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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-04-21 13:31:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Light

morning light so soft noon sun lucent mountain tops twilight stunning sight

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-05-07 08:26:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeLIGHTful haiku, Marilyn! The three phases of the day are evoked in compact and lovely language, as befits this form. I especially like the specific imagery of "noon sun lucent mountain tops", in which there's nice assonance of noon/lucent, and a double use of "lucent" [zeugma] to modify both sun and mountain tops. Slant rhyme of "soft/tops" is also apparent here. In L3, the internal rhyme of "twilight/sight" is pleasing to the ear. It also incorporates the word "light" within the larger "twilight". An image is implied but not identified so we can imagine any aspect of the evening. A pleasure to read. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-05-05 09:02:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97143
Lovely haiku Marilyn morning light so soft noon sun lucent mountain tops I adore the soft and melodious word "lucent" twilight stunning sight It is brilliant the way the third line can be read in two ways It could mean twilight is a stunning sight or twilight "stuns" sight You are getting m better and better at this lovely form Best Rach

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-04 00:10:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.74074
5-7-5 - well done. 'noon sun lucent mountain tops' - what a stunning line, it's imagery creates such a magestic picture. 'twilight stunnung sight' - in my opinion, the perfect 3rd line. How does something so small, create so much? I guess that's just the beauty of poetry:) Thanks for posting, Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-29 13:27:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
beautiful haiku (from what I understand, the purists don't use titles).Living in the mountains as I do (as well as in a rainforest), I can attest to your descriptions. The last line is pure terwilleger.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-04-23 22:48:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Marilyn, This is so nice, so beautiful. Just listen to yourself! How soft is the morning sun on the eve of a beautiful day. Softer than the smell of tea and the first touch of the lips to the hot cup? Softer than the sound of the humming birds making their early rounds to the feeder outside of my window in the flower beds. I think so. High noon sun! As high and bold as the tops of the mountains! And the twilight. What a perfect day of light. Written so well. Check out how you use the "t" sound in this poem. The hard sound of "light, twilight and sight" and the soft "t" in "soft and tops". And look at all of those "s" sounds "so, soft, sun, lucent, tops, stunning and sight". A very poetic visual showcase! I just got back from vacation. I might add I was thinking about you in your fur bikini when we landed in OR. LOL! We had a great time. When I get caught up I'm going to post a trip report in the forum. It's good to hear your voice again! Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-21 21:55:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Light.......morning light is just that my friend.....so soft.....not only to the eyesight but to the heart as well....from the darkness of night comes the morning light........ noon sun lucent mountain tops.............from where I live I see Tully Mountain....not a big mountain but one that sits off to the side, when the sun comes over the mountain you can not only see but feel the difference in the animals within its space....... twilight stunning sight.....my most favorite of the three lines for there is nothing more breathtaking then the sight of the sun setting at night bringing forth shades of red, lavender, pinks, blues.......and all while there is still LIGHT... Beautiful poet, simply elegant in style, beat, and images.....thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-21 17:07:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70833
Marilyn: Now we're cooking! I'm getting over my blue funk, when I find a poem like this one with your name attached to it. It is lovely in every way. I could go on and on with the sounds you've incorporated into this eloquent, lustrous, Japanese-style poem. You entitle it "Light" and it is 'light' in weight, in the sense of few words, and it emanates 'light' on its subject, light. Luminous writing, once more - and no pun unintended. You cover the moods and colors of light itself in this very brief, intense work. I see the mountain tops of your locale woven in brilliantly. Enough -- I promised not to be so wordy! But it's difficult to restrain myself when I've savored poetic feast like this one. Fabulous! Best always, Joanne Did I mention that I LOVE this poem?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-21 15:46:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.40909
Marilyn, Such a visual piece wriiten superbly! morning light so soft.........I can visualize the reflected rays of sun bouncing of the morning dew, making it seem as a silky soft veil. noon sun lucent mountain tops....I can see the mountain tops glitter sharply from the rays of the sun. Such a beatiful and breath taking sight. Wow Marilyn! I want to reach out to touch them. twilight stunning sight........Yes, with the above two lines of great imagery, a third great line for an ending day, with the sun hiding behind the mountain tops and casting off it's golden glow. Marilyn who have painted a beatiful picture with such a small amount of words. Truly a winner! ~Helen :D

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-04-21 14:58:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Hi Marilyn, I'm no haiku expert: but the image of mountain tops showing morning light, noon sun, twilight, stunningly with 12 words is, to me, quiite a fete. light/sight rhyme. tops/soft are nice together. lucent feels like the mountain tops are almost part of the sun. translucent! visually nice. Emotionally nature-ly healing. Good job,, enjoyed the read. Dellena

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