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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-31 16:15:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Rain

Gentle April rains fall Showers from somewhere unseen Drops of life for earth

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-04-05 18:53:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
i like this one marilyn. the second line is my favorite; it really suggests some secret, majestic, mysterious life of rain. it actually seems a little out of place between the first and third, as it makes them seem all the more ordinary, unworthy. there is tremendous power and possibility in that line. i hope that you will take it and tell more of its story. charlie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-04 15:20:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: This American-style haiku has so much in it that I am flummoxed, but will attempt to give you my response. There are layers to this, beyond the lovely sonics and astonishing imagery. There is a spiritual depth of understanding and appreciation expressed, without so much as a hint of religiosity. The mystic in me is thrilled, the poet hears your voice, and the one who is parched for hope at times feels gently soothed. We do not know from whence showers really come, you show. Our scientists and meteorologists can tell us about how raindrops are formed around dust particles, and drawn to fall by the law of gravity. But that says nothing about the causation behind the phenomenon of rain. "somewhere unseen" alludes to all that we cannot measure or perceive with our eyes or instruments. It is the grace which falls from heaven, as the gentle rain. As the "drops of life for earth" fall, the element of water is clearly the greater substance of which we and all life on the planet are formed. Larger drops tend to be flattened and broken into smaller drops by rapid fall through the air. Just so are we formed, or re-formed by our precipitation through life. Simply an exquisite poem, Marilyn, with so many layers of meaning beyond its pure beauty. Congratulations on a very fine work! Best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-02 08:24:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42000
As I sit here reading your Haiku (?) on Rain please know it has been falling gently outside the bedroom window most of the early morning and it scheduled to fall till tomorrow afternoon.........if we are fortunate the remaining snow might leave the yard this weekend allowing new life to return to Tully. The usual 5-7-5 is replaced with 6-7-5 in my reading of Rain though if you take away the word falls and make rains..rather then rains......I do believe it would read well and follow into the right beat... April is a time of rain, a time of new life and beginnings. Thank you for posting and sharing with us. God Bless, Claire I prefer sunshine and warmth over rain and damp days though I know we need both to grow.......

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-04-01 21:55:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79310
Marilyn, the theme of your verse, that of sustenance of the spirit, is caught well in your words. I, being a lover of the rain, (In fact, I’ll take a nice rainy day over a sunny one any day), found your piece very comforting, yet comforting as a seer shares with his clan. Rain – One can never approach the truth contained in “rain”, I looked for yours. Gentle April rains fall – You take this piece out of the “form” of strict haiku, yet maintain the spirit therein. In a sense that matches the meanings of your verse. The six syllables in this line balance well with the 7/5 of your last two lines. In fact, it was so well balanced, it seemed a 5/7/5 should sound, unbalance. Showers from somewhere unseen – Here you advance your metaphor, that of rain, yet the causation on the spirit. That the “somewhere unseen” did not create an “alarmist” tone to the line, indicates that the “reasoning” is not solely “watch out”, but more an understanding of the flip side of such a deluge. Drops of life for earth – Rain to the earth/food and water to those “in need”/and life. The symbolism of carnal, spiritual, and regard for the value of life are all merged in this final line. It shows the rain, the other side, and those who have learned to interpret/understand the moral value of them all. A very nice piece Marilyn, glad I came back tonight to look!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-04-01 19:04:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: Nothing would surprise me now when I see your name on a poem. A lyric poem, a haiku, and my personal favorites, your nature poetry. What I mean is that not only have you mastered most forms, your style can now change and we don't know who is writing. Your linguistry has grown more than other areas. You found your voice, dear one, and nothing makes me happier than to see your talent seek its own level. Robert Creeley died 3-30-05. My favorite poem of his is "The Rain". I cried for I felt a light had gone from my life and here is another loss. Ergo, when I saw your "Rain", I felt you had reached out to all who love his poetry and lit candles in our windows. Change April to spring or change gentle to soft but you have one syllable more than five in line one. I love line two for the whispery rain, all the Sssss sounds and line three enriched me as your rain contains drops of life for our planet. Simply lovely, Marilyn. Sorry this is short but I am an hour over my "up" time and feeling the pain. Take care and keep praying, please. Love, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-03-31 22:34:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, this is a soft and lovely haiku. The "l" consonance in L1 has a bubbly, liquid sound. In L2 you shift to that sibilant, whispery "s" as befits the idea of "unseen" sources. It's a misty kind of feeling. There's a touch of wonder that such a blessing (for rain is indeed a blessing, if it's needed and not causing a flood!) should suddenly appear, sometimes almost out of nowhere. One minute it's sunny and the next, the ground's wet - at least that happens up here. We have extremely changeable, and unpredictable, weather. In L3 you remind us of the goodness that rain brings. It feeds the earth and all upon it. It is "life", as water has been life for millennia and as one of the first things God created on the face of the earth. "The deep" and "the waters" are mentioned immediately in Genesis I:2. Most scientists believe that water first generated living creatures, which eventually developed lungs and moved onto land. But our bodies are still largely water and we float in it before we're born. Someone might call you on that sixth syllable in L1 but haiku allows for variations, especially among contemporary writers. In its condensed nature image and closing summation, this piece is decidedly haiku. I love the economy of form and wish I could write more of these little poems, myself, but I never seem to sit down and try! Anyway, nicely done. I hope all's well with you and yours this early spring. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-03-31 20:36:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Marilyn--Just a tad early, but a "seasonal/nature" piece. This Japanese verse (as our haiku master "E" would put it-smile) is a simple scene which conjures up literal images without wasting any of the words. It causes this reader to think and feel, especially lines two and three; "...Showers from somewhere unseen Drops of life for earth" Your post is true to form and authentic: three lines/17 syllables/nature themed/ seasonal. Thanks for sharing this light (but prophetic-smile) effort. Looking forwarded to more of your haiku. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-31 19:47:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52941
Oh I just love this little well constructed write..American Haiku I think..for it doesn't fit the original haiku structure of 5,7,5...this one counts at 6,7,5...and I know that the form isn't as strict..not sure if this is what you have intended, but if not.."soft" would have been a choice you could have made for the first line to make it a beat of 5. "Soft April rains fall"..I love your use of soft "s" sounds in your alliterations in this little beauty. and the use of annonance in your first line with the "a" constant."April rains fall" very nice indeed. "Drops of life for earth" is so true and a wonderful way to end this little piece of poetry..I love short structured poetry forms..and do a lot of haiku, tanka, etc writes myself. Thanks for sharing this little spring write ..I enjoyed it very much...Nancy

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-31 19:40:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32258
Don't believe I've read a haiku from you before. Gentle rains may fall, but here were into monsoon season. Another 4 days forcast. It's enough to make me want to build my ark...but what the heck's a Cubit anyway? Hmm. Showers from somewhere? I alwaysthought it was G-d crying for his children. At least that's what my daddy told me. I think this piece would be better without the title as the purists would say that haiku's need none (title that is). Thanks.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-03-31 18:39:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
Hi Marilyn, March out like a lion, May in like a lamb. Hopefuly gentle. although oregon's running short on water all ready! [which are life giving for sure.] Your Haiku's short and sweet......as is you. No controversy/nor earth changing/just thoughtful. I think I'd not cap anything but the first word. It would read more continuously. [Of course I'm no haiku expert] Nice, Dellena

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