This Poem was Submitted By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2005-05-04 07:34:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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High Tide I am on the beach watching seagulls feed
Dolphins swim by to entertain me
Waves sweep the sand then drain away
High tide is creeping up on me
In the distance, the shrimp boats work
The watchful pelicans skim close to the sea
A pink sun rises from the horizon
High tide is sneaking up on me
The sea oats cling desperately to the dunes
Beachcombers are looking to find the best shells
The salty wind off the ocean clears my head
High tide is advancing up on me
I remember long ago when I was a child
How amazed and delighted I was by this shore
Nothing has changed, the waves are forever
High tide is washing over me |
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Copyright © May 2005 Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-06 12:33:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54167
We must be on opposite coasts. We have no sand dunes here and/or pelicans. I do watch the
seagulls every day and conclude they are stupid birds. I'll have a few poems to post about
them.
Your format is good. Nothing for me to suggest. The title speaks for itself.
You are right. Nothing has changed. Do you know the saying, "the more things change the more
they remain the same"? Took me years to figure that out. Watch out for the under tow.
Thanks for bringing this topic to the front.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-03 08:28:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard what a great way to capture the memories of a place you have come to love. I enjoyed this poem myself because I love the calm beach scene. If I could spend my life there, I would.
I think it's very effective the way you reinforce the title and the theme in the last line of each stanza. Often when rhyme and rhythm aren't the goal, it is wise to throw in a technique such as repetition. That's the great thing about poetry. We can use old techniques or create new ones, because each poem becomes our very own.
I've read a lot of beach poems and poems about the tide, but none like yours. It is truly yours.
You make every line a contribution to the picture you seek to paint for the readers.
"I am on the beach watching seagulls feed
Dolphins swim by to entertain me"
These lines with their words are a great way to begin the poem. You don't leave the reader guessing, and we who love the beach love to see the seagulls, the dolphins and lots of swimming (smile).
Waves sweep the sand then drain away (I could sit and watch this act for hours, and we have. It's what many beach goers do. This is one of the major aspects of the therapy that can come from a love for the beach)
In the distance, the shrimp boats work (This made me curious as to exactly which beach you were writing about. The shrimp boats. They would be nice to watch. I've never had the chance. I guess it depends on where you are. I spend most of my time on southeastern beaches in VA, NC and SC and a few islands off of Georgia. I haven't beached in Florida yet.)
There are so many wonderful characteristics of nature on the beach, and you capture all of the beauty in the poem while the "tide" creeps up on you. Perhaps you've spent days watching pelicans and shell finders. I find it amazing and great that you've had the time to do it.
A pink sun rises from the horizon
High tide is sneaking up on me (There's nothing more beautiful than watching the sun rise and set, but to actually see it from the beach is just heavenly. Again, you keep adding more beauty to the poem each time you introduce a new facet of beach life in every line).
The sea oats cling desperately to the dunes (Here you stomped me, as I know nothing of sea oats and dunes. So the poem is teaching. I'll have to do my research. I know what dunes are, but I rarely see them on the beaches I'm on. A sea oat . . . I'll have to look that up. Thanks for challenging me --smile).
Beachcombers are looking to find the best shells (I've certainly been guilty of this)
I remember long ago when I was a child
How amazed and delighted I was by this shore
Nothing has changed, the waves are forever (This was my favorite line in the whole poem. The waves really are forever. Usually, once a beach lover . . .always a beach lover. You have given me hope for when I spend a week on the beach in July. I'm going to think about your poem when I'm sitting there. I may even get up to watch the sun rise or go back to watch the sun set. I've been inspired to be a little more observant after reading your poem).
Thanks for sharing. You certainly peeked my interest, and it's just great to see that people are still writing about what they love and what keeps them alive (or what kills them; smile). That's what poetry is all about. Great job.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-27 08:09:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard,
What impresses me mostly about this piece is the four stanza's created to give the reader the sense of a wave going over. You were very clever in this poem by displaying the sights one sees giving them the memories that will never cease. I too love the beach, grew up next to it five blocks away, joined the Navy and traveled the seas, came back and enjoyed the surf. I do have some suggestions but they are only my opinion. This is an well written piece so this is only my take:
Dolphins swim entertaining me
In the distance, shrimp boats work
The watchful pelicans, skim close to sea
Pink sun rises beyond the horizon
The sea oats cling desperately to dunes
Beachcombers looking to find the perfect shell
Wouldn't change anything in the last stanza.
Well done. Thanks for bringing the sea back to me. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-16 08:04:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Medard!!
It's been a long time, hasn't it? I am glad I have the opportunity of responding to this 'nature' inspired poem.
The shoreline has always been one of my more favored comfort zones in matters of stress-relief or in search of inspiration and spirituality. And while my city, Calcutta, is a long way from the shore, the very thought of it relaxes my muscles and eases my broken mind.
'High Tides', deals with your appreciation of this gift of nature and you seem to have grown up with it ever since you were a child. And while we grow up, Nature has laways remained her natural self, ever ready to lead to a world of awe and respite.
You fill the piece with vivid images ('shrimp boats work, watchful pelicans skim close to the sea, A pink sun rises, Beachcombers are looking to find the best shells, etc') and activity which makes the scene come alive before the reader. I'm glad I found this after a hard day's work :-)
The repetitive lines 'High tide is....) creates the effect of waves brushing against the shore.
The poem flowed smoothly from beginning to end and is aptly titled.
Keep writing!!
Take Care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-10 18:15:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Medard, there is some very good imagery in this piece.
'watchful pelicans skim close to shore' - nicely done.
'sea oats cling desperately to the dunes' - what an image!
Your descriptions are alive and vivid,
enabling the reader to picture it with ease.
My only suggestion would be possibly changing
'is advancing up on me' to something like 'high tide advances up on me'
or advances upon me'
This poem created such a sense of calmness and serenity for me, thank you.
Well done,
Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-10 16:56:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard, [unusual name]
High tide's creeping, sneaking,advancing, a lastly washing over enveloping you.
It does seem to do that.
I think the waves are a memory of all the times past.
The waves come and go, like the days. As does life around it.
But always live forever, becoming part of who you are.
Like the blood moving through the vein.
I think this to be calmning. And somehow spiritual.
It puts me at the ocean, seeing the marine life, the birds,
The ocean, and you writing you heart away.
It was a pleasure.
I think your still amused and delighted by the waves.
my best,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-07 05:34:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Love the ocean poet, love to sit and watch the tide come in and High Tide is the best..........to feel the wet ocean floor beneath one's feet, walking along the edge or just standing in awe.........great structure, word flow, the images are great.........thanks for posting and sharing and taking me to my most favorite place on such a dreary day here in Tully. God Bless, Claire
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