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This Poem was Submitted By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2005-05-13 01:53:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Lost Love

Though I continue to hear your song, My lonely heart only cries so long. As I search on...do you hear me sigh? Will love last or shall it die? Dark, empty days are all I've known As you chose to leave me all alone. You gave no comfort to my grieving heart, And I loved you so...from the very start. Without your love -- can I survive? Those promises of love were only lies. I felt your words to be so divine; I never believed you could not be mine. Shades of sorrow now color me; Broken mirrors of love are all I see. A simple heartbeat just drives me mad, For the heart I loved, I never had. Time is gone, and hope is lost. I never knew what love would cost. Those memories in rose now fill my mind: The love I lost was never to find.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-04 11:23:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87879
Donna, all of the aches of losing a love appear in this poem, and you have written it very well. You didn't skip one beat. There were no errors at all. You give us blow by blow a list of the memories, the hurt and the pain that are endured day in and day out, moment by moment. It's never fair to love someone this much and get nothing in return but a bunch of broken promises and memories of something that will never materialize into greatness. I see the want in each verse. I sense the madness in each verse, and a reader can't help but feel the pain and sadness. It's funny how being in love is connected to so much more of everything else we do in life. Most people who love at all, love hard, and when that love disappears, the hurt is all the more painful. I don't view this poem as just another opportunity to rant and rave about losing a love, but it's an opportutnity to share one's feelings about LOVE LOST. The title is perfect. Though I continue to hear your song, My lonely heart only cries so long. These first to lines are signature because when you're in love everything is musical. The earth sings. Everything in life sings to a wonderful unified beat. It's so important to show where you once are in love. You move from the most beautiful music you've ever heard to the loudest and most painful cries you've ever endured. Lost love can do this to us. Dark, empty days are all I've known As you chose to leave me all alone. You gave no comfort to my grieving heart, We never know why people leave relationships that they once claimed meant so much to them. Darkness and emptiness are often what is left when we're left with something that we'll never understand or have answer too. However, I do believe that time heals all wounds and brings resolve eventually. Without your love -- can I survive? Those promises of love were only lies. I felt your words to be so divine; I never believed you could not be mine. All we have is someone's word, and when they take it back, it's such a waste, such a facade, such a lie. You call it what it is. Some survive, and others don't. It depends on individual strength and how you view life. When you realize that there is so much more to life than being in love, you can move on. But often if you've tied your whole life into another person, it's hard to carry on. But the strength can be found to do so. Shades of sorrow now color me; (I like this illustration, shades of sorrow. Because when you're feeling bad about losing someone, the sadness comes and goes in varying degrees. Some days are better than others, and you paint an accurate picture of that with this line. It's poetic too.) I never knew what love would cost. (When this happens, we're less likely to love so hard the next time or at all costs because honestly, losing is no fun) Great poem on losing love poet. You pour out your heart and soul showing readers the true sadness and sorrow of having given all to be left with nothing but memories. Excellent. Thanks for sharing it, and I enjoyed reading it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-31 09:09:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Like how you give us the question making the reader ponder upon the love felt. If you hear the song it will always return sometimes glanced over but always there when needed this was the thought given to me by the first stanza. The second stanza is a very smooth stanza and like how you have used eclipses throughout the poem this is an excellent use of them. In the third stanza you have shown the reader that love has its dark side when it is missing. In the next stanza you have shown this reader that the love was one sided yet never realized it was since the reflection was not obstructed before, but as the mirror break the picture becomes clearer. Very well thought out poem, the only question I have is it seemed as if the first stanza was going to give the reader a love that had been sweet and wonderful but in the end I saw one that was only a reflection. Just a thought and thanks for sharing this with us. Thomas.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-17 04:17:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Poet this is so sad........a lost love.........only memories remain and perhaps never to find again with this particular person......but I pray you know there is love out there waiting for you.......one that will treat you the way you so deserve to be treated with love, honesty, respect, a caring, sharing way........ Good structure, word flow, questions that perhaps have no answers at this time........ Your opening stanza sets the scene though and the sound of music drifts through the air as memories stir within..... Dark, empty days are all I've known As you chose to leave me all alone. You gave no comfort to my grieving heart, And I loved you so...from the very start. good rhyming as well Poet..........known/alone......heart/start......... Dark, empty days are all I've known........what a horrible feeling of depression that must be with no sunshine to filter in......to be left all alone.........I can see and feel the tears as they begin to fall..... you question your survival.........it may take awhile but yes, you will survive and come out stronger for it.... your rhyme is good throughout the entire piece Poet......the emotions shared are so true.........thank you for posting and sharing this with us.....perhaps you might find time later when you or whoever you speak of has healed that a sequel might be in the making....... God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-05-14 18:32:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Donna, This is the first time I've had one of your poems on my list in forever. Who could not be tweaked by your alliterative title? If it's a love-gone- wrong piece, certainly there's little anyone can do except hold you while you cry. Your piece is smooth when read aloud and your meter is ineaxact which means that many poets write outside of the loop. There is such license accepted in this art form. You use a lot of tetrameter and pentameter and it sounds very lyrical when sung. Your rhymes are spot on; no near or slant rhymes. Poet tells reader she is deeply in love with a man and poet continues "to hear your song" and wonders if he can/will hear her sighs of grief. "You chose to leave me all alone" without any words of comfort. That is cold and heartless. Your description of sorrow, loss, grief, mourning are finely drawn, Donna. "Shades of sorrow now color me" is an exquisite phrase. Poet continues bemoaning the loss of her man's love...then quite wisely she states she's grieving for the lost love which she never had in the first place. I enjoyed this poem very much and consider it one of our better posts which means you are already trained in writing. However, you chose a topic (lost love) which inspired numerous poems of "Lost Love". When poet chooses a subject that has been penned about repeatedly, it is imperative that almost every word be original and novel. I pointed to several phrases that were beautiful and not passe'. For example: S1, line 2..."My lonely heart only cries so long"...changed to "My battery only runs that long"..... Just play like I'm doing and something fresh and crisp will be there! Stanza 3, Line 3 ..."And so I thought your words were of yourself" .. "It was true, from my view, here on the shelf." Please do not be offended; you've been given or developed or both...a gift for composing poetry, and I am taking time which I rarely do to get your creative juices running wild. You have great potential, Donna. Best of luck with your writing and stay focused on it! Sincerely, Mell Morris

