This Poem was Submitted By: John Dean On Date: 2005-04-18 14:01:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Hanging Tree

As the lightning flashed and the thunder crashed And the storm rolled in from the sea On this windswept night, can you feel my plight As I stand by the hanging tree Can you see me there in the cold night air Twenty men form a circle round me If I call your name in this field of shame Will you save me from the hanging tree I just lay my head on a young girl's bed For maybe two nights or three But they found me there, in the torchlight glare Dragged me off to the hanging tree May the wind blow away my anger May the rain wash away my pain May your love set me free, may the sun shine on me As I stand by the hanging tree Well the branch is strong and the rope is long And the noose seems to beckon to me Take a backward glance, maybe one more chance If you'll come to the hanging tree Now my mouth goes dry as they lift me high And those men shout curses at me As the rope pulls tight and I lose my sight I sense an angel by the hanging tree Twenty men have gone, now I'm all alone Just the spirit of you and me And the sun shines down on this precious ground As we lie by the hanging tree Well your wind blew away my anger And your rain washed away my pain And your love set me free, now the sun shines on me And you saved me from the hanging tree

Copyright © April 2005 John Dean

Additional Notes:
This was written last year as a song lyric. I have recently set it to music and recorded a slightly altered version. As yet it has not been published.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-04 00:15:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.74074
John, The structure and flow of this piece is spectacular. Nicely done. Your ryhming is right on and well placed. I love a poem that begins with pain and sorrow and finishes with solace. Thanks for posting, Audrey


This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-04-30 19:04:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
John, Loving a woman can sure get a guy in trouble. You told me once that you were a song writer and now I see why. This tale sung to music is simple yet moving in it's description of such an unfortunate event. As a song writer you only have so much time, at least for this genre of music or type, to deliver as much story as you can and keep your audience. First your setting is perfect for a hanging. The lightening and thunder and storm foreshadow this event. You write this so well I can feel myself standing in the torchlight watching. Brrr. The love interest is stated just enough to give us a mental picture of what happened. It's not overdone like a lot of songs tend to be. You bring focus to the tree and the rope. It does beckon. And the men curse him before the hang him. The then you bring in lightness with the angel to offset the occurrence and balance the poem. I like the fact that you write "twenty men" instead of saying "the men". It's more descriptive, perhaps symbolic of something, but most importantly it lets us know that this man has no chance of escape. And the chorus is a marvelous redemption, describing the individual in spirit with the spirit of his love. The twenty men gone never to disturb this perfect sense of heaven again. I think you accomplish everything timely, musically and poetically. Great read and song, I hope you sell it, publish or produce it. Best always, Troy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-30 15:21:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
John, As the lightning flashed and the thunder crashed [rhyme flashed/crashed] And the storm rolled in from the sea On this windswept night, can you feel my plight [rhyme night/flight] As I stand by the hanging tree [rhyme sea/tree] [you set the pace 10-8 10-8] Can you see me there in the cold night air [there/care] Twenty men form a circle round me [count 9, maybe 'men circle around me'] If I call your name in this field of shame [name/shame] Will you save me from the hanging tree [me/tree] I just lay my head on a young girl's bed [head/bed][I'd put on a woman's bed] For maybe two nights or three [7 maybe, 'on some nights numbering of three] But they found me there, in the torchlight glare [there/glare] Dragged me off to the hanging tree [tree/three] May the wind blow away my anger [maybe.....cold wind blow away my anger] [the refrain] May the rain wash away my pain May your love set me free, may the sun shine on me As I stand by the hanging tree Well the branch is strong and the rope is long And the noose seems to beckon to me [dump 'to'] Take a backward glance, maybe one more chance [with a backward glance, seeking my last chance] If you'll come to the hanging tree [have you come to...] Now my mouth goes dry as they lift me high And those men shout curses at me As the rope pulls tight and I lose my sight I sense an angel by the hanging tree [sensing her by...] Twenty men have gone, now I'm all alone Just the spirit of you and me And the sun shines down on this precious ground As we lie by the hanging tree [instead of lie-meet......or join] Well your wind blew away my anger [no well] And your rain washed away my pain And your love set me free, now the sun shines on me [no and][[no now]maybe us insead of me?] And you saved me from the hanging tree.[no and]' I like your 'song' it just needed tweakin. Hope you don't mind. This as a lot of work for you.......good job John. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-04-20 13:49:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
HiJohn, I read this poem a few days ago but had no time to critique it...I had to search for it today and found it at the bottom of my list....heavens knows where it will escape to if I don't capture it now! First of all I love the rhyme and lilt in every line..I can see why you set it to music and how I wish I could hear it! It has been a long time since I read a poem of this caliber by an "un-famous" poet. I am reminded of Poe's Annabelle Lee...it has that same quality of rhyme and story all mixed together. The story in itself is a compelling read as I was so hoping the young man could escape the hanging tree but knew as I read it that he would not. You have used some amazing word choices that limn perfect images throughout...so many that I can't comment on each. Usually a long poem loses it's punch and I find myself bored and unable to finish...not so this one. In fact I have read this one several times and find new words and images each time. I know this poem will rate very high on the winners list for this month...it certainly will on mine. I am pleased that you posted it here and I hope everyone reads it and becomes as enthralled with it as I have...bravo. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-04-20 09:53:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
This has a folksong feeling to me, and I enjoyed the meter very much. When read it simply flows along as a good lyrical should. Very vivid images throughout, especially when speaking of the hanging itself. You have created great and strong atmosphere within your lines, longing, wrong doing, injustice, love and such sorry. The way your piece with building suspense captures the reader to the end. I really enjoyed the read, thanks for sharing your talent!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-20 01:06:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90000
And indeed, this certainly does sing out to you as you read........wish they would allow for mysical poems here on the link.........good structure, the word flow works so well as indicated it sings to you.....the words chosen create images as one travels down that road with you to the hanging tree........thanks for posting and sharing and my best to you with this one........God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-04-19 04:14:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
this poem does have a rhythmic, lyrical feel to it, and i was reminded of that old zeppelin song -gallows pole-from the words, but this didnt seem like a rip-off, rather, it has a fresh feel to it. i like story feel to it and it seems complete (maybe another stanza telling why sleeping with this girl doomed you to hang), im just a little confused at the end. my take is that you died from the hanging. but when you say "As we lie by the hanging tree" it seems to contradict that notion. if you are dead here, i think "as im swinging from the hanging tree" would be better (u could even say "as we swing" and say "in the tree"). good poem though. charlie
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