This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-04-08 04:44:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Half

     after giving you all of me and then you leave,      half is not enough

Copyright © April 2005 Latorial D. Faison


This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-30 19:25:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.15789
A strong message of pain and loss in a concise powerful piece. Maybe try: 'after giving you all of me in my entirety you are gone and half is not enough.' Either way the short length allows for a strong impact on the reader. Nice work, thanks for posting Audrey


This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-04-30 19:20:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Latorial, Wow! This is excellent! What a powerful statement! I've been married for eleven years and can't imagine getting a divorce. It would destroy me "after giving my all". Half is not enough! Who can give us back the time and the emotions spent? I see people I know getting married and divorced and I can't imagine the economic scars, spiritual scars, family scars (both immediate and extended) and the emotional scars. It's so not about "half". If you have nothing left of that life, what is "half" or "half" of nothing? I'm pretty sure I might take my life if my wife left me. Thank God she is on every level the most beautiful person I know. This is really good, and shows the world your wisdom. Thanks again Latorial, for another great poem, Troy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-28 01:25:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28947
Interesting Haiku poet, true to form, 5-7-5...........Half, to give all of one self to someone else, to be free enough to share not only the emotional but the physical to the fullest, to have your hopes and dreams appear just within reach, and then he is gone.........taking away with him most of you if not all of you leaving you half filled and I have to ask which half was left behind to repair...........half is never enough when you are reaching for the stars........thanks for posting, the thoughts portrayed I am certain will appear different for each read. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-24 14:40:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.36364
Hi Latorial This poem's had me deiberating all month. After you give 100%, there's 0 left. I really know what your saying, you had become as one and then he left. And you feel like part of you is missing. Half of a love relation is actually nothing........ Well you stirred the thinking pot. And the love pot too. I'm sorry he's gone. If he filled your heart 100% that don't go.... Take care Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-16 12:28:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial: The brevity of this senryu poem is in inverse proportion to its impact. It goes on giving its message after a first, second, third, fourth reading and endlessly after that. I imagined the concept of 'half' of someone, and 'all' and what that means. The conundrum within the poem just makes it all the more powerful. The speaker has spoken with the partial self left (though she gave 'all') to the absent one, who left 'half' of himself. There isn't much left to speak with, if you will, so the poem is very terse and powerful. I am thinking now of two joined into one. Then divided into halves. Two separate but combined. When the one leaves the two, then the remaining half feels that emptiness as would not have been possible had there never been a joining. The pain of this absence is magnified by the other's having left. Whether this was a willful leaving or a circumstantial one doesn't seem to matter because the suggestion of a surgical removal remains. One leg missing the other, one arm trying to lift a child, etc. How can we adapt to what has become essential being removed from us? Like a phantom limb, this poem aches. The soft fricatives in "after/half/enough" seem spoken softly as the speaker's voice almost whispers, it is so diminished (though the voice is strong and the poem is very strong). Latorial, I always enjoy reading your poems. This one is startling in its different feel, in a tone I am unaccustomed to hearing in your previous poems. It makes me want to hear more like this. I have a feeling, though, that this is a poem which happens when it will. It has a life of its own. And I look forward to reading much more of your way of speaking. My best wishes always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-04-10 23:20:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
these 3 little lines speak volumes. its as if ur saying, i put my heart and soul into us, i gave everything i had to keep us together, and u leave and take it with you. those empty feelings of hollowness, as if a part of you is really gone. functioning seems impossible, survival irrelevant. once they leave you, the remains left over are just inadequate to continue. i really feel you on this, as ive felt that the someone leaving me is taking my love, compassion, affection, understanding, and caring with them, and without those elements, life is not living, its merely being alive. so much contained in 14- your gift is truly saying much by saying a little. this one made me think. charlie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-04-10 14:00:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Latorial, I have written a song that says exactly this. You have put it so well in so few words. There are those issues that take the soul and bifurcates it, and when left with the half, well- you have spoken the truth. Half - Short, to the point, and the brevity (Spartan nature) of the title, prepares us for the loss of the verse. after giving you – To much to speak of , of heart, of body and soul, of service, the giving of oneself, no gift is greater!! all of me and then you leave, - In a sentence you speak of “how much”, but gang it with “the leaving”, and together they mix a poisonous cocktail nobody wishes to drink, but the coming tastes too good, to see the leaving, till its done. half is not enough – When the melding takes place, and loss, is an amalgated loss, not long the two, but half of the one. Latorial, this is so poignant and true a verse, and one that I understand as well as I understand anything in life. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-04-09 11:23:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Latorial, I haven't read a Haiku piece from you before so this does come as a pleasant surprise. The 'Haiku' form of poetry has always been one of the more challenging forms but a good three lined haiku often says more than a long narrative poem. The poem 'Half' talks of a longing for what was and a regret for what is. The lover who promised the moon has left his love with a dear drop in her hand.....she is left with that longing for the moon. I visulaise a girl in her garden making merry with the rose bushes only to be cast out into a desert land where the heat splits her spirits into halves. The title gives the readers a sense of what is to come in the piece...an indication that all is not 'whole' any longer. The piece is replete with sentiment and brings out the mood behind the author efficiently.....and that is the power of haiku- to say so much in such less space. The title is appropriate Take care, Duane.
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