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-14 07:27:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Donna, Another poem from you is always welcome and this one is exactly what I might be feeling even as I write this. Poetry is therapeutic in more ways than we realize and it is always consoling to know that there are so many others who feel exactly the way i do. You seem to enjoy employing rhyme in your pieces and this form also happens to be my favorite. It gives the pieces a musical touch. To begin with, you have captured the 'hurting' core of 'lost love' very aptly, giving this piece a sensitivity from start to finish. The pain you feel is evident through the 'shades of sorrow' that cover you. Like I mentioned in an earlier critique, your primary strength is that 'bare all emotional temperament' which helps readers relate very easily. To build on and enhance this strength, you might consider giving meter a second look. This will help your poem flow better and given that your poems are based on rhyme, meter and flow are especially important. I wouldn't say that the poem is completely off but a few tweaks here and there would benefit the piece. Suggestions: 1. remove 'only' from line 2 verse 1 2. remove 'all' from line 2 verse 2 3. remove 'so' from line 3 verse 3 4. 'not' from line 4 verse 3 5. in verse 4 you'll have to chop som syllables from line 2 6. remove 'just' from line 3 verse 4 7. you would need to cut down syllables from verse 5, line 4 I'm sure that will help. Thanks for the post Donna. And keep writing from the heart. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-05-13 19:06:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Donna, This poem leaves such an empty hollow place inside me. When I lost my love it was to death but I believe this poet lost her love because he choose to leave...which, to me, can be more painful than death. The rhyming gives a nice cadence to the lines...flowing from one line to another without seeming forced. There are a few words that could be deleted for the sake of the poetics...(all) alone....(so) devine...(just) drives me mad...but I can see why you used them as they do give an impact of sincerity and emotion. ....'shades of sorrow now color me; broken mirrors of love are all I see'...wonderful lines making me feel the pathos...'those memories in rose (love this) now fill my mind: the love I lost was never to find' You might also say...the love I lost was never mine to find...just a thought for you to use or lose. Broken hearts are physically painful and it wasn't till my husband died that I knew this. I actually had such heart pain that I finally went to a doctor...nothing wrong he said...just a broken heart. It finally goes away but it takes such a long time. If you are writing this piece about yourself you have my sympathy and understanding...but it would be my hope that it is about another. Well done...the sadness in the lines is profound. Blessings...Marilyn

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