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This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-04-08 04:41:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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For Dead Fathers Who Live

Where have you been All of my life? Held up in another state With four kids and a wife? For years you've been ducking And dodging a secret What I want to know is "How in hell could you keep it?" When I was little I wanted to know your name Now that I'm grown I want you to share the blame Or is it the stain The shame or the pain That causes a grown man To become so lame No matter the reasons They're all just words Lies travel in packs Cowards in herds If I'm angry, disgusted Or just a little pissed Just add it all up It equals being dismissed Disregarded, discarded Left to find my own way Lies, lies and more lies Haunt me everyday When I come to myself Every trace of you Burns within my skin Rendering lies true Where have you been All of my life? I've been through hell unloading this strife Even if I live Even if you die A question remains That no one explains . . . "Why?"

Additional Notes:
(for too many fatherless children)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2005-05-03 16:21:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
This one cuts no corners Latorial! It is a very confrontational piece that probably fits more scenarios than we could guesstimate, and it seems as if you've been touched by this in a personal way too. If not, you present the turmoil one would feel very well indeed. There's not a stitch of editing needed in my opinion as it is worded the way one would think, or rather as boldly as one would hope to be able to express themselves especially to the dead beat father, without concern for how this man will accept it. It even ends with a simple last demand - why? Curious about why you used question marks in every question except the 4th stanza though...? Maybe that one was just overlooked and not intended. The most effective verses are "lies travel in packs and cowards in herds". This one is the pivotal stanza, focusing on him afterwhich, you revert to your own feelings in the last ones, covering all the bases one could to attempt to justify such hurt and pain. The timing moves perfectly in this piece. I know this is off the wall, but this would make a heck of of great "rap" song! Thanks Latorial Cheerz, Terrye

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-28 19:26:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
This piece screams raw emotion of abandonment and hurt. I have worked with many teens abandoned by a parent and the effects on their soul, trust in humanity and relationships can be devistating. It captured my attention the whole way through. It seems to me you have a raw talent - keep writting and you will go far. A suggestion would be to change 'even if I live, even if you die' to 'if I die or if you live' I think it might make for a more dramatic flowing ending. thanks for sharing, Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-04-26 11:36:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi, Latorial It is good to see your always important – often politically and socially relevant work again For Dead Fathers Who Live Excellent title Where have you been All of my life? Perhaps “Holed “ up in another state With four kids and a wife? nice strong rhyme scheme to carry us along. Too often topical or polemic pieces lack poetic structure but that is never a n issue in your work. For years you've been ducking And dodging a secret What I want to know is "How in [H]ell could you keep it?" I like the direct accusatory form, When I was little I wanted to know your name Now that I'm grown I want you to share the blame Latorial, The word ‘share” here takes me into another realm of speculation which sort of s distances me from the narrator – it leads my down this elaborate path: Who is the other person to take some of the blame – one hopes not the persona his/her self – - perhaps the mother? Maybe its just me – as the subject is a strong one – that I am being distracted by that word – so my question is – why not let the absent father take the blame instead of offering to share it? I want him to TAKE the blame [Is] it the stain The shame or the pain That causes a grown man To become so lame No matter the reasons They're all just words Lies travel in packs Cowards in herds GREATt collective words! If I'm angry, disgusted Or just a little pissed Just add it all up It equals being dismissed Rhyme are great and fresh Disregarded, discarded Left to find my own way Lies, lies and more lies Haunt me every [#}day This would be so fantastic read aloud at a poetry meet, When I come to myself Every trace of you Burns within my skin Rendering lies true Wow – lots to think about there Where have you been All of my life? I've been through [H]ell unloading this strife Even if I live Even if you die A question remains That no one explains . . . "Why?" \ Why indeed? Great poem about a social problem, often the result of the selfishness of power politics which leads to despair and poverty and affects generations of innocent lives. Thanks Best Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-17 16:04:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.45455
Being a grandmother of a fatherless child I really appreciate these words. I could gag my ex-son-in-law withthem, hoping that he would at leaast swollow them and learn something from it. I know many even today who would like to know where their father was ...especially while growing up, and they would ask him in the same state of mind that you have portrayed...that of anger, that of feeling only half a person. TO bewhole is to have a mother and a father. As on grows up they start to get a feeling of being discarded, this leads to depression and of being unwanted. If this goes on too long the young individual will eventually need some psychiatric help. If you only knew where he lived, I am sure that you would have sent him this powerful note. Great read! Thanks for sharing it.~Helen

