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This Poem was Submitted By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-05-02 13:06:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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senryu

this penal complex, this cold-blooded, scapegoated, soldier, this England

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-06-07 19:43:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Yeeoooww!! Good parody of the "band of brothers" speech from Henry V ... quite a change in tone, though. They're no longer "we happy few", for sure. England is depicted as the mercenary power sans conscience, and the "penal coplex" implies that even freedom is at risk. But "scapegoated" assigns some of the blame elsewhere; the sins of others have been affixed to the English horns. There is no way to soften the harsh glare of world opinion here. The best one can do is feel compassion for the troops who must go where they're sent and do as they are bid, prisoners of an ideology that has been imposed by those in higher places. Did they anticipate this when they joined the military? I suspect not. But the beat goes on, doesn't it? Chilling and memorable piece! Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-06-06 19:47:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Rachel, A well written senryu, true in form with a satiric tone in your message. With all that is going on in the world, this paints England as many perceive it to be. You have said so much in so few words! I envy your ability. 'Scapegoated soldier' seems to say it all for me, and 'penal complex' indicates they are now being punished for their contribution. Well Done! as always, Later, Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-06-05 23:43:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
this was an interesting tidbit. your choice of words in this are clever. at first, seeming a random assortment of solitary words; each standing along over its own realm. but there are no periods here. upon closer look, each of these words represents one facet of the whole entity. and when read in such a way, an entirely different picture is presented. a rawer, more vivid picture revealing intricacies beneath the surface layer. so many possibilities from just a few words. excellent haiku.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-28 09:49:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rachel: No one can infuse the short form with more passion than you do here. this penal complex, this cold-blooded, scapegoated, soldier, this England The sounds and sentiments expressed are so very powerfully done. The repeated "this" is so vividly, evocatively pronounced. I visualize hands raised, emphatic gestures made. Heart-thumping work, once more! Wonderful. Brava! Peace always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-21 08:59:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rachel, I love the way this comes across. The words are so poetic and not just thrown together. Well crafted Rachel, and most importantly you make a daunting political statement. In a time of war, we can certainly use this poem as a type of reflection or an analysis. I'm not sure if you're speaking of something in history or something in the present; however, I think that it's appropriate for right now when we sit back and see all of the trappings of war in Iraq. You hit several nails directly on the head with this short poem. When I read it, I think of Abu Ghraib. I think of the US soldiers. I think of England and Tony Blair's ties to Bush and this war in Iraq. I think of lies. I think of everything unimaginable that has happened, and ultimately, this poem is so appropriate as a social and political analysis of what we've experienced these last couple of year. Great write. The greatest thing is that you capture a magnanimous thought so well in very few words. Now that's poetry. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-12 05:39:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Very powerful Poet.....good structure, meter is right on, images appear in many forms and goes in many directions with the words used.........the power of government ......where are 'we, the people' in all of this mess? cold-blooded, scapegoated, soldier..........says it all. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire You always present so much in so little my friend and the food for thought goes on.....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-05-09 13:08:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Roni, For some reason I thought this was submitted last month. Ah . . . TPL time. This is delicious. This damn thing says about everything that needs to be said about the situation. And with wit and grace. And with the intangible of allusion to a great literary forebear. Ah . . . the relevance of fine poetry. This "penal" complex. You've made my day, wrighting wright's ruin. Willy would like this one. Nay, love it rather. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-06 00:56:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Stunning! I'm speechless. True indeed. Beautifully done, Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-05-02 19:11:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I know, I know!! Abu Abu!! It's not England. It's England. You should be on TV. "Laura, it's that funny Jewess" "I'm watching Desperate Housewives...(you loser)..." <><><><><><><>

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-02 18:14:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Rachel, The penal complex has gone awry.... government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil. Evil being the operative word. Thoreau;The best government,is one that governs not at all! Today it would be ridiculous. Most are bad.. yee may be right. And women do it so well! Women/soldiers have to do as ordered! Who would care to admit to those atrocities? noone.... Marie Antonette, and Oswald were great scapegoats. Jewish people have been scapegoats for some time too. We're in pretty sad times.... The title/the style is a neat word! Another thoughtful poem about serious matters. Good! Keep us on our toes... My best, Dellena

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