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This Poem was Submitted By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2005-04-25 07:02:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tempernental

I live by the feet of the volcano I’ve lived here for thirty years… Some days it seems soothed by cool rain Lulled among cloudy curtains Stoically, the volcano speaks daily, “Where are your sacrifices to me today?” As I type my S.O.S. in metaphors my restless skin feels a seething glow The proximity of its smoky pinnacle Taints the breath my nostrils inhale All roads must pass the volcano through plumes of frequent warnings; intent to obscure my vision, as I dodge its wayward sparks I hide scars from its steamy drool Many times I turned back,defeated subdued by my blistered feet Determined, I venture out again… on some new road Some think the volcano is dormant now They say smoking and hissing are its nature; but they observe from safe places; denying the extent of its volatility Someday my journeys will be published If not in this life, the next Perhaps my words will don a lofty header… On heaven’s grand periodical,“Hark The Herald” And? I shall be the Editor in Chief.

Additional Notes:
A bit of exaggeration, but so it goes dealing with "Type A" people...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-04 06:44:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32075
Good Morning Poet.......Perhaps Tempernental is a typo....just a thought here....[Temperamental] I live by the feet of the volcano I’ve lived here for thirty years… Strong beginning for it draws the reader in....not knowing exactly where it may take us though giving thought of a fiery ending perhaps as they do in the movies.......Some days it seems soothed by cool rain Lulled among cloudy curtains ' very nicely done' Stoically, the volcano speaks daily....“Where are your sacrifices to me today?” ..... I type my S.O.S. in metaphors my restless skin feels a seething glow The proximity of its smoky pinnacle Taints the breath my nostrils inhale All roads must pass the volcano through plumes of frequent warnings; Many times I turned back defeated subdued by my blistered feet Determined, I venture out again… on some new road The underlying metaphor is builds becoming more apparent in this line, turning the poem into a journey of a life lived Finely structured poem with word flow that ultimately allows us the freedom to see and feel our own emotions Some think the volcano is dormant now They say smoking and hissing are its nature; but they observe from safe places; denying the extent of its volatility Which could be a horrific subdued image from the past or malevolent forces around us ...... Someday my journeys will be published If not in this life, the next This one I bet Perhaps my words will don a lofty header… On heaven’s grand periodical,” Hark The Herald” And I shall be the Editor in Chief. Interesting ending as well..........thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-30 23:51:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.26087
Your ending put a smile on my face :) I loved:'as I type my sos in metaphors' - you connect to the poet is us all. 'restless skin' and 'its steamy drool' - great imagery. I very much enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-30 16:06:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.67500
Hi Terrye, Interesting piece. I feel that you are talking about yourself as the volcano, and for thirty years you have struggled with your wrtiting and trying to be that editor in chief! Yes it takes hard work, but when you are type A ..I know the headaches. The structure of your piece is written well, some minor words changes, but all in all the flow and coherency of this piece is very good. YOu speak a lot about your self, sprinkled throughout....This is a worthy piece...a number 9.5 if that! Bravo! Heln

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-04-28 13:28:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi, Terrye [Temperamental] typo ! live by the feet of the volcano I’ve lived here for thirty years… I adore this opening which draws us in with curiosity - good foreshadowing and I like the personification “feet” of the volcano Some days it seems soothed by cool rain Lulled among cloudy curtains [lovely] Stoically, the volcano [asks[-] “Where are your sacrifices to me today?” I think the “today” in the line “Where are your sacrifices…. allows us to know it is “daily” and so we can lose ‘daily in the Above line where the meter could be a little tighter…just a suggestion – it is fine to leave it too of course As I type my S.O.S. in metaphors [grand idea!} my restless skin feels a seething glow The proximity of its smoky pinnacle Taints the breath my nostrils inhale All roads must pass the volcano through plumes[[great verb choice!] of frequent warnings; intent[ on obscuring] my ]vision, as I dodge its wayward sparks I hide scars from its steamy drool Many times I turned back # ,defeated subdued by my blistered feet Determined, I venture out again… on some new road The underlying metaphor is building and building and become more apparent in this magnificent line, which turns the whole poem into a journey of a life lived [as all life ultimately is] bravely in the shadow of impending disaster or forces which lie dormant and ready to explode. But the bravery and resilience is what is important and that is amply displayed here. Fine poems allow us the luxury of examining our own feelings and may or may not be exactly what the author intends – but anyway, that’s my take on it . Some think the volcano is dormant now They say smoking and hissing are its nature; but they observe from safe places; denying the extent of its volatility Which could be a horrific subdued image from the past or malevolent forces around us - as a poet once said – we are, all of us , only a moment away from screaming. Someday my journeys will be published If not in this life, the next This one I bet Perhaps my words will don a lofty header… On heaven’s grand periodical,” Hark The Herald” [love the pun!} And I shall be the Editor in Chief. Good humorous ending. Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-25 09:41:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
This is a metaphor of life. I love the line "steamy drool" which can emmulate someone who's really angry drooling, frothing, at the mouth. Your line "all roads must lead past the volcano" follows a basic philosophy of mine in which all roads lead to the same place no matter which one you take. Tempernental..............s/b Tempermental On heaven’s grand periodical,“Hark The Herald” And? I shall be the Editor in Chief. On heaven's grand periodical, "Hark The Herald" And I? I shall be the Editor in Chief! Just a small correction I would make which would make it more positive and forceful. Thanks for this piece.

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