -- until in the midst of "a storm when waves boil." The unsaid lesson of the poem, for this reader, is that the poet does indeed possess this "sloop" but may not conjure it up on her own. It appears before her, ready for the sea when her "yawl" pitches and sways. Regardless of what others may say, "gulls may yammer and yowl", the poet knows that her strength is within her soul ("my sails") and while alone with her Creator in the midst of it all. "There would only be my sails, the swells, the sea and me." This poem contains a great deal of energy. The poet shows her sense of humor in the gull's who "yammer and yowl" and her ear for music in every stanza. But what I take away from the reader is a joyousness of spirit that never deserts the writer, even in the midst of the storm. Splendid work! I love it! Best always, Joanne

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