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-04-10 23:14:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
you know, this really hits home with me. my parents split when i was 8, and for the next 5 years i spoke to him roughly once or twice a year (usually when mom made us ask for money) and didnt see him at all. the memories i have of him are of an angry, abusive negligent person who saw my brother and i more as hindrances he would rather be rid of than his own flesh and blood. a couple of times (once my brother and i were of adult age) he half-heartedly tried to be a part of our lives, but it was short-lived, and a toss-up as to who regretted it more. for the past 8 years he finally stopped pretending to care, and i have neither seen nor spoken to him in 3 years. the man that replaced him in our home was an alcoholic who seemed to feel much the same way as my biological father, only softening his last few years until he died in aug 2003 from cancer. -Where have you been All of my life? -being dismissed -Disregarded, discarded -Left to find my own way Lies, lies and more lies these lines i found especially apt. how many times did i ask myself these same questions or think these same thoughts? you really transmit the rage that is carried inside from betrayals and abandonments such as these, but in that somewhat-civilized manner that accompanies the telling of truths long studied and pored over. looking at the similarities and differences of our paternal influences, i cant help but feel a little envious of yours, as sometimes it seems best not to know. thanks for helping the healing.. charlie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-10 19:53:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial, The biggest why.......is money. Don't want to pay, is the price of not getting to know. Some people are irresponsable people. The children, the innocent are the sufferers. Their whole life is affected by their parents action. Good job laying it all out. Today there's motherless as bad. I think I'd put: Even [as] I live. instead of 'if' Dismiss the coward is great words. Good job opening lax father's eyes. You almost don't know his 'name', , how bad/how sad. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-09 06:14:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
It is so difficult to even consider having a child and not seeing him or her during your lifetime......my daughter and son in law just had a baby boy yesterday, Benjamin Deane, a handsome baby, 8 pounds 4 ounces 21 1/2 inches long and the love that surrounds this little boy speaks for itself.....their first born child.....my own heart is filled with such joy.....again, I cannot see how anyone could or would turn their backs like so many do.......Good structure, word flow, filled with feelings, emotions, truth, and harsh reality.......so many children believe their father to be dead to them only to find out they are alive, well, living close by with a family consisting of wife and children.......The question Why? To most will never be answered in truth.......for some perhaps the truth is too much even for them to speak.......Thank you for posting and sharing this most difficult piece to write. Hoping it will find those in need of reading it so they will know they too are not alone in this hell......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-04-08 15:39:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Latorial, This tale is so sad for the child who feels unloved, unwanted, and uncared for, by a parent. Even the best of mothers cannot make up for the absence of a wayward father. My father was such a wonderful man and I cannot imagine life without him...when he passed away I was devastated for a very long time. Your words indicate that this child may have been born out of wedlock and then the father moved and became a father to four children... the anguish that must have done to this child is profound....'now that I'm grown I want you to share the blame...or is it the stain the shame or the pain'...there should never be shame or stain when a child is born....even out of wedlock it should be a happy event...so I find these words especially difficult....'lies travel in packs cowards in herds'...such a wise statement and one that is worth remembering. Words like...dismissed, disregarded, discarded, all add up to the extreme pain this child has suffered all her/his life....'every trace of you burns within my skin'...there is so much passion written in this piece that I fear you must be writing about your own situation...if not surely about someone very close to you...for you seem to have experienced this pathos first hand. Ending with the simple word "Why" is dramatic and heart wrenching. Very well done....I do hope this is not a self portrait...if so you have my sympathy. Blessings....Marilyn

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