This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-04-08 06:46:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Thought Of You

It's been awhile since the last time that I thought of you. Let your image dance with me across my mind, waltzing in places where only we knew. I inhale your memory, take it up deep into my lungs and exhale there within your shadow. You refresh me;  allow me to breathe in time  as only you could. My breath deep and deliberate, the rhythm of desire.  It warms the whole; my spirit, my heart, my soul. I am pleased that I have loved you; thankful  for the experience of you  appreciative  of what remains forever...  The ability to light my heart by your memory, so much so that I still glow  in the thought of you.

Copyright © April 2005 Nancy Ann Hemsworth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-04-30 22:30:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Nancy, Hi again, it's good to back online after vacation and all the getting ready and getting caught up. It's also nice to read more of your poetry. I am going to make a suggestion though to try to protect my eyes in the future. The font is very hard for me to read as my resolution isn't the best on this monitor that needs replacing. It's very classy though, but for this reader proving difficult technically. Also, I will admit that I am partial to poems that are as loving as this one. The vacation I took was with my wife and we have created memories after many sunsets and sunrises. Both so intoxicatingly beautiful. "The Thought Of You" The title evokes a thought of remembrance in my mind immediately. It's been awhile since the last time that I thought of you. Let your image dance with me across my mind, The verb "dance" lends itself so well to thoughts. How often I forget and remember and forget and remember and then finally capture the thought in almost a dance fashion. Thinking is such a dance. For me this works very well. The fact that the thought dances across the mind suggests that it is evoking remembrances in the mind of the first person. Let's take a look. Let your image dance with me across my mind, waltzing in places where only we knew. These lines dance as the writer dances to places "where only we knew". I as a reader would like to see some of these places, I think it would bring more color to the dance and really reinforce the coming lines. I inhale your memory, take it up deep into my lungs and exhale there within your shadow. You refresh me; allow me to breathe in time as only you could These lines are wonderful. Bravo! So very romantic that they steal my heart and warms it to. My breath deep and deliberate, the rhythm of desire. It warms the whole; my spirit, my heart, my soul. I am pleased that I have loved you; thankful for the experience of you appreciative of what remains forever These lines are so confidant and assuring. Nice alliteration in "deep and deliberate" and rhythm in the repetition of the word "my". The lines read smoothly and wrap together well in this inhalation of such a delectable memory. So eternal in theme and thought. The ability to light my heart by your memory, so much so that I still glow in the thought of you. What a perfect ending to a well crafted poem. To "light" the heart with memory and bask in the glow that it makes you. Very nice and appreciated Nancy Best, Always, Troy


This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-28 19:11:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
Wow, such gratitude! Very impressed, terrific flow. I read it over and over to keep feeling the intensity and resolve that I found in this piece. Honored to have read it, thanks for posting, Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-25 14:10:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Nancy, Be still my heart! dance with me across my mind, waltzing in places where only we knew.[very nice] so much so that I still glow in the thought of you.[Loved your ending and rhyme/perfecto] You have been blessed to have known and experienced this fellow. You must pine for him also, which is tough. You inhale his memory, [is unique] I think you could maybe cut one 'breath out though. Maybe have one breath and elaborate fully or more. Just my thought. I think this flowed along nicely too... I like your writing. It's unpretenious, orderly,good thoughtfull subject matter. I very much enjoy reading your work. My Best to You, Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-22 08:02:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Now remember Nancy that this is a critiquing site, so don't go away mad. I will just try to improve this poem which is very valid in itself. However it is too wordy, and I will give you examples: It's been awhile It's been awhile since the last time since I thought of you. that I thought of you. Your image dances across Let your image my mind, and waltzes in dance with me places only we knew. across my mind, waltzing in places where only we knew. Same poem...same meaning...less wordy. I could go through this whole poem but defer to you. I hope this helps. Remember..."Less is more"
This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-14 12:17:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Nancy, What a wonderful memory...it is magical to harbour such precious thoughts then bring them out to make us smile. You have captured something special. "It's been awhile since the last time that I thought of you"...whether minutes, days, or months, it's always nice to bring back that special moment. "Let your image dance with me across my mind,"...the pleasure of anothers face, so vivid,(great use of words here.) "waltzing in places where only we knew."...those special places only shared by two..how romantic! "I inhale your memory, take it deep into my lungs and exhale there within your shadow."...my favorite line this is. To encompas another with heart and soul. "You refresh me; allow me to breath in time..." I feel as if we have been taken to another time, another place, so magical. You have captured a warm and treasured moment in time that you have portrayed well lacing imagery and deep feelings. It was a pleasure to read. Helen D.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-04-11 09:24:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
the patter of rain on the skylight lenses you into focus as the hands of mind fondle the soft thought empty arms yearn to bring you in close to smell the earth in your hair ears long to hear the soughing of your breeze rainbows of memories draped over the night
This Poem was Critiqued By: John Dean On Date: 2005-04-09 13:05:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A simple response Nancy. This addresses a pretty much universal feeling.........a love lost or passed away, expressed simply and tenderly, something most of us can identify with I suspect. I like the line "I am pleased that I have loved you". That's how it should be, that's the memory that we should hold close to our hearts. Thankyou...John.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-04-09 12:29:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nancy: I am quickly becoming a fan basing this on vague memories of times past and your posts the last few months. I write short lyric poems such as yours and no meter nor rhyme present a greater challenge IMO. There is a very old song that has a few lines: (the thought of you) "and I forget to do the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do. I see your face in da-da splendor, your eyes in skies above. It's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love." Not that this song has anything in common with your poem except the fury of emotions that pierces me to the cambium (core). "Let your image dance with me across my mind, waltzing in places where only we knew." Lovely, lovely...both the idea, the memory, the metaphor. Poet continues that she inhales him, takes his memory deep into lungs and exhales in his shadow, refreshing herself. Excellent. "(He) allows you to breathe in time as only you could. My breath deep and deliberate, the rhythm of desire." Nancy, your linguistry here is exquisite. You choose your words well, each and every. His inhaled memory has warmed you, pleased you, thankful for the experience of you(,) Minor nit..I'd like a comma after you. Your second/final stanza seems an epiphany of sorts: you finally realize what the mere memory of him means. "The ability to light my heart by your memory. so much so that I still glow in the thought of you." Such tenderness conveyed by soft rhymes at times, other poetic devices, but I cared nothing for that as I read...it's the emotional impact, one of melancholy, loneliness, pain of wanting him. I see his picture on your dressing table and this is b&w, you in a satin robe look out the window from Central Park West. You have the Lauren Bacall(sp)look. Your poem ignites my imagination and my setting is from old movies on TV I watched as a child. It only takes one poem and this is non pareil. Kudos. Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-09 06:20:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Good Morning Poet......Indeed a lovely poem which touches your heart and mine as well, good structure, enjoyed the font for easy reading as well.....the word flow brings forth the emotions of the time, the love between two people, reminds me of perhaps a first love which you shared for some time...........reminds me of my feelings still associated with my first husband, the father of my children, the times we shared, good , bad, indifferent.......as you say, memories of only places we have known, shared, and perhaps still do in the lining of one's heart.....Actually, the entire poem sings, dances, and makes you feel good. Thank you for posting and sharing with us, God Bless, Claire Your closing stanza tells me the warmth and love remains..........
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