This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-05-09 10:07:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Long March

pastels on parade tulips sway in Springs’ soft breeze salute to April

Copyright © May 2005 Nancy Ann Hemsworth

Additional Notes:
Haiku poem (5,7,5 meter beat)..one of my favorite forms to write in.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-03 21:20:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Great visions of spring, well metered, much enjoyed. I too find that I am being drawn to the Haiku although I don't know much about them they are very intrigueing. You have created the type of spring day that stays in memory, well stated.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-06-03 20:02:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87179
Nancy, Again I have the privilege to read another one of your Haiku poems. Excellent way the transition is done moving into April. Thitle is very appropriate giving the reader more depth and the long awaited April. Excellent enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing another one of your poems. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-24 07:02:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84848
Hi Nancy, I believe I have read and responded to some of your Haikus in the past but none were more colorful than this. Not only does this tiny structured poem give us an insight into the poet's anxiousness at seeing the world of spring erupt before her eyes; it also offers an explosion of color (it's true when they say "all good things come in small packages"). The title 'Long March' effectively sets the tone for the piece to salute the 'April' redemeer. It gives one a sense of the pre-spring lifelessness, gloom and creates the perfect stage ('pastels on parade, tulips sway in Springs' soft breeze....') for Spring to be brought to the fore. I liked the use of both March and April at the very beginning and end of the piece (A Long March.....salute to April). This was a very well written and colorful Haiku. Take Care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-05-22 21:06:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, So fresh and full of color. Even scented, if you use a little imagination as you read through the alliteration. The title, so fitting. The poem becomes the release. The Spring breeze. I just did my first real lawn mowing. You know, the one where the grass is finally full. The tulips and daffodils blooming. What a nice Haiku. It's just perfect for my evening tonight. So much from three lines. Hope you and yours are well, Troy
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-05-17 17:51:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
love haiku too- think "saluting April" works better for the last line? seems like it would kind of connect things better, like a cause-and -effect- sorta -- like the parade of pastel tulips swaying is actively saluting or something. i dont know- just wanted to give you something to think about i guess. but its really nice as is. maybe ill write and post one for you along these same lines or with this theme. charlie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-11 15:38:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
At long last a Haiku from you and a beauty at that........true to meter beat, perfect in every way and the image presented certainly does welcome in Spring......my tulips just opened this week, it was one of mother's older plants.......red, bright red they are.....standing proud.....telling me she is still here... pastels on parade....indeed, the beauty in such flower is the assortment of colors planted, never bunched up in one but lovingly touching and caressing......Spring's soft breeze, another gentle touch my friend........indeed as stated, salute to April.........thanks for posting and sharing your talent with us once more......hope all is well, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2005-05-10 20:04:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Dear Nancy, I love parades, tulips, and April so this is a true winner for me. Haiku poems are short, but then like this lovely one, some string together in perfect harmony. That's how I see "A Long March", as a gently painted landscape waking up to Spring. I like your title even tho these short pieces do not require one. If I just wasn't so long winded, I would love to do half this well at writing Haiku. Good luck this month! Sincerely, Wanda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-10 16:17:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Nancy, Your first line alone describes March and spring so very well. A time filled with a bounty of pastel colors on display for the world. Well done, you truely have a gift. Your structure is perfect and there are no techincal suggestions I can give you here. Brilliant write, Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-09 16:21:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy, I do so bad at Haiku, I can't keep my opinion or ideas out of it and present it's own voice. But you did.......You showed the spring pastel tulip bouquet and left me to wonder. In the breeze as I please. Such a great gift! Of course some days I wish to crush them and other days I most enjoy them. I'm being funny.... Great job, springs the best of times! Warmly, Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-05-09 11:50:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nancy, I lost the 1st crit done on this haiku and I normally do not review same. I've never written one...I'm a bit verbose for these constraints. BUT, your title is the killer and I had to stop and say so because elements such as these are why I read poetry. March the 3rd month, (my 1st impression) March a parade (of flowers herein) March a military movement of men (salute) Now that is clever, whatever form used. 1st line....alliterative and assonant with the short A in pastels/parade 2nd line....I may swoon for this is one of my favorite sounds in poetry, the sibilant or susurrant Sssssssss presented here six times. It is especially effective to describe swaying, breezes, soft, springs, and tulips. I am a sound person and this is so like whispering (2nd line) 3rd line....perfect end as March gives way to April with a doff of the cap, a salute which portrays respect to April from the waning month. And salute gives the military ideation. And now that I think of it, April likely finds March over-long. I don't much care for March for it signals that warm then unbearable heat is on the way. This is seamlessly woven, a lovely and lyrical poem. This haiku truly puts your poetic gift on display. I hope you saw my Forum message to you when I thanked those who had voted for Miss Hilda. I didn't start a new thread, just tacked on to a message from Ken P. I hope you see it. Best wishes, Mell
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