This Poem was Submitted By: John Dean On Date: 2005-04-10 06:20:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Wings Unclipped

I'd never been that high before Senses so acute The freedom of unrestrained flight And oh, the details On a rising thermal at a thousand feet I saw my reflection in a rabbit's eye Yes, my joints were stiff Hunger and loneliness drove me back To a place where I was safe Not loved, not hated Merely admired and maintained But restless now for more I'll do it again some day soon Take my chances When they forget to lock the cage.

Copyright © April 2005 John Dean


This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-02 13:53:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.56098
This piece is bursting with dreativity. From a caged bird's perspective. 'my reflection is a rabbit's eye' - wonderful! 'and oh, the details' - let's the reader know what is comming iss something you are passionate about. 'on rising thermal' - again, fantastic. Nice, Audrey


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-28 07:02:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25641
Good morning Poet........my mind's eye sees this majetic bird that you might have caught whe younger (the bid) or perhaps raised from a newborn itself......either way you have given it what it needed most, food, shelter, attention and even love.... Never been this high before.....shows the new found freedom of flight found and the feeling of awe with it.....perhaps the same for us when we decided to take flight from home and begin anew.......the freedom of unrestrained flight tells me further that perhaps you might be training the birds for a special project, perhaps like those we often see in movies, yet this time here the bird is free to fly, higher then ever before, able to not return if it wanted to..........what a feeling and then to see his or her reflection in the rabbit's eye..... Hunger and loneliness drove him back......how sad, freedom and no one to share it with, no place to go and try to be on your own......even in the animal kingdom as with dogs, cats, and other barnyard animals, knowing the security of 'home' they always return......... good structure, word flow, images and emotions associated with this one.....I love animals, I certainly have saved many in the past including one hawk that after it was healed someone told on me......I just kept it a bit longer then I should and when I got the call the people were coming to take it away, set it free somewhere other then here in Tully I opened the cage door, stood back and waited for my friend to fly away......it took awhile too since it felt secure ans safe but evidently it took that step closer to the door then it was there, standing on the edge of the rim and within the blink of an eye soared to the heavens expanding its wings in flight and beauty.........thanks for the memories my friend.....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-24 16:37:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667
Hi John, Personifying a bird loose in flight. Freedom is such a grand ol word. If I could, I'd free every pet in the pet store, to their natural habitat. Free to do as they wish to.... I liked his view from up on high. [rabbits eye] If it weren't for the food/safety He'd keep on truckin. People are much the same. fear of the unknown! uncage people/birds/beast, be free good job John. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-14 17:14:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi John! This poem fascinates me as it allows me to vicariously experience what it might be like to be a hawk, with human-like internal dialogue. I think that it could be understood as a metaphor -- but I am so taken with the idea of feeling what a bird of prey feels that I can't read it any other way without drifting back to my original take on it. It seems as though the bird's acitivity must be limited as he 'speaks' of never having been "that high before." I can only imagine that he's spent a long while encaged, given his acute enjoyment of the "freedom of unrestrained flight" and his description of his joints as having been stiff. You allowed me as a reader to sense what it might be like to soar on a "rising thermal" at one thousand feet, and see in minute detail. As an aside, this is really a novel thought for me as myopia limits my vision. I am seeing the rabbit below as if through a movie camera that swoops and dips as does the bird. "Hunger and loneliness drove me back To a place where I was safe" This undoubtedly is the only place the bird has known, hence I suspect he was raised here. The suggestion is given that he has bonded with his human handlers. Since hunger was something that drove him back, I also wonder if he was prevented from capturing prey and eating it. I know absolutely nothing about falconry or hawking, nor which is the proper term. But I will now want to learn much more about it, since birds are among my favorite species of animals. Owls are the only birds of prey with which I have any familiarity and that is limited. Not loved, not hated Merely admired and maintained But restless now for more I'll do it again some day soon Take my chances When they forget to lock the cage. I appreciate the last line, particularly. The unrelenting desire of the bird to be what he is - a wild animal, taking his own chances. Feeling the "freedom of unrestrained flight" once more seems well worth it, at least to this reader. A life of one's own with its inherent risks seems preferable to the safe and confined one. Perhaps if the poem is meant at metaphor, that's what its message may be. If we live in an overly 'domesticated' or 'captive' way, we lose something of what it is to be alive, perhaps I can infer from the poem. When one thinks about it, we are only removed by a slight bit of distance, time-wise, from our ancestors who undoubtedly would find our lives not only restrictive but frightening -- more so than daily encounters with wild animals who considered them a food source. At least then one might die providing a meal for someone. My goodness! Your poem has really stimulated a lot of contemplation for me. Thank you for the poem and for the chance to give you my thoughts on it. I wouldn't suggest changing anything -- it seems a complete entity unto itself. I'm looking forward to learning more about its subject. Many thanks, once more Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-14 11:15:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Hello John, A poem that takes me deep within ones self. A well written piece that keeps you digging deeper in to anothers subconscious. A time when you were adventurous enough to taste the wine of life, but became frightened and hid within yourself. Getting restless you are ready to take another chance...someday! Thanks for sharing. Helen D.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-04-10 12:17:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
John: This is my 1st crit of your work altho I saw some of your poems last month. My printer wasn't working and several other problems with my computer. From the title, I couldn't imagine what your poem would address other than perhaps the process done to birds of prey. As I read, I quickly realize this is a metaphor for any # of things: for me, it's a parallel existence of man caught up in the sixty-hour work week, on a leash as it were, no taste of freedom of "unrestrained flight" The opening line is arcane as well as the title: "I'd never been that high before". Is poet smoking weed, rock climbing, etc.? Not until the fifth line are we sure that this is a bird as we thought of before. This reminds me of some places in the hill country where the high cliffs encourage hawks to nest. They play in the rising thermals (at least it appears to be play): soaring, wafting, swooping. That you have personalized the raptor and relate the poem in 1st person is splendid. I feel this hawk is pleading for help from his captors or anyone who chances by. Imagined line: "Once I thought a lady was going to adopt me; she looked at every detail and I preened and gave her my beady-eye pose. But then my ego took over aned I rose as far as the chain permitted, spread my wings and gave her my all in the shriek I made. She ran, looking back over her shoulder." I hope you don't mind my playing here...your poem is quite alluring and entices me to explore the feeling of being a large bird. One of your best lines is "I saw my reflection in a rabbit's eye." Now tired from using muscles dormant for a long time, tired, hungry, lonely..he realizes that he must go home. To be caged once more with no affection, merely safe and given food. Your last four lines become the epiphsny of your piece: But restless now for more I'll do it again some day soon Take my chances When they forget to lock the cage! You don't need the exclamation point...it is how I feel. Very sad because this poignant, plaintive poem is evocative, drawing upon the same feeling in man. The all-pervasive lust for freedom. "Stone walls do not a prison make Nor iron bars a cage" This is swell: quote a line and cannot remember from what work it is taken or by whom written. Sorry. I like my reading fare to be comprised of short lyrical pieces. You have shown herein that much can be conceived and laid out with a dearth of words herein. Your linguistics is masterful, your poem original and unique your ability to draw in the reader is no small feat. I finf this an accomplished bit of writing. {I apologize for the typos never made until I contracted CTD. Best wishes for this superlative poem, Mell Morris